Birthday Surprise! It's Denise.

Happy Wednesday and Thanksgiving Eve! Today's post is from my cousin Denise. She is no newbie here, you can read her 2012 Birthday Surprise HERE. Praying that the promises of God that Denise shares, may be engraved in your heart and and ever present help in time of need. God bless YOU! 

photo credit

You are not alone 

Have you ever been in a crowd of people and felt completely isolated? It's that feeling where you are physically present but no one notices.  I have been hearing this topic from a several people lately. They tell me how they feel lonely, like they don't have any friends, like no one cares but they are constantly surrounded by people. My normal response is, "I know exactly how you feel." 

I spent most of my life feeling this way.  I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression as a teenager.  I became a Christian once I was in college and Jesus changed my life forever. Most of my fear went away but even as a Christian, there are still those moments where the devil tries to take hold.

I go into these random moments of depression where I feel lost, like I'm in a deep pit and I'm sinking and I can't ever get out again. I have traveled across the country, to the other side of the world even, but nothing is as sad, scary and dark as this place.  

As a Christian, I recognize that there is no reason to stay there. I have a mighty God who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to go back there again and now I know that it's because, when I get out of it, I love Him even more and cling to Him desperately. 

I was reading Isaiah 60:20 the other night and this verse really encouraged me.  "Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end."

There are times when I feel like I don't even want to be on this earth. Before Christ, these thoughts were filled with despair, they were suicidal because I didn't understand what the point of my existence was. Now when I have these thoughts it's more of a longing and a hope that one day I will be in my real home with Jesus. 

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14 

So now as I wait for that glorious moment when Jesus rescues me from this cruel world, I have to make the best of it and live my life by honoring and worshiping him.  I don't feel so lost in the crowd anymore, because I know that my satisfaction does not come from humans, it comes from the Lord. 

Though I might still feel lonely at times deep down I know that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. 

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7 

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you." Psalms 9:10

So if you are feeling lonely or like you don't belong, instead of turning to people to fill that void, turn to Jesus, the only one who can satisfy you.   

"Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. Psalms 17:15 

be profitably engaged

Happy Wednesday Lovelies! 

This morning as I sipped on my coffee and casually opened my Youversion bible apple to the reading plans, I read Day by Day With Billy Graham. Here below is the reading for today: 

"As Christians, we have the Spirit of God in us. But ours is the responsibility to keep sin out of our lives so that the Spirit can produce His fruit in us. Become grounded in the Bible. As Christians, we have only one authority, one compass: the Word of God. Abraham Lincoln in a letter to a friend said, “I am profitably engaged in reading the Bible. Take all of this Book upon reason that you can, and the balance upon faith. You will live and die a better man.” Begin the day with the Book; and as the day comes to a close, let the Word speak its wisdom to your soul. Let it be the firm foundation upon which your hope is built. Let it be the Staff of Life upon which your spirit is nourished. Let it be the Sword of the Spirit which cuts away the evil of your life and fashions you in His image and likeness.Almighty God, Your Word nourishes my whole being and I praise Your holy name!"

I was refreshed yet convicted by these words. Too often I head for my phone, check off a reading plan and consider that God's Word for me that day. How easily I have exchanged my Bible for technology. Not to say that these Bible apps are terrible, they are not. However, nothing should replace the intimacy of alone time with God... Alone meaning just me and my Bible. May my hands be engaged with the pages of my Bible. May my eyes be engaged with every word . May my heart be fully engaged with the heart of the One who penned this book for me. And may my mind be engaged with every command, truth, and promise.

"I am profitably engaged in reading the Bible." -Abraham Lincoln
Can these words be true of me?

ll Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

... and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:17

Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. John 17:17

How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word. Psalm 119:9

For the word of the Lord is right, and all His work is done in truth. Psalm 33:4

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

Fireflies - God Knows Me!

Hi Lovlies!
A week ago a good friend of mine took a step of faith and began a ministry called Fireflies. Here is a brief description:

"A group of wonderfully made 3rd-5th graders looking to shine our light. The Firefly girl knows that beauty radiates from the inside out, and that real beauty comes from serving others."

How could I not accept the invitation to be a part of this group!?
The Fireflies gather together the first Saturday of every month to do a craft, play a game, work on an outreach project, and (my favorite part) learn about God. My lovely friend hosted the meeting and deligated each portion of the meeting to another lady invited. I had the awesome privilege of teaching God's word to the beautiful fireflies. I was asked to teach from Psalm 139 (YES!!!). These are my notes:

God Knows ME!

Psalm 139:1-4
O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.

Here we read that God sees you. Our GREAT and BIG God sees the whole world, including you. He is with you sleeping.

He is with you awake.
He is with you when you sit down.
He is with you when you stand up.
He is with you when you walk.
He is with you when you run.
He is with you when you play.
He is with you when you sing.
He is with you when you read.
He is with you when you are alone.
He is with you when you are with your family.
He is with you at school.
He is with you everywhere you go.
He knows your thoughts.
He knows when you are afraid.
He knows when you are sad.
He knows when you are happy.
He knows what makes you happy.
He knows your heart.
He knows you, everything about you.

Psalm 139:5
You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. He is all around you on every side protecting you.

Not only does God know everything about you, He also promises to bless you and protect you. Nothing about your day catches God by surprise.

For example, He knows if you have to go to the doctor’s office, He knows if you have to take a test in school; he knows if you have a sports activity to go to. He knew along time ago that you would be in this room today. He knew about Fireflies.

Day and night God is aware of everything that happens to you. Day and night He protects us from harm. He protected all of us on our way here. He protects you and your family and your friends because He knows them too.

Psalm 139:6
Such knowledge is too amazing for me,
Too great for me to understand!

It is difficult for me to understand God’s mind. When doubt fills my mind I have to remember that I won’t always understand all of God or why He does so many amazing things for me, a sinner. The little knowledge that I know about God is enough to quiet my doubts. Here are four great truths that are amazing:

God knows you.
God loves you.
God blesses you.
God protects you.

Psalm 139:9-12
If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you

Two things we see here that are so good for us.
One) No matter where you are, or how far you are, God will be with you to guide you. God is strong and will help you with every problem. He will help you and support you.
Two) Darkness and Light are the same to God. Have you ever been in the dark? It’s scary!!! When you are in the dark, you can’t see anything, but God can see everything in the dark. He can see you and be with you. God isn’t afraid of the dark. Remember, you are never alone.

Have you ever been lost in the day time or in a store? That too can be scary, even though it isn’t darkness. God still sees you and is with you. He isn’t afraid of anything. No matter where we are at, near, far, or lost, God can see us and is with us.

Next time we meet I will share with you more about God’s love for you and how much He knows about you. There is so much God wants us to know about Him. He has given to us His own words to know Him by. It’s called the Bible. It tells us EVERYTHING we need to know about our awesome God. All the pages speak of His greatness. They give us knowledge and make us more like God. I would like for all of you to read your Bible and learn more about the God who knows everything about you!

After the Bible study we split into small groups. These were my sweet, spunky, and gusty gals:

Waiting. Delighting.

[photo credit]

Earlier this week I was chatting with a friend. She asked me about my upcoming trip to Haiti. As I shared with her the minor and major details, I found myself saying, “This is different. It’s not something I was anxious about, or waited for. I truly believe that the Lord has seen my delight in Him and is now granting me my heart’s desire.”

Two years ago the desire to go to Haiti was planted in my heart. And though I prayed, I was not consumed by it. In my years of waiting, I could have hustled God, nagged Him, thrown fits, and questioned His purposes, or made attempts to make it happen. But for whatever reason, beyond myself, I did not. Looking back, I delighted in the Lord and now, well now I am about to experience God granting me the desire of my heart.

It seems that we are always waiting for something: a job, a raise, a deal to go through, a spouse, a child, deliverance, a response from Heaven, or, you fill in the blank according to your situation. Basically, we are waiting for life to get better. I do believe that most of the things we are waiting for are not selfish, but God planted desires that will satisfy the “abundant life” that is promised to us in John 10:10. I ask for us to stop and consider this question: How are you waiting?

In considering my waiting for Haiti and my waiting for other desires, I see a difference. I normally wait and wait and wait and continue waiting. Somewhere in between waiting and waiting, a series of happenings begin to unfold:

I over think

I doubt and nagg God

I become anxious

I am led by emotions

I contemplate methods of manipulation

I try to help God and accelerate His purpose

I grow weary, burdened and discouraged

Bitterness kicks in

Hold up! You too?! When we wait and our expectations aren't met within our time frame or in a less favorable manner we can spiral into a series of ugly and rebellious attitudes. Therefore, learning what delighting in the Lord is and it's benefits is instrumental for our waiting season. Delighting cannot happen if we are not in God's word, committed to prayer and active in His service. Delighting removes our constant fixation on the desire and causes us to focus on the Giver of every good and perfect gift. Delighting on the Giver will enable us to wait joyfully and patiently. Delighting through the waiting process will also guard our hearts from losing hope or lacking faith. Lastly, Delighting will change us, for it may be that the very outcome we are waiting for could differ from the outcome God has already chosen for us (which is always the better of the two). 

Whether you have begun to wait or have been waiting for x amount of time, know that God is fully aware of your desires. He has not forgotten you. He loves you and is working all things out for your good, and ultimately for His glory. My encouragement to you as you wait for ____________, is to not delight nor glorify a desire or its outcome, but delight fully and wholly in the Lord (not for what He can do or give, but for who He is). In His perfect timing He will grant you your heart’s desire and give you the abundant life He intended for you to live. 

May we be delightful people with delighting hearts. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:3-5 

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 37:13-14 

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. 

Birthday Surprise. It's Alejandro!

Happy Monday! I am so excited to share with you today's birthday surprise! Alejandro is a talented photographer but most importantly a devoted man of God. He proved to be worthy of my friend's affection and love, therefore, making him worthy of my admiration. Without further ado, here is his post... from the heart of God to Alejandro's heart, and now to yours.
-

[photo credit]

Good morning readers!

I wanted to first thank Raquel for allowing me to post my thoughts on her amazing blog. I got to meet her through my lovely fiance Jessica. Raquel is a true encouragement to those around her and I am glad to know such an awesome woman of God.  The ideas on this blog post are mine but some of the information was derived from a bible study I also attended called 'Men’s Fraternity'. It truly revolutionized my view on who I am and how to live as a man.

The real secret of meeting the man of your dreams: This post is to let you ladies in on a secret, the true secret to find the right man in your life; and that is no joke. Men may be upset that I am sharing this with you, but oh well. I will share with you not from a general standpoint but from personal experience.

In order to find this amazing man, you have travel back in time to understand where the good men could be found today. Since America began the Industrial revolution to move our society forward, it pulled men away from their homes for long and strenuous hours in factories, mines, and other types of industries which were very time consuming. In doing so, the boys were left at home with their mothers to raise them. There is nothing wrong with a boy being raised with mom, but until this point boys worked alongside their fathers and the values of being a man were instilled in them by the their fathers. 

Fast forward a few years to the First World War. Men were sent off to war, and experienced horrific things, only to return home jaded. They became closed off to their boys at home. They couldn't the terrible things they saw and more importantly kept an emotional distance from them. A few more years into the future, we are starting to bring equality to women. (Women stay with me here, I am all for the equal rights. But if you see how it truly turned out you will understand where I am going.) What happened in the long run wasn't just the right to vote, drive a car, and equal pay for equal jobs, but men felt that meant a woman was asking to be left to do things alone. It became “what you can do I can do better” and women were now left to raising kids and working multiple jobs to keep up. Men just closed out after so many years. 

The result, well you see it, men are acting like boys with facial hair: living with mom, standing in line for hours to get the latest video games, not committing to anything of importance, even worse, not standing for anything.  This is the sad state we are currently in and it is not that there isn't any good men in our churches, men are not present anywhere.  Ladies your pick in men has dwindled down to a kid’s pool and they are not the ones ready to lead you in your marriage. 

And here you started to read this blog post and thought that I would give you the magic bullet to find the perfect man.  Sorry, I didn't come through in the way you might have thought, but what I will do is give you four things to look for as FRUIT of a real man.

1.     A real man will lead courageously:  This doesn't mean he will boss everyone around implying he is right.  It means he will take guidance from those above him, respect everyone’s opinion, and lead his family or those around him with unconditional love, sacrificing his own desires for the good of those entrusted to him. Ephesians 5:25 

2.    A real man will accept responsibility:  Men have a tendency to excuse themselves quite often.  I struggle with this myself and realize it is because it is easier to explain why I did something instead of accepting responsibility for my decisions.  Men have to be willing to own up to their actions/decisions.  Not shifting blame by doing a matrix move out of the way.

3.    A real man rejects being passive:  He isn't indifferent about life or God and the things of God.  He is always the initiator and is never a spectator. Jesus is our example in that He wasn't a watching bystander; He got his hands dirty when the moment called for it. John 2:14-15 

4.    A real man expects the greater reward from God:  He is not looking for a quick fix satisfaction but delays the gratification with an eternal perspective.  Not acting out of the desire for the approval of those around him but only seeking the words from God, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” Matthew 25:21 

I would like to say that this is not easy for any man to accomplish on his own.  He needs to have a team of brothers alongside him, praying and fasting for one another. A man, who is a “loner”, is a weak man.  He cannot stand alone. He needs to have a healthy relationship with God and desire God on his own will, not yours. I know this is a lot to read, but trust me when I say they are men out there but you need to just “wait and see”. Jesus spoke of waiting to see the fruit from people who claim to be prophets:

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them. Matt 7:16-20

Sometimes you just need to wait and see for those four indicators of a real man. This man will not be perfect because believe me, I am working at these and I fail, but knowing I have Jesus on my corner helps. The support of those who also are pursing God is a GREAT. I hope this encourages and gives you hope as God takes you on this journey.

May God’s peace cover your hearts and guide you to a new place in your journey with Him. God bless. 

Alejandro

Lyrical Friday - Not For A Moment

[photo credit]

Today's post and song is on that is sure to encourage just about anyone. Below are a few of the verses that have sustained me through rough waters, wanderings and through seasons of stillness and silence. When I have felt alone and abandoned, God has proved me wrong. I have never been alone, not for a moment. He has never forgotten me, not for a moment. He will never forsake me, not for a moment. He is constant. He is good. He is sovereign. And, He is for you! You are not alone. You are not forgotten. You have not been forsaken. May the promises of God and the lyrics of this song encourage you in a great and mighty way. 

-

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8 

-
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
-
You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. Psalm 18:28
-
Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces. Psalm 107:13-14
-
Unto the upright there arises light in the darkness; He is gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous. Psalm 112:4
-
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence? 
If I ascend into heaven, You are there; 
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. 
If I take the wings of the morning, 
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
Psalm 139:7-10
-
Not For a Moment, Meredith Andrews

-
You were reaching through the storm 
walking on the water 
even when I could not see 
in the middle of it all 
when I thought You were a thousand miles away 
not for a moment did You forsake me 
not for a moment did You forsake me 

-

after all You are constant 
after all You are only good 
after all You are sovereign 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
not for a moment will You forsake me 

-

You were singing in the dark 
whispering Your promise 
even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 
-and every step every breath you are there 
every tear every cry every prayer 
in my heart at my worst 
when my world falls down 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
even in the dark 
even when it's hard 
you will never leave me 
after all 

Lyrical Friday - You Alone We Praise

Happy Friday!
I heard this song for the first time last week and could not get it out of my head (for good reason). My friends who were with me couldn't stop singing it. And I am pretty sure that after listening to it, you won't either. Enjoy and praise the One who alone is worthy of our praise.
-
You Alone We Praise, Ocean's Edge School of Worship

-
King of Kings and Lord of Lords
You alone are powerful
You reign in love, You reign in love
-
The One who is and is to come
Great I Am, The Holy One
You reign in love, You reign in love
-
You Alone We Praise, Oh
You Alone We Praise
=
Jesus Christ, the Risen One
You have saved us by Your blood
We're overcome, by Your love-
There is no One who is like You
There is no One like our God!

I'm Single... today

Hi, I'm Raquel and I'm Single. I am no Relationship expert, and the direction of this blog has never been about one or the other. But the Lord has called me to address the season of singleness with those who are single... and think they are ready to mingle! LOL

Let's be real, If you're single, chances are you want to change that status. And so do those around you, those who want to fix this "problem" for you. I am guilty of both. From the beginning of time, looking at the first human ever created, the Bible tells us that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Reading Genesis 2 brings a question to mind, why was it not good to be single?  I'm no theologian or Bible expert, but I can tell you from my experience why being alone is not good, and it comes from Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up." And to this problemo, God has made a solution: God sets the solitary in families- Psalm 68:6. 

In my loneliest moments of being single, I have seen the hand of God shift my sorrow into gladness as He placed me in family-type settings. For example: Bible study groups/small groups, friends, coworker, new family members, ministry opportunities and I'm sure I'm leaving out other family-type groups that have been a three-fold cord in my walk with Jesus. God has shown me that in my season of singleness, I am not alone. Yes, the cliche thing to say would be, "You are not alone; God is with you." But truth is, He is with you AND He also places the solitary in families. We pray for companionship and He does answer our prayers; not necessarily in the form that we want it, but He satisfies our lonely hearts. If you don't have a family-type group, pray for one. Pray for a three-fold cord friendship in your life. It may come in the least expected form, but when it's from the Lord, woah! is it good. (It may just be that ministry opportunity that you are running from).

I don't know your situation, I don't know your season in life or even how long the season will last, but you are in it today, so what are you to do with it? Matthew 6:34 answers this question for us, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." What this means to me is, if I am single today, it's because the Lord wills for me to be single, so today I will be the best single I can be for His glory. My encouragement and challenge to you my single friend: be the best single today. I don't know what the Lord has for us tomorrow. We'll worry about that when it comes. 

Signing out, 

The Single Lily

Follow @whereismyboaz on Twitter 

Lyrical Friday - Next Time

For more from Maceij Dakowicz click here

This was not like any Friday...
The Environmental students were given an all day passes to skip other classes in order to spend that school day working outside. I spent all day with my fourth period class pulling weeds, planting, trimming, watering, moving many things around, among other garden work. Being teenagers we didn't just work hard outside, we killed time too. We talked, we laughed, we enjoyed each others company and at the end of the day we all said good-bye and went our merry way.

The weekend faithfully rolled in and with it much excitement. Saturday morning arrived with Prom preparations: hair, nails, makeup, dress, drive, arrive and party on. Sunday was more of a day of rest. And so the weekend had come and gone.

Monday Morning is a day I will never forget, along with the days leading up to it. We were greeted at school with the tragic news that three students had passed away during the weekend: two Senior boys right after Prom in a freak car accident and one teenage girl committed suicide. Horrible way to start the week. I didn't ask to many questions as too the who's and what, I just minded my own business. That is, until my first period class when someone asked me how I was coping with Susy's death.

It was as if they were talking about another Susy.
This couldn't be real. Susy. Susy!? But I had spent all Friday with her. We were talking, laughing and having a good time... suicide? All sorts of thoughts kept crossing my mind, nothing making sense. Still the fact remained, Susy had committed suicide Friday evening after school.

Susy was dead and I was left alive with questions, doubts, fears, guilt, regret and many days ahead of no sleep. She had spent all day with me, and I was too consumed with myself to see her need. I had spent all week and all day with her yet was too self-conscious to speak up and share with her what God had been prompting me to tell her. I spent all day with her and I was too self absorbed to offer her the only solution to her problems: Jesus.

It wasn't too long after that I vowed before the Lord that I would never be ashamed of the Gospel or hide it from anyone. With blood on my hands, tears in my eyes and after many years still heartbroken, I owe it to God (who has restored me) and Susy to speak up for the sake of the cross. Jesus died for you, for me, for that coworker of yours that seems fine, for the student that sits next to you in class, for the guy who you cross paths with on random days, He died for all... you may never have a next time to share Christ with those around you. I beg you, do not be to afraid to intrude with the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Next Time, The Arrows Band


I never get tired of believing You
I never get tired of trying to breakthrough
I just get tired of myself sometimes
Cus' you know that it's so easy to be human
It's so easy to make excuses
But the simple truth is I was too scared of intruding

These are peoples lives you're playing with He said
Every time you get a little bit scared
You let another one slip through the net He said
They need Me more than you need to be comfortable
I said stop listening to your head

Oh and Listen to Me
Your mind doesn't understand the things that I see
Next time next time next time listen to Me
Because my voice should be louder than your reasoning, your reasoning
Those human things

Cus' if I don't go when you say go
If I don't speak when you say so
We might find that we run out of pace to see the world around us changed
If I don't move when you say move
Cus' I don't trust what you told me to do
It might never come around again
Heeeeey, next time I'll do it your way

You never know where the Spirit has been whispering at night
You never know where the angels have been putting up a fight
We cannot see with our own eyes
Everything is organised
We can only view when it’s our turn to go
Switch on the lights!


But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? Romans 10:14

looking into the mirror

This past Friday was Jen's birthday. ((A little history for those new to the blog: back in January Jen, one of my best friends, moved to Atlanta, GA.)) She flew down to Miami for the weekend to celebrate. The gang gathered at a very cute restaurant called Berries. It was heavenly to have everyone together. My best friends sitting at one table, I couldn't ask for more. I miss my friends. I miss having the intimate connection of a friend that is closer than a brother. I miss the accountability. I miss the group prayers. I miss the adventures. I miss laughing at a joke that no one else could possibly understand. And a part of me yearns for the days when we all were without care.

This year has been rough for me.

Thus far, God has been doing a new work in me... I can't pin point one specific area but I feel Him stretching me. Growing pains... a lot of : Adjustments. Seeking. Discovering. Letting go. Accepting. Pondering. Brokenness. Wholeness. Restoration. Healing.

A whole lot of a whole lot.

I don't know what other word(s) would describe how I feel other than alone and lost.

I am learning that the life of ministry is a lonely one.

I am learning that it's OK to be lost, because I will hear a voice saying, "this is the way, walk in it."

I miss who I was but I am learning so much of who I am not and who God wants me to be.

I am learning to not be dependant on others, for God desires and requires holiness.

I am learning, in the most painful of ways, that life is not fair- but God works ALL things out for the good of those called according to His ways.

I am learning to wait upon the Lord and to be of good courage.

I am learning that I know nothing of God's love, grace and mercy.

I am learning, growing and becoming.

Between you and I, though I miss the yesterdays with my best friends and I miss who I was, what I have with God today, though alone, is wonderful. My mind and heart know that to be a lily among thorns, I have to lay down my life. That is, letting go of all that I miss, all that I yearn for, and (the hardest one of all) saying adios to all that is me. Looking into the mirror I hope to one day see not my own reflection, but the reflection of Christ.

This past Sunday at church my dear Pastor reminded me, that the Christian life is a radical life and a life of inconvenience. With that said I close with a word of hope, a word that is convicting me this very moment:

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. +Philippians 3:12-15

The Beginning of the Lily Life - part 1

One generation shall praise Your works to another,

And shall declare Your mighty acts.

Psalm 145:4

Hi readers.

I wanted to share my story with you. Today I will share up to the day that I came to truly know God as my Savior. It's not something I share often, but earlier this year, through this verse in Psalm 145 God prompted my heart to share. There are many things that the Lord permitted in my life that I find no profit in sharing or the need to give in depth details of, however, some things I will be transparent with. Sharing my story is not going to be easy, I am holding unto His strength as I obey His command to declare His mighty acts in my life. Because I tend to write as much as I talk, I won't promise to keep it short and sweet, just sweet : )



In the beginning...

God said, "Let there be beauty" and I was born! Ok, maybe that wasn't the way it all began. I am the second of three children born in New York to a very hardworking married couple. I grew up in a Catholic home with a fear of grieving the Virgin Mary, but even that didn't stop me from being the mischievous and rebellious child that I was. I have always been strong-willed and like the Spanish saying goes, "no tenia pelo en la lengua" in other words, I freely spoke my mind. I was often referred to as "El Terremoto" or "The Earthquake." Needless to say, I was the middle child, the black sheep, the strong yet forgotten child.

In School, my report cards would read like this, "She is very disruptive in class." Teachers either disliked me or loved me. They learned early on that if they gave me tasks to do I would behave better. I bullied the bullies. Yes, as you read it. I didn't like anyone getting mocked, picked on or harassed and I felt called to defend those who were in need. While in Kindergarten, I went to my sister's second grade class and while Mami spoke with Anelle's Teacher I took the liberty of giving the class bully a beat down and left him with some bruises to remind him that being a bully was out of the question while I was at PS 132 Juan Pablo Duarte Elementary. With that said, I was popular. The bullies wanted to keep me on their good side and the weaklings wanted me for protection. I was the friendly bully, people liked me and I liked that.

But at home things were different. I was the middle child, often neglected by my older sister and younger brother who were always playing together. They formed an alliance with all the teddy bears and I wasn't allowed to be a part of that clique. They called me "La Pea" and so I was left alone. The only time I had Ernie as a brother and friend were times that he and Anelle would fight. I would enjoy those moments, because I was his place of comfort. I was Raquel, no longer to be called La Pea. But as surely as the coming of the sun, they would get over their disagreement and I was shunned, till the next argument. My playtime consisted of playing Barbie by myself or helping Mami clean. I always knew that she wouldn't reject my presence. Papi was also a good outlet. He is the fashion industry and he passed on to me his creativity. As a child, I was Daddy's little girl, helping him out with all the fashion "homework" he'd do at home.

This pattern continued as I grew up, insecure and with the attitude of raging beast. I don't remember when or how it came to be but anger and bitterness grew to be a big part of who I was. Looking back I hid it very well, I always did. I became the leading actress in my life and I vowed to never let anyone in. I was changing and not for the better. I surrounded my self with the wrong crowd. I was involved in very illegal business, never consumed (get the point). I was failing my classes, as usual. I disrespected teachers. I shoplifted. I would dress differently behind my parents back. I wore make up that Mami forbid me to wear. I cursed like crazy, as if those words were the extended American alphabet. I was a mess. My rebellion though at the time was about to take a turn for the worse.

My Grandmother and some Aunts had surrendered their lives to Jesus a few years prior. Their prayers were answered when my Parents joined the wagon and accepted Jesus into their life in 1994. I did not like this conversion. And I certainly did not like God for taking my parents away. As a family we began to church hop. My parents were then on a search for a church where the Holy Spirit would ground them in sound doctrine. Mean while, slowly I was being forgotten more and more.

My Parents did find a church, a great one too. Because it was so great and Jesus was being preached I repelled it. Even though I wasn’t a Christian I would tell people that I was because my Parents now were. I would hear God being preached and instead of joy an uncontrollable anger would take over me. I was angry at God for the past. I was angry at God for things I could not understand. I was angry at God for "making" me stupid. I was angry at God for allowing me to get involved in horrible things. I was angry at God for not being wanted and for not being loved. I was angry at God for making me who He had created me to be. It was in that anger that I turned to what would be the last of me.

And here goes the hard part, the part of my past I rather not share. Between being insecure and feeling out of control I researched and concluded that the solution to my problem was to stop eating and be Anorexic. I planned it all out and figured that I could start by skipping one meal a day. Gradually I dropped one meal after another. My plan was successful and I had completely stopped consuming food. I was on a liquid diet for some time, until that was too much for me and so water it was. One day turned into a week that turned into a month and another and so on. The tables turned as I was the one rejecting people in order to not give an account for my sudden loss of weight. My parents were working and attending night school so it was easy to hide from them. Every one was busy with their agenda while I disappeared.

I remember weighing myself at the beginning and end of a certain week and having loss ten pounds in 5 days. That was the ultimate high. Finally I was in control of my life. I had a few complications, like dizziness, hard time breathing, weakness in my bones, sleepless nights, being parched, delusional at times, not focused, discoloration of pigment in my skin color and bad breathe. That was the price I was willing to pay to be in control but even that wasn’t enough. I was empty and wasn’t alive. I was more like a dead woman walking, barely even walking at that. My schedule consisted of school, sleeping during classes, then home, shower, nap, watch TV, go to sleep. One day though, I was interrupted.

That day, I came home from school. Was alone for some odd reason and went to take a shower. As I came out I felt weaker than I ever had. I couldn’t walk straight, my legs were giving out and so I held on to the wall and tried to make it to my room. As I reached the hallway everything around me began to spin, faster each time. The lights became brighter, to the point where there was no distinction between objects. I tried to yell for help but I had no strength to yell. I turned into my room where I fell on my knees. I was gasping for air and with every second my life slipped from my grip. With the little that was left of me I cried out to God, “Take control of my life. I can’t do this on my own.” Immediately, it was as if something breathed consciousness into me. The only way that I know to explain it, is in Genesis when God breathed life into Adam. I could not stop crying, on my knees. I couldn’t stop asking God for forgiveness and thanking Him all at once. He gave me life, literally.

I dressed myself and ran to my dresser where I had shoved the Bible that my parents had bought me earlier that year. The book that I once threw back at them became the bread of life to me. I opened it and began to read, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made…” Psalm 139* was my first read. I closed it and thanked God some more. I opened it again, this time it was Ezekiel 36:16-30*, “I have saved you, not for your sake, but for my holy name’s sake…I have cleansed you… I will give you a heart of flesh for your heart of stone…” After much crying, much repenting and forgiven much by my Lord, I went to the kitchen, made myself a peanut butter sandwich and served myself a cup of milk. The journey of being a Lily among thorns had begun.

Tune in tomorrow for the rest of my story…

*Click here to read Psalm 139 & Ezekiel 36:16-30