The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure

Christmas is almost here and I am so excited. Gift giving/recieving is my numero uno love language. I love shopping and selecting gifts for those I love. You are not the exception! I have a Christmas gift for you too. Today's post was written by my lovely friend Stephanie for you. She's no stranger to Living As A Lily, here is the link to her Thanksgiving post from 2012 that'll give you a little history: click HERE. Go make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, with lots of marshmallows, and unwrap what Stephanie and Jesus have prepared for you!

The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure, by Stephanie Landa

I am so honored Raquel invited me to write on her blog! When she first asked, I quickly responded, “YES!” Not having any idea what to write about, I took a leap of faith and trusted God would reveal exactly what He wanted me to share on this blog. After a couple of days, I knew exactly what to write about, and so here it goes…

“You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.” –Proverbs 19:21

Summer of 2013 was when I first found out I was going to start my career as a 1st grade teacher. I was filled with excitement but so much more with FEAR. Fear of the unknown! And so, I began my career where I almost immediately fell in love with those 1st graders. Not only were they amazing, but so was the administration and my coworkers. After a very short time (1 month and a half), I quit! Yup, I quit! (If you know me, you know I’m not a quitter)

I could only imagine what you are thinking. “This girl is crazy! What in the world happened?”

Well, within that short amount of time of teaching, I struggled so much with fear and anxiety. Endless nights of not sleeping because my mind would not shut up. I felt like I needed everything to be perfect and so rather than allowing myself to plan, do the best that I can, and “let it go” (yes, I totally quoted Frozen), I drove myself insane. (I seemed to have forecasted the rest of my life based off of one moment) I lost a great amount of weight, I disconnected myself from almost everyone, my faith in God was lost, etc. which led me all to a deep depression. My family, fiancé, and friends were all extremely concerned about me.

I remember the day that I quit. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I lost my identity. Even now as I write this, my eyes fill up with tears because the way I felt that day and even months after, was THE hardest time of my life. Now please don’t judge me. I understand God has blessed me with SO MUCH, but at that time, I did NOT have the right perspective and was completely lost. I felt like my identity was in my career (I now know my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone; He defines me) and once I lost that, I felt a great amount of anguish.

Almost my entire life, I thought I was created to be a teacher. I had all these plans set for my life. You would think that I had already learned my lesson about FULLY trusting God and letting Him do as He pleases (you can read more about thise HERE).

Almost 6 months later, I figured it all out. I had all these plans, but God had His ultimate plan and I could not be happier. His purpose did prevail (as it always does) and I found my niche in life and that is to be a Middle School teacher. (I know, I’m crazy, but there is something so special about the middle school students) I won’t bore you with the details as to how I got to this point in my life, but its crazy how all along God had been molding me.

God is able to do “exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all that we could ask or think.” I believe this and because I do I will trust Him, take Him at His word, keep on moving forward. I will fight fear by declaring the promises found in God's word over my life. I have learned a lot and I've shared all of this to strengthen you. I encourage you to make plans in your heart, and get moving, but give God room to direct your steps. Make plans, but keep them fluid. Don’t make them concrete! Allow God to flexibility with those plans, to move them around if needed, to line up those desires to His Word and will. A lot of us sit around waiting for direction from God, but He is waiting for you to draw near to Him. Do step out in faith! Filled with the Holy Spirit you can take gutsy risks on the desires of your heart. Get those feet moving as He leads you.

God is the keeper of your heart and will protect it. He will inspire, encourage, nurture, and breathe new life when needed. Dream big! Make plans! Get moving! He's got you!

    * Stephanie has also contributed: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

Birthday Surprise! It's Denise.

Happy Wednesday and Thanksgiving Eve! Today's post is from my cousin Denise. She is no newbie here, you can read her 2012 Birthday Surprise HERE. Praying that the promises of God that Denise shares, may be engraved in your heart and and ever present help in time of need. God bless YOU! 

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You are not alone 

Have you ever been in a crowd of people and felt completely isolated? It's that feeling where you are physically present but no one notices.  I have been hearing this topic from a several people lately. They tell me how they feel lonely, like they don't have any friends, like no one cares but they are constantly surrounded by people. My normal response is, "I know exactly how you feel." 

I spent most of my life feeling this way.  I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression as a teenager.  I became a Christian once I was in college and Jesus changed my life forever. Most of my fear went away but even as a Christian, there are still those moments where the devil tries to take hold.

I go into these random moments of depression where I feel lost, like I'm in a deep pit and I'm sinking and I can't ever get out again. I have traveled across the country, to the other side of the world even, but nothing is as sad, scary and dark as this place.  

As a Christian, I recognize that there is no reason to stay there. I have a mighty God who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to go back there again and now I know that it's because, when I get out of it, I love Him even more and cling to Him desperately. 

I was reading Isaiah 60:20 the other night and this verse really encouraged me.  "Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end."

There are times when I feel like I don't even want to be on this earth. Before Christ, these thoughts were filled with despair, they were suicidal because I didn't understand what the point of my existence was. Now when I have these thoughts it's more of a longing and a hope that one day I will be in my real home with Jesus. 

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14 

So now as I wait for that glorious moment when Jesus rescues me from this cruel world, I have to make the best of it and live my life by honoring and worshiping him.  I don't feel so lost in the crowd anymore, because I know that my satisfaction does not come from humans, it comes from the Lord. 

Though I might still feel lonely at times deep down I know that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. 

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7 

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you." Psalms 9:10

So if you are feeling lonely or like you don't belong, instead of turning to people to fill that void, turn to Jesus, the only one who can satisfy you.   

"Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. Psalms 17:15 

Lyrical Friday - I Will Exalt

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Happy Friday amigos. 

I'm actually writing this post Thursday night because early this morning my Mother, Bruny, will be having eye surgery. Please keep her in prayer as well as the medical staff (specially Dr. Abbey) of Bascom Palmer Eye Institute. I am confident that the good work God began in her, He will complete. He who created her will bring order to the chaos. He holds her in His hands and I will not fear. I will praise Him for His faithfulness to my Mother, to my family and me. 

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Today's lyrical Friday song is 'I Will Exalt' by Hillsong. This Wednesday the worship team sang this one and for the first time, in a long time, I broke down in tears. Since this fiery trial with my Mother, the peace of God (which surpasses ALL understanding) has guarded my heart and mind. His peace has sustained me. And as I sang the first verse, I exalted Him, I praised Him, worshiped Him for being my God. And then the chorus began... my hiding place. That was all I needed for the tears to burst through my tightly sealed eyes. All these days He has been my peace. But at night, when silence and stillness invite thoughts of doubt, fear and anxiety, He has been my hiding place. As His children, we can enter His presence with our doubts, questions, fears, anxiety, brokenness, mourning, loneliness, depression and failure... and hide (from everything and everyone) in Him. There He comforts us, holds us and reassures us that He himself will fight for us. If you need a hiding place, find a safe refuge in the Lord. Start by meditating on the lyrics and making them your song of praise. Prayer will lead you to His glorious hiding place. 

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For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7

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You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word. Psalm 119:114

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But as for me, I will sing about your power. Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love. For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress. Psalm 59:6

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The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and he saved me from my enemies. 2 Samuel 22:2-4

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Those who live in the shelter of the Most High 
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 
This I declare about the Lord: 
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; 
He is my God, and I trust him. 
For He will rescue you from every trap 
and protect you from deadly disease. 
He will cover you with His feathers. 
He will shelter you with His wings. 
His faithful promises are your armor and protection. 
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, 
nor the arrow that flies in the day. 
Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, 
nor the disaster that strikes at midday. 
Psalm 91:1-6 
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For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3

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I Will Exalt, Brooke Fraser  

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I will exalt You

I will exalt YouI will exalt YouYou are my God-Chorus:My hiding place My safe refugeMy treasure Lord You areMy friend and King Anointed OneMost Holy.-Because You’re with meBecause You’re with meBecause You’re with meI will not fear

The LORD is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Psalm 9:9

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. Psalm 46:1

I am a Martha

Happy Monday!
Today's post comes from my wonderful friend Carolina. I read this last night and identified so much with her struggle. Praying that God may speak to you in a very special way through her. From one Martha to all the Martha's out there, this word is for you:

It's strange how the first place I thought of sharing this was on the blog, not sure why. I come here feeling heavy, lonely, confused. I joke saying this is my "quarter life crisis" but it really isn't, this is a petty issue that I have rolled into a huge snowball of sillyness.

I am Martha, I am the person who has 35 things to do, 5 places to be, all in one day. It's a bit absurd, thinking to myself this is healthy, normal. I've come to realize that I'm martha (Luke 10:38-41). I'm that girl that gets herself so busy, and preoccupied that she doesn't even see Jesus is a guest at her house.

I don't want to worry, I don't want to be anxious about things anymore. God revealed to me that my "god" were my life plans. I had such a tight grip on them, they were MINE and no one else's. No one was allowed to interfere, I was shaken to my core realizing this is what is preventing me from coming to Jesus fully.

In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul. Psalms 94:19 I remember this verse way back when, It made me feel hopeful that there is someone greater who can comfort me. The enemy is fighting for my attention, he wants me to fall on my face and let my desires/worries lead me to a place where I exclude God from everything.

FOR HIS YOLK IS EASY AND HIS BURDEN IS LIGHT.

I want to feel His love again, I need to immerse myself in His river. Taking steps to fall in love with my savior...MY JOY IS NOT FOUND IN THE INCONSISTENCIES OF LIFE BUT IN THE CONSISTENCY OF GOD.


*Seed Planters by Caro on this blog click HERE.

As I wait...

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

Never under estimate the power of God, nor His methods. Yesterday someone who has no clue of my prayers, my struggles, my thoughts sent me this verse. What a timely word it was. Thank You Jesus.

At this very moment I find myself in search for an answer to a very deep prayer. I know that before God gives me a green light, He wants to prepare me for the road ahead. But in the searching and waiting I have often found myself in a traffic-jam-like anxiety... you know, the one where you feel you can't move. But then God reminds me that I should not worry about tomorrow. He will use my daily gleaning in His word, through a song or even a faithful messenger, like yesterday.

As I wait on the Lord, I rest in peace knowing that my life is in His hands... what have I to worry about? In our darkest moments let us hold fast to the promises He has given to us in His word. There is light at the end of the tunnel always- with Christ!

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,  to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21