Have you ever been in a crowd of people and felt completely isolated? It's that feeling where you are physically present but no one notices. I have been hearing this topic from a several people lately. They tell me how they feel lonely, like they don't have any friends, like no one cares but they are constantly surrounded by people. My normal response is, "I know exactly how you feel."
I spent most of my life feeling this way. I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression as a teenager. I became a Christian once I was in college and Jesus changed my life forever. Most of my fear went away but even as a Christian, there are still those moments where the devil tries to take hold.
I go into these random moments of depression where I feel lost, like I'm in a deep pit and I'm sinking and I can't ever get out again. I have traveled across the country, to the other side of the world even, but nothing is as sad, scary and dark as this place.
As a Christian, I recognize that there is no reason to stay there. I have a mighty God who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to go back there again and now I know that it's because, when I get out of it, I love Him even more and cling to Him desperately.
I was reading Isaiah 60:20 the other night and this verse really encouraged me. "Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end."
There are times when I feel like I don't even want to be on this earth. Before Christ, these thoughts were filled with despair, they were suicidal because I didn't understand what the point of my existence was. Now when I have these thoughts it's more of a longing and a hope that one day I will be in my real home with Jesus.
"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14
So now as I wait for that glorious moment when Jesus rescues me from this cruel world, I have to make the best of it and live my life by honoring and worshiping him. I don't feel so lost in the crowd anymore, because I know that my satisfaction does not come from humans, it comes from the Lord.
Though I might still feel lonely at times deep down I know that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side.
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you." Psalms 9:10
So if you are feeling lonely or like you don't belong, instead of turning to people to fill that void, turn to Jesus, the only one who can satisfy you.
"Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. Psalms 17:15