The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure

Christmas is almost here and I am so excited. Gift giving/recieving is my numero uno love language. I love shopping and selecting gifts for those I love. You are not the exception! I have a Christmas gift for you too. Today's post was written by my lovely friend Stephanie for you. She's no stranger to Living As A Lily, here is the link to her Thanksgiving post from 2012 that'll give you a little history: click HERE. Go make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, with lots of marshmallows, and unwrap what Stephanie and Jesus have prepared for you!

The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure, by Stephanie Landa

I am so honored Raquel invited me to write on her blog! When she first asked, I quickly responded, “YES!” Not having any idea what to write about, I took a leap of faith and trusted God would reveal exactly what He wanted me to share on this blog. After a couple of days, I knew exactly what to write about, and so here it goes…

“You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.” –Proverbs 19:21

Summer of 2013 was when I first found out I was going to start my career as a 1st grade teacher. I was filled with excitement but so much more with FEAR. Fear of the unknown! And so, I began my career where I almost immediately fell in love with those 1st graders. Not only were they amazing, but so was the administration and my coworkers. After a very short time (1 month and a half), I quit! Yup, I quit! (If you know me, you know I’m not a quitter)

I could only imagine what you are thinking. “This girl is crazy! What in the world happened?”

Well, within that short amount of time of teaching, I struggled so much with fear and anxiety. Endless nights of not sleeping because my mind would not shut up. I felt like I needed everything to be perfect and so rather than allowing myself to plan, do the best that I can, and “let it go” (yes, I totally quoted Frozen), I drove myself insane. (I seemed to have forecasted the rest of my life based off of one moment) I lost a great amount of weight, I disconnected myself from almost everyone, my faith in God was lost, etc. which led me all to a deep depression. My family, fiancé, and friends were all extremely concerned about me.

I remember the day that I quit. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I lost my identity. Even now as I write this, my eyes fill up with tears because the way I felt that day and even months after, was THE hardest time of my life. Now please don’t judge me. I understand God has blessed me with SO MUCH, but at that time, I did NOT have the right perspective and was completely lost. I felt like my identity was in my career (I now know my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone; He defines me) and once I lost that, I felt a great amount of anguish.

Almost my entire life, I thought I was created to be a teacher. I had all these plans set for my life. You would think that I had already learned my lesson about FULLY trusting God and letting Him do as He pleases (you can read more about thise HERE).

Almost 6 months later, I figured it all out. I had all these plans, but God had His ultimate plan and I could not be happier. His purpose did prevail (as it always does) and I found my niche in life and that is to be a Middle School teacher. (I know, I’m crazy, but there is something so special about the middle school students) I won’t bore you with the details as to how I got to this point in my life, but its crazy how all along God had been molding me.

God is able to do “exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all that we could ask or think.” I believe this and because I do I will trust Him, take Him at His word, keep on moving forward. I will fight fear by declaring the promises found in God's word over my life. I have learned a lot and I've shared all of this to strengthen you. I encourage you to make plans in your heart, and get moving, but give God room to direct your steps. Make plans, but keep them fluid. Don’t make them concrete! Allow God to flexibility with those plans, to move them around if needed, to line up those desires to His Word and will. A lot of us sit around waiting for direction from God, but He is waiting for you to draw near to Him. Do step out in faith! Filled with the Holy Spirit you can take gutsy risks on the desires of your heart. Get those feet moving as He leads you.

God is the keeper of your heart and will protect it. He will inspire, encourage, nurture, and breathe new life when needed. Dream big! Make plans! Get moving! He's got you!

    * Stephanie has also contributed: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

Birthday Surprise! It's Sahrae.

Happy Saturday! With today's special post by Miss Sahrae Rivas, we conclude our Birthday Series for 2013. I have been very blessed by all the Birthday Surprises, and I have heard from many of you that the series has been a gust of encouragement for you as well. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, as today's post is for all the single ladies!

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28... That’s how old I turned last week. A mere two years away from the so-called dreaded big three 0. It’s the age where the little Cuban old ladies turn their knees black and blue in prayer for you! The stigma of finding out you are still single and without hope of a prospect to can change your status. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I hear “póngase las pilas” meaning get your act together. I have been asked if I have picked out the names of my future cats! I even had a coworker tell me they thought of me as they watched the news the night before, the report being about an 83 year old woman who had gotten married, FOR THE FIRST TIME! I was then told that there is still hope.Really?! My response to all these antiquated ideas that I should be married with 5 children and 1 on the way is simply: I wouldn’t have it any other way!


I could sit around, and mope, and keep pleading with God as to when this seemingly long “single” stage of my life will be over. I could cry. I could even settle, out of desperation, for any guy. Settling whether to fill a void, or to stop all the questions, more like harassment, of when am I getting married. And its not to say that I haven’t made mistakes, but God has been good and faithful to me (because I wasn't of much help to myself obviously). Being single has not been a prison sentence; it has been an awesome season in my life of self discovery.

As single woman, we need to use this time wisely. It’s not going to last forever. I want God to use me. My prayer has been, "Here I am Lord, send me!" I desire for Him to use me to do great works for His kingdom, to overcome those works that seem impossible. I hope to live my single life mentoring and encouraging young girls. I want him to squeeze every last drop of my gifts and talents during this season of my life; because I know that it will end.

I’ve been blessed to have encountered amazing wives and moms who have spoken so much wisdom and truth into my life. However, the most common feedback I get from the majority is, how they wish they had enjoyed more freedom in their youth. Not that they don't love their husbands and children, but they have different priorities and responsibilities. I truly appreciate their honesty. It encourages me and reminds me to live my life to the fullest. Because I know the day will come when I can no longer travel to Haiti whenever I want. The day will come when I won’t be able to grab dinner with my friends or head on impromptu road trips. The day will come when I won’t be able to serve full force with no hesitation in my ministry. But that’s OK, because I know it means my ministry will have changed. It will mean that the man that God has been preparing for me, my match in every way, who will lead me and our Children in the ways of the Lord, will have arrived... and they will be my ministry.

My encouragement to you.
Don’t allow any one to lead you to believe that it’s shameful to be single in your late 20s, or at any age. Bask in the freedom!! Ladies, use this season to take notes! Soak up wisdom from Godly women... like sponges! I have a list I’ve entitled “future references notes”. I keep it in my head. It’s all the advice and insight I’ve received from woman in my sphere of influence about marriage and kids, and life. I am so grateful that I’ve had these years to take notes and learn from others mistakes, mishaps, and life so that I don’t make the same. I feel so much better prepared for not only marriage but life, as all this wisdom has been poured into my life.

God is perfect in everything He does. You can either endure your days wallowing and complaining to God. You could continue believing that He must have gotten you mixed up with the girl next door who wants to be single. Or you can spend your days believing that God has you here for a reason. Seek, knock and search for His will. Be distracted living a life that glorifies Him. Enjoying the fullness of the abundant life He has before you. And before you realize it, the person God has for you is walking alongside you, hand in hand.

While in this season of my life, I am ready to go wherever God calls me; to do whatever He tells me. I’m not going to spend my days wishing, hoping, and waiting. I’m going to spend them laughing, loving, and living! I know God is good, I know He is faithful. So until the day arrives when my status changes from "single" to "married", I want to spend these years shinning my light for Gods glory. I encourage all my fellow ladies to do the same, live a life of reckless abandonment for the King of Kings. Live your life like there is no tomorrow. I am 28... and Single... and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Birthday Surprise! It's Yani!

Happy Thursday and Happy Thanksgiving! Today is my all time favorite Holiday and because it is I have invited one of my all time favorite people to write the Thanksgiving Day post. My friend Yani is dear to me for so many reasons. She is caring, loving, compassionate, transparent, honest, and insanely funny. She loves my Jesus so much and demonstrates to me what a life of gratitude should look like. You will be inspired, through her writing, to increase your faith and thanksgiving. Happiest of days to You!

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Sometimes God uses the most unexpected people in your life to teach you lessons. I have many wise people in my life, that God has used for just that purpose. But one of the most recent ones, and the most impacting, was when God used my fifteen year old daughter Samantha to show me how my faith was like an atrophied muscle... it needed a boot-camp style workout. 

Being a Christian for eight years, I have on countless occasions read Matthew 17:20 “ He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  I know it by memory! I have used it in ministering to others. However, as we currently endure a difficult season in our lives, it must have slipped my mind (insert blushing emoticon here).  

In September, just one month after moving into a new home my husband lost his job. This was a devastating blow for our family. We had spent months praying for this new home. We had just moved in, and desired to have a good relationship with our landlords. And then BOOM!  It felt as if a a nuclear bomb had gone off and destroyed all of our dreams and aspirations. It might sound silly to some of you, but that’s what it felt like to us. Robert is the sole bread winner in our home. No job means no way to pay the bills. We were devastated and quite frankly terrified, but we put our “faith” in God and moved forward. 

Hillsong  was coming to town, and Samantha really wanted to go to the concert. After the move, things were tight and we weren't sure we were going to be able to purchase tickets. With Robert losing his job, the idea of purchasing tickets went from a probably not to a definite No. When we sat her down to break the news to her, she was bummed, and stayed pensive for a while. She tried to find ways that she could go to the concert, and every suggestion led us back to the same response, No. After a little while she looked at us and said “ I’m going to that concert. If it is Gods will for me to go, He will open up the doors and get me a ticket”. Robert and I dismissed it as wishful thinking and got back to more important matters like how we were going to pay the bills. 

As the weeks passed, she continued to hear about the concert on the radio. Week after week, she sang the songs at church, and learned that her friends and practically everyone she knew was going to the concert. Robert and I felt bad for her, but there was nothing we could do. 

Fast forward to Saturday November 23, the day of the concert. Our morning plans had been canceled and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get up to date on the chores. We were cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking dinner. The concert was at 7:30 pm and for sure we were not going. At 3:00 pm I got a text from a friend offering us three tickets to the concert . Samantha automatically looked at me, smiled, and said “I told you”. My faith was too small to believe that God would give us tickets, but not hers. Her faith was big enough that even at the last minute she knew and believed that there was going to be a way that she would go to that concert and jam with Young and Free. Needless to say, we went to the concert and it was amazing, even the seats were amazing! And in that wonderful way that God has of dealing with me, He let me know that I had just been taught a lesson.  

You see, after the concert our friend who had offered us the tickets came up to us, and as we are telling her how grateful we were, she told us, “ To be quite honest when I was informed of the tickets all I could think of was Samantha”. Right then and there I knew that, that was Gods subtle (not so subtle) way of letting me know that it was her faith that got us those tickets. In that perfect moment of clarity I realized that my faith muscles are in need of some serious exercise. 

Looking back at these last three months I realized that God has never let me down. He always comes through, like He did with the concert tickets, in His perfect timing. Our trials are those perfect training sessions for our Faith muscles.

James 1:2-4 says it perfectly, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  We serve an amazing God who has never let us down and never will. He is our Provider, Friend, Redeemer, Savior, and the Lover of our soul. He died on a cross for each and every one of our sins,  He knows the depravity of our hearts, and loves us anyway. He turned water into wine, raised the dead back to life, and healed the sick. And yet we still doubt.

  Psalm 27 says it perfectly :

“The Lord is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life;

Of whom shall I be afraid?”

Next time the trial comes around, exercise those muscles. And remember who you have put your faith in, or God might just use your kid to remind you ;)

Samantha (left) and the Hillsong Young And Free Concert

 Happy Thanksgiving 

Birthday Surprise! It's Denise.

Happy Wednesday and Thanksgiving Eve! Today's post is from my cousin Denise. She is no newbie here, you can read her 2012 Birthday Surprise HERE. Praying that the promises of God that Denise shares, may be engraved in your heart and and ever present help in time of need. God bless YOU! 

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You are not alone 

Have you ever been in a crowd of people and felt completely isolated? It's that feeling where you are physically present but no one notices.  I have been hearing this topic from a several people lately. They tell me how they feel lonely, like they don't have any friends, like no one cares but they are constantly surrounded by people. My normal response is, "I know exactly how you feel." 

I spent most of my life feeling this way.  I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression as a teenager.  I became a Christian once I was in college and Jesus changed my life forever. Most of my fear went away but even as a Christian, there are still those moments where the devil tries to take hold.

I go into these random moments of depression where I feel lost, like I'm in a deep pit and I'm sinking and I can't ever get out again. I have traveled across the country, to the other side of the world even, but nothing is as sad, scary and dark as this place.  

As a Christian, I recognize that there is no reason to stay there. I have a mighty God who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to go back there again and now I know that it's because, when I get out of it, I love Him even more and cling to Him desperately. 

I was reading Isaiah 60:20 the other night and this verse really encouraged me.  "Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end."

There are times when I feel like I don't even want to be on this earth. Before Christ, these thoughts were filled with despair, they were suicidal because I didn't understand what the point of my existence was. Now when I have these thoughts it's more of a longing and a hope that one day I will be in my real home with Jesus. 

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14 

So now as I wait for that glorious moment when Jesus rescues me from this cruel world, I have to make the best of it and live my life by honoring and worshiping him.  I don't feel so lost in the crowd anymore, because I know that my satisfaction does not come from humans, it comes from the Lord. 

Though I might still feel lonely at times deep down I know that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. 

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7 

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you." Psalms 9:10

So if you are feeling lonely or like you don't belong, instead of turning to people to fill that void, turn to Jesus, the only one who can satisfy you.   

"Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. Psalms 17:15 

Birthday Surprise! It's Priscilla

Happy Tuesday. Two years ago my friend Priscilla shared with us on taking leaps of faith, click HERE to read. Today she shares with us her greatest joy, being a mommy. A beautiful post this is and a lovely read for soon to be mommies! Without further ado, here is Priscilla. 

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Unconditional LoveThe word unconditional means not limited in any way: complete and absolute.

Jesus’ love for us is unconditional, He clearly portrayed that love to us on the cross. 

A mother’s love for her child is unconditional. It is complete and absolute just like the Father’s love towards us. A mother’s job is never ending, it goes on all day and all night. A mother has no vacations, no time off and no sick days. With each new day, a mothers love and responsibility will grow deeper and deeper. Motherhood is a blessing.
When I woke up on the morning of February 28th, I had no idea that my life would forever change. I was 38 weeks pregnant and I was going in for a routine checkup with my doctor before heading to work.

I wasn't ready for what my doctor was about to tell me. My blood pressure and weight had spiked up in the last week and I had developed something called preeclampsia. I knew I was swollen but I had no idea how serious it was. My doctor ordered me to go home, grab my bags and head to the hospital for an induction. I remember being so scared. I was crying and panicking because I wasn't ready, I still had 2 weeks left! I needed more time!

10 or so hours of labor later, at 11:52 that night, I was carrying my baby girl safely in my arms. My heart began to flood with feelings and emotions that I had never felt before. So much love, joy, peace and excitement. I have a daughter, I am a mother. I began sobbing. I knew that I had received the greatest blessing. I never wanted to let her go. I had so much respect and admiration for all moms, especially mine. I leaned over and gave her a tight hug and thanked her for bringing me into this world. I had so much love for my husband and so much more love for God. My heart was full! I felt that unconditional love.

The next few weeks were, by far, the most exciting and challenging. I was in a lot of pain, physically, but my spirit was so joyful and full of love for my little family. I was very sleep deprived but I didn’t seem to care. Things that were once important to me were no longer important. My daughter’s well being was at the top of my list.

On Thanksgiving day, my sweet little Abigail Ruth will be nine months old. These last few months have been the most rewarding and the most challenging months for me as a new mom. Moving to a new town when Abby was just a few months old, transitioning from being a working mom to being a stay at home mom, and being away from loved ones. To know that you are needed by someone 24 hours a day can be challenging, but I wouldn’t trade being a mom for the world. It is a huge blessing and a privilege that many cannot have.

My number one priority is to please God and to be a godly wife and mother. I want my daughter to live for Jesus.I pray that she accepts the Lord into her little heart and that she experiences His unconditional love and that she lives to please Him. I pray that she becomes a strong, God fearing woman. As crazy as it may sound to some, I pray for her husband. I pray that the Lord will send her a godly man who will love and respect her. Finally, I pray that the Lord will continue to give me and Pedro the wisdom and strength to raise our daughter in His ways so that she may honor Him in everything that she does.

Abigail Ruth is our gift from the Lord and I love her unconditionally. I love being her Mama and I’m so thankful that the Lord chose me and Pedro to be her parents. 

Priscilla and Abby

little Abigail Ruth "Abby"

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 1

Happy Monday and welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today we welcome back Nicki, or as I now call her Mzungu (white girl). Last year Nicki shared on the Birthday Series about her two week trip to Uganda ( read here part 1 and part 2). Since then, she returned to Uganda for a much longer visit and chronicled her thoughts at FollowtheNicki.com. If you're up for some serious life changing reads, go visit the links. Without further ado, scroll down for the first of three posts by our favorite Mzungu. 

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Hi everyone!

You know some things I love? Birthdays, for one, so happy 4^th birthday, blog!!  I also love getting to hang out and share some words here on Rak’s space. I love her loud, hilarious, creative and insightful heart, and it’s a joy to share here at her blog. Even better—she asked me to talk Uganda for a few posts! I’m excited by that and I pray you take away some encouragement from this week’s posts with whatever the Lord wants to share with you. So off we go…

  

May 1, 2013 I stepped on a plane bound for Entebbe, Uganda without a clue as to what God had in store for me. He knew.

Questions raged from others on whether this was where God was “really” calling me and for how long. Only He knew.

I had only previously spent two rapid weeks in Uganda less than 9 months before this time. I knew close to nothing about what culture would be like, how awkward the ever-changing weather would be, or how difficult it would be to survive on my own cooking for four months. He knew.

He knew the hardships, the bouts of loneliness, and the depths of intimacy and vulnerability that I would experience. He knew the place I had just walked through with wounds and bruises, and a slightly bleeding heart, and He knew where He needed to take me.

My God knows me. He also knows my absolute confidence when I say that my heart and my life have been utterly transformed because of this crazy leap I took to leave the familiar and cross into the unknown—alone. I am still in awe of the privilege I have been given to share life and ministry with the people of Uganda. The capacity in which I had ever previously served God was easily eclipsed by the glow of relationships birthed, the experience of working alongside churches, ministries and in homes, and the joy of seeing a lost and hurting heart being made alive in Christ.

There was a point where this role of Nicki ended and where the great and awesomeness of God began. This point was an acknowledgment that in order to truly be safe, protected, happy, secure and fully used, I needed to completely abandon myself before God, Creator and Savior. My everything was in Him. My everything is in Him. Uganda pushed me to see beyond myself, my flesh, and to witness the miraculous love of my God. His thoughts and His plans are way above mine; yours too. He knew what I needed and where I needed to go.

All along, He always knew…

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 2

Happy Friday! Welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today Monica will be sharing with you part two of her journey in Montana and Guatemala. Be blessed!

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When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.- Genesis 22:9

   During my experience with Ignite, the Lord opened my eyes to how big the Church really is, all the people and the work that’s going on for His Kingdom and all that’s being accomplished as well as all the souls that still needed to be shown His love and compassion. I found myself falling in love with unfamiliar people and places and being very confused as to what to do with my new found desires.

   

At first I was kind of frustrated  “ God, I had my life planned out already I was going to go to school for this many years get my diploma in this, serve you in this way, get married eventually and who knows I might even thrown in a few kids somewhere down the line, why are you changing the plans on me know? why are all of these new desires suddenly popping up, they don’t even logically match up with anything that is naturally me!” ( which looking back now, isn’t that how God usually works? Gotta Love Him for it)

   But the new desires where there none the less, the Lord grew my perspective of who He was and just what He was capable of and just how sovereign He was in my life and in everyone’s life as well, God has a plan and nothing can really stand in the way of HIs will getting accomplished.

    Half way through my time on the field, while I was translating the story of Abraham and Isaac for the Kids program curriculum down in Antigua, the Lord had me experience my own Isaac sacrificing moment. Was I really willing to offer up my Isaac to the Lord, my life, the plans I had made, all of the promises I believed the Lord had given me or the desires that I believed where God given, was I willing to give that all up if He asked me to? Or did I value the gifts more than the Giver? 

The Lord brought me through a season of doubt, events where lining up in a way that made is seem like those newfound desires in my heart were never going to happen, and it looked as if I was going to be left hopeless and shattered, and that feeling of hopelessness and panic at the thought of not having what the Lord had ( I believed) promised me left me broken. 

    Broken not at the fact that I wasn’t going to receive my desires or that I had misheard God, but Broken at the fact that I had placed my eyes on the promises and not the Promiser. My hope was not on Him who redeemed and saved me ( not to mention Loved me unconditionally) it was on His promises. The Lord used that moment to instill in me the importance of placing my hope in Him, not on the things that He can give me.  Yes the Lord provides for us, but the motivation behind my relationship with God has to be Love and gratitude not what I can get out of it. 

    I ( in my own way) tied my promises to the altar and ran a knife through it. The most interesting thing about this passage to me is that God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, but stopped him before he could run the blade through. God is not a liar, and yeah we’ve all heard it before “God was just testing Abraham to see if he would do it”, but how did God know Abraham would really plunge the knife in? How did He know Abraham wouldn’t turn the knife at the very last second? For me the answer lies in the fact that the Lord looks at the heart, and the Lord knew Abraham would sacrifice Isaac physically because he had already done it in his heart. True sacrifice happens within the confines of the heart. 

       My challenge for the duration of my time in Guatemala as well as now that I am home is making sure that when I wake up each morning I put my eyes and hope in Christ, not on anything else, because when my joy is dependent on the God who never changes ( or fails) there’s no person or circumstance that can take it away.

Guatemala 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 1

Today's post comes from the lovely Monica. I've had the privilege of being Monica's youth leader and now friend. With great joy I asked her to share her heart and pour out what God has done in her life the past few months. I am confident that you will be blessed by her. Tune in Friday for part 2.

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Happy Birthday Blog!

I was so honored when Raquel asked me to post on the blog for its fourth birthday.

As some of you may know this past year the Lord had me go through a program called Ignite with Potter’s Field Ministries. It’s a program designed to have students give a year of their lives completely to the Lord. I spent three months in Montana, training to be sent out along with 2 other girls to the beautiful country of Guatemala.

   I spent 6 months in Guatemala, doing afterschool work with the kids in the local community, tutoring, bible lessons, skits, puppet shows, you name it! During the last three months the training portion of the Ignite school was moved down to Guatemala and my team and I were able to come alongside the then training interns ( who are now on the field) and help encourage them during their time there.

   The Lord has used the past 10  months of my life to reveal Himself to me in such a powerful way. For so long I bought into the lie that I was unlovable, that there was something defective in me that unqualified me to be loved, even by God. While I learned multiple lessons this year, none has gone deeper that the realization I had during my 3^rd month on the field.

    God loves me. As silly and basic as that might sound , after all it’s a phrase that any three year old in Sunday school can utter, it was a truth that had not sunk in very deep in my life. For so many years I thought God loved me, but it was only because I could fit under the classification of “human” which automatically made me eligible to receive His Love, but He would never really hand pick me to love, there are so many better people out there to pour out love and favor on, so many that are worth loving He definitely wouldn’t chose me if He had the choice. 

   This sadly is the lie that I had allowed to embed itself in the depths of my heart, and it was so successfully embedded that I believed it to be true, and was completely blind to the fact that I believed it about myself and my relationship with the Lord.

   During my time on the field, I literally had nothing else to cling to but Him, no familiar background, no home church, no people that I had known forever, my robotic and semi-automatic “christianese” responses wouldn’t cut in on the field. I was forced to get raw and get real with God and allow Him to strip away all the routines that I had allowed myself to hide behind, and come face to face with the ugly truth ( that was really a lie) that had been shaping my view of God and His Love for me all this time.

    I learned what it is to be Loved by the Lord, but better yet what it is to accept His love. What it is to bask in the Steadfast Love that the Lord has for me, and in that I found a confidence in being His Daughter that I was convinced I’d never be able to have.

   I’m still learning just what it is to walk in the freedom His Love brings, His individual love for the person, not for humanity in general but I’m taking it one step at a time.

   Being back home now after such a tremendous experience is a bit disorientating, but I have the Love of my Heavenly Father to ground me. I am beyond thankful for the journey He’s guided me through and the one that’s yet to come.

   Thank you to all who have been praying for me during my trip, your prayers where definitely heard and felt. May you too bask in the Steadfast Love of the Father. 

Monica in Montana with the Ignite program

Monica's view in Montana (jealous)

Monica in Guatemala

Happy 4th Birthday

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Hello Lovelies! Let's celebrate and jump for joy... Living As A Lily has turned the big 4! That's right, it's birthday birthmonth. Since the blogs first birthday, I take off the month of November and and invite guest writers as "Birthday Surprise" posts. I pray that each Birthday Surprise is a blessing to read and a word fitly spoke. Thank You for reading and making this blog yours as well. 

Birthday Surprise. It's Melissa!

Hello there Friend! With great joy I re-introduce to you Melissa. God has given me the wonderful privilege of serving alongside Meli at youth group. She is fun, full of life and absolutely lovely. Her wisdom though, sets her apart as a pillar of faith for all who know her. May you be blessed mightily through her words. 

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Atelophobia and Failed Expectations 

We all have this idea of how our lives should pan out if everything goes according to the plan. Whether it’s marrying the man of our dreams, or getting that dream job, or traveling the world. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life”. So often we find that instead of the happily ever after we always dreamt of, life hands us a not-so-perfect husband, a mundane job, and maybe a trip to Disney (Don’t get me wrong, I love Disney, but it’s no Italy). So often we are disillusioned when reality doesn’t line up with our expectations. So what’s with our expectations anyway?

A few days ago, my mother called me over and said to me, “Hey, Meli, I learned a new word today! Atelophobia, it means the fear of imperfection. There, I’ve diagnosed you!” All my life I’ve struggled with this mental plague many like to call “perfectionism”. Okay, before you start rolling your eyes and thinking, “Oh great! One of those women”, bear with me. I have no intention of whining about how hard being perfect is. Trust me, I wouldn’t know! If you’ve begun to mentally check out because you feel like you can’t really relate, stay with me because I’m going to focus on a particular aspect of my struggle that I think every woman can identify with.

I’ve been analyzing my mental processes lately in an attempt to understand why I drive myself crazy trying to get everything just the way I think it ought to be. And here’s what I’ve concluded, my condition is quite simple really, it boils down to the fear of not living up to the expectations – the expectations of others, those I place on myself, and those the Bible makes clear for a woman of God. Not all expectations are bad because by all means, we are to do everything as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). But to be honest with you, there are times I read Proverbs 31 and think to myself, “That sounds exhausting! I’m just trying to make it through college.” I’m sure the circumstances are different for everyone, but I hope you understand where I’m coming from. Because of all that’s expected of us, we are forced to juggle our responsibilities while trying to be everything to everyone. Ironically, as a result of being spread so thin, sometimes I feel more like I’m hardly being anything to anyone. When the desire to please others or ourselves takes precedence over our desire to please God, we have lost sight of our purpose and we will eventually burn out.

Jeremiah 2:13 says, “For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water.” These cisterns are things we place our trust in to satisfy our needs; things we put our hope in to meet our expectations.

Tragically, what usually ends up happening when those needs are not met, we begin to resent those who we feel let us down. We sort of play the blame game and in our minds we’re telling ourselves things like, “if this thing had never happened” or “if he were just more ______” or “if I had just been better” or “if God had only done something about it” then maybe I would be happy and I could be a better wife/servant/friend/mother.

Within the last few years, God has been revealing bitterness and resentment that I’ve allowed to creep in to my heart. I have resented myself for failures and shortcomings. I’ve also known what it is to resent others for not being what I wanted them to be, and in a way I resented God for not making everything right. Remember that part of the proverb that talks about the heart being made sick? Well, yeah, it got ugly. At certain times in my life, I had allowed it to affect me so much that I became very critical and cynical. Before I knew it, I could hardly recognize myself. I felt like a Pharisee – a white washed tomb. In my attempt to get everything just right, I had become self-righteous and cold-hearted.

God allowed me to have that experience so I would know how awful it is to be so far from him and so that I could understand where leaning on anything other than him will lead. I still struggle with perfectionism and self-resentment but God always reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 

My prayer for you is that you trust God regardless of your circumstances and that you would always remember His faithfulness. I copied one of my favorite prayers (Not that I believe in reciting prayers, but I love how this was worded):

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.
-Reinhold Niebuhr

You can read Melissa's Birthday Surprise post from last year HERE. You won't be disappointed! 

Birthday Surprise. It's Ziemely!

Happy Monday! Today's birthday surprise comes from Ziemely, or as we call her, Zee. I met her this year in our ladies small group bible study yet I feel like I've known her for a lifetime. Though young in the faith, her faith, love, and zeal for the Lord are as contagious as wild fire spreading. Her post is one that we all can identify with and be encouraged by. God bless YOU. 
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I am going to be honest and just say it; I use to like being in control. Let me rephrase that, I use to like thinking I was in control. I say “thinking I was in control” because in reality I have never been in control. Even in those moments in which I thought I was, God was always the one managing the situation.

There are many verses that come to mind when I think of control and letting go of the idea of having it. These are verses that God has used to speak to me in times when I was trying to control situations and/or outcomes in my life. 

You can make plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail. – Proverbs 19:21

A perfect example of this can be found in Genesis when Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers. Although he experienced difficult times along the way, God was always with him. God turned what an outsider would have thought was going to be an awful life into a life in which Joseph was able to show others what trusting in the Lord looks like.

But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. – Matthew 19:26 

There is NOTHING that is impossible with God. I would venture to say for the majority of us, the reason we like “being in control” is a sense of security we get when we think we know how things will turn out in our lives and what will happen next. There are so many opportunities I have had in my life that if it weren’t for God being in control of my life they never would have happened. I never thought I would have passed that class, gotten that job, paid that bill, or traveled there.  I will be forever grateful for all the times I have been wrong; that it was not me that was truly in control. I would miss out on so many things, if only what I thought possible or was capable of doing on my own would happen.

 “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. 

Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” – Mark 14:36

If even Jesus – God incarnate prayed, we should be praying all the more. Not only did Jesus pray to God, He prayed that God’s will be done. At times, I find myself praying for what I believe is best for me. If we think we know what is best for ourselves, just imagine everything the Lord knows IS best for us. In reality, the best thing for us is for God’s will to be done in our lives. He knows the beginning, the end and the beauty that is the in-between. He wants to give and teach us so much, and the only way that can happen is for us to surrender all.

I pray that we can all remember to let go of that need to be in control and allow God to truly work in our lives. That we not turn to God as our last resort, but as our only resort.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, 

thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11 

Birthday Surprise. It's Stephanie!

My favorite holiday is here and with it a very special post by one of my favorite people. For those who don't know Stephanie, she is vibrant, enthusiastic and encouraging. And to those who know her, we can all say we are better people because she is in our lives. May this special Thanksgiving post speak comfort and joy to your heart. 
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To be completely honest, I wanted to decline Raquel’s offer when she first asked me to be a guest blogger. Why? I let fear paralyze me at that moment and I had no idea what to write about, BUT I heard a firm response from God, “Yes, you WILL write and you WILL share what you have learned!” I immediately knew exactly what He was talking about. So here it goes…

Back in February, I attended an amazing conference. Prior to this conference, I was ecstatic to volunteer and serve at the conference, but God gave me a clear “No!” I was crushed and confused because my heart’s desire is to serve others, but I knew that God wanted me to be still, sit back, and hear from Him. It would be me and Him, nothing else!

Throughout the conference God was moving in my heart. The night Hillsong United led worship, God revealed something to me. You see, God exposed  the ugliness of my heart to me and unfolded a deeper layer that I had no idea was lying inside of my heart. I knew then this was one of the reasons God wanted me to sit out, and not volunteer at the conference. I suddenly broke out in tears and felt my knees suddenly collapse.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed. God revealed to me that I was angry. Angry with Him! “What?!? How could this be? I’m so head over heels in love with Him! How could I have been angry and in love with Him all at the same time?

Rewind …

Way before attending this conference, I had been trying to pass one of the tests to become a teacher. It had taken me a little well over a year to pass it. While many eagerly waited to start the New Year, I was taking into the New Year a heavy burden of frustration. Throughout that time of test after test, I felt like I done everything humanly possible to pass. I bought books, hired tutors, listened to cds, attended workshops, and more. My next train of thought was, “My failing MUST be because I’m not spiritual enough?” (At this point, I had no idea where my head was at.) I then proceeded into trying to do all the “Christian stuff” so that I can hopefully gain God’s favor and mercy to pass the test. (Side note: This is so far from God’s truth…We do NOT have to gain His love, it’s unconditional nor do we have to work to receive His favor/mercy/grace) I fasted. I prayed. I went to church. I sought Biblical counsel. I read my Bible. I had done anything and everything. I knew for sure God was going to hook it up and open the door for me to pass. Yeah, NO! The next time I went to take it, I read in big fat letters, “Not pass!” “What? God, how could this be? You MUST be mad at me!”

Fast-forward to the conference …

“Angry? Why would I be angry with God?” It then dawned on me that I was angry because the thought of God forsaking me, and not giving me the desires of my own selfish heart, had been lingering inside of me. I had been feeling let down by God. I felt like my prayers were hitting the roof and not heaven. Why wouldn’t God turn to me and allow for me to pass the test? “C’mon God, You created everything in 6 days... Can’t you just make it happen and allow this miracle to take place?!” I would have never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I would reach the point of being angry with my God.

After I left the conference, I confessed to my boyfriend all that I had been hidden in my heart. We prayed, and I instantly felt God’s love and healing hand over my heart and life. God’s faithfulness revealed to me yet once again. “CONFESS your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be HEALED.” James 5:16.

Thanksgiving is here! What am I thankful for? Well, I’m thankful for God’s strength. He gave me strength to push forward even when I thought I could not take one more step or one more test. I took that test 7 times! If it was not for Him, I would have easily given up probably after the 3^rd time of not passing it. I was stubborn (hence me having to take it 7 times) and God wanted me to gain radical faith in trusting Him with my life even when things don’t “fall in place.” I’m thankful that though this sin had been residing in my heart, God’s love did not change.

I learned many things during that season of my life. I can honestly say that though storms may come, and they will come, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I encourage you to dig deep and pray even when it seems as if you can not mutter out a single word to God. Prayer not only changes things, but it changes YOU!

“BE THANKFUL IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, 

for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need and THANK HIM for all he has done.” –Philippians 4:6

“When everything seems like it’s falling apart, 

that’s when God is putting things back together just the way He wants it.” 

One last thing, though God did not answer my prayer on my timeline to pass the test, He did do something far more imaginable. He gave me the gift of faith! Faith to truly trust God with my life, with my future, even when all else fails.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Birthday Surprise. It's Alejandro!

Happy Monday! I am so excited to share with you today's birthday surprise! Alejandro is a talented photographer but most importantly a devoted man of God. He proved to be worthy of my friend's affection and love, therefore, making him worthy of my admiration. Without further ado, here is his post... from the heart of God to Alejandro's heart, and now to yours.
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Good morning readers!

I wanted to first thank Raquel for allowing me to post my thoughts on her amazing blog. I got to meet her through my lovely fiance Jessica. Raquel is a true encouragement to those around her and I am glad to know such an awesome woman of God.  The ideas on this blog post are mine but some of the information was derived from a bible study I also attended called 'Men’s Fraternity'. It truly revolutionized my view on who I am and how to live as a man.

The real secret of meeting the man of your dreams: This post is to let you ladies in on a secret, the true secret to find the right man in your life; and that is no joke. Men may be upset that I am sharing this with you, but oh well. I will share with you not from a general standpoint but from personal experience.

In order to find this amazing man, you have travel back in time to understand where the good men could be found today. Since America began the Industrial revolution to move our society forward, it pulled men away from their homes for long and strenuous hours in factories, mines, and other types of industries which were very time consuming. In doing so, the boys were left at home with their mothers to raise them. There is nothing wrong with a boy being raised with mom, but until this point boys worked alongside their fathers and the values of being a man were instilled in them by the their fathers. 

Fast forward a few years to the First World War. Men were sent off to war, and experienced horrific things, only to return home jaded. They became closed off to their boys at home. They couldn't the terrible things they saw and more importantly kept an emotional distance from them. A few more years into the future, we are starting to bring equality to women. (Women stay with me here, I am all for the equal rights. But if you see how it truly turned out you will understand where I am going.) What happened in the long run wasn't just the right to vote, drive a car, and equal pay for equal jobs, but men felt that meant a woman was asking to be left to do things alone. It became “what you can do I can do better” and women were now left to raising kids and working multiple jobs to keep up. Men just closed out after so many years. 

The result, well you see it, men are acting like boys with facial hair: living with mom, standing in line for hours to get the latest video games, not committing to anything of importance, even worse, not standing for anything.  This is the sad state we are currently in and it is not that there isn't any good men in our churches, men are not present anywhere.  Ladies your pick in men has dwindled down to a kid’s pool and they are not the ones ready to lead you in your marriage. 

And here you started to read this blog post and thought that I would give you the magic bullet to find the perfect man.  Sorry, I didn't come through in the way you might have thought, but what I will do is give you four things to look for as FRUIT of a real man.

1.     A real man will lead courageously:  This doesn't mean he will boss everyone around implying he is right.  It means he will take guidance from those above him, respect everyone’s opinion, and lead his family or those around him with unconditional love, sacrificing his own desires for the good of those entrusted to him. Ephesians 5:25 

2.    A real man will accept responsibility:  Men have a tendency to excuse themselves quite often.  I struggle with this myself and realize it is because it is easier to explain why I did something instead of accepting responsibility for my decisions.  Men have to be willing to own up to their actions/decisions.  Not shifting blame by doing a matrix move out of the way.

3.    A real man rejects being passive:  He isn't indifferent about life or God and the things of God.  He is always the initiator and is never a spectator. Jesus is our example in that He wasn't a watching bystander; He got his hands dirty when the moment called for it. John 2:14-15 

4.    A real man expects the greater reward from God:  He is not looking for a quick fix satisfaction but delays the gratification with an eternal perspective.  Not acting out of the desire for the approval of those around him but only seeking the words from God, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Matthew 25:21 

I would like to say that this is not easy for any man to accomplish on his own.  He needs to have a team of brothers alongside him, praying and fasting for one another. A man, who is a “loner”, is a weak man.  He cannot stand alone. He needs to have a healthy relationship with God and desire God on his own will, not yours. I know this is a lot to read, but trust me when I say they are men out there but you need to just “wait and see”. Jesus spoke of waiting to see the fruit from people who claim to be prophets:

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Matt 7:16-20

Sometimes you just need to wait and see for those four indicators of a real man. This man will not be perfect because believe me, I am working at these and I fail, but knowing I have Jesus on my corner helps. The support of those who also are pursing God is a GREAT. I hope this encourages and gives you hope as God takes you on this journey.

May God’s peace cover your hearts and guide you to a new place in your journey with Him. God bless. 

Alejandro