Birthday Surprise. It's Stephanie!

My favorite holiday is here and with it a very special post by one of my favorite people. For those who don't know Stephanie, she is vibrant, enthusiastic and encouraging. And to those who know her, we can all say we are better people because she is in our lives. May this special Thanksgiving post speak comfort and joy to your heart. 
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[photo credit]

To be completely honest, I wanted to decline Raquel’s offer when she first asked me to be a guest blogger. Why? I let fear paralyze me at that moment and I had no idea what to write about, BUT I heard a firm response from God, “Yes, you WILL write and you WILL share what you have learned!” I immediately knew exactly what He was talking about. So here it goes…

Back in February, I attended an amazing conference. Prior to this conference, I was ecstatic to volunteer and serve at the conference, but God gave me a clear “No!” I was crushed and confused because my heart’s desire is to serve others, but I knew that God wanted me to be still, sit back, and hear from Him. It would be me and Him, nothing else!

Throughout the conference God was moving in my heart. The night Hillsong United led worship, God revealed something to me. You see, God exposed  the ugliness of my heart to me and unfolded a deeper layer that I had no idea was lying inside of my heart. I knew then this was one of the reasons God wanted me to sit out, and not volunteer at the conference. I suddenly broke out in tears and felt my knees suddenly collapse.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed. God revealed to me that I was angry. Angry with Him! “What?!? How could this be? I’m so head over heels in love with Him! How could I have been angry and in love with Him all at the same time?

Rewind …

Way before attending this conference, I had been trying to pass one of the tests to become a teacher. It had taken me a little well over a year to pass it. While many eagerly waited to start the New Year, I was taking into the New Year a heavy burden of frustration. Throughout that time of test after test, I felt like I done everything humanly possible to pass. I bought books, hired tutors, listened to cds, attended workshops, and more. My next train of thought was, “My failing MUST be because I’m not spiritual enough?” (At this point, I had no idea where my head was at.) I then proceeded into trying to do all the “Christian stuff” so that I can hopefully gain God’s favor and mercy to pass the test. (Side note: This is so far from God’s truth…We do NOT have to gain His love, it’s unconditional nor do we have to work to receive His favor/mercy/grace) I fasted. I prayed. I went to church. I sought Biblical counsel. I read my Bible. I had done anything and everything. I knew for sure God was going to hook it up and open the door for me to pass. Yeah, NO! The next time I went to take it, I read in big fat letters, “Not pass!” “What? God, how could this be? You MUST be mad at me!”

Fast-forward to the conference …

“Angry? Why would I be angry with God?” It then dawned on me that I was angry because the thought of God forsaking me, and not giving me the desires of my own selfish heart, had been lingering inside of me. I had been feeling let down by God. I felt like my prayers were hitting the roof and not heaven. Why wouldn’t God turn to me and allow for me to pass the test? “C’mon God, You created everything in 6 days... Can’t you just make it happen and allow this miracle to take place?!” I would have never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I would reach the point of being angry with my God.

After I left the conference, I confessed to my boyfriend all that I had been hidden in my heart. We prayed, and I instantly felt God’s love and healing hand over my heart and life. God’s faithfulness revealed to me yet once again. “CONFESS your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be HEALED.” James 5:16.

Thanksgiving is here! What am I thankful for? Well, I’m thankful for God’s strength. He gave me strength to push forward even when I thought I could not take one more step or one more test. I took that test 7 times! If it was not for Him, I would have easily given up probably after the 3^rd time of not passing it. I was stubborn (hence me having to take it 7 times) and God wanted me to gain radical faith in trusting Him with my life even when things don’t “fall in place.” I’m thankful that though this sin had been residing in my heart, God’s love did not change.

I learned many things during that season of my life. I can honestly say that though storms may come, and they will come, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I encourage you to dig deep and pray even when it seems as if you can not mutter out a single word to God. Prayer not only changes things, but it changes YOU!

“BE THANKFUL IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, 

for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need and THANK HIM for all he has done.” –Philippians 4:6

“When everything seems like it’s falling apart, 

that’s when God is putting things back together just the way He wants it.” 

One last thing, though God did not answer my prayer on my timeline to pass the test, He did do something far more imaginable. He gave me the gift of faith! Faith to truly trust God with my life, with my future, even when all else fails.

Happy Thanksgiving!

When God is Silent, teaching from camp

Happy Monday!
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A week ago this very hour, I was standing before a room of 70+ youth girls. God had spoken to me a good word to share with them: When God is Silent. A friend asked me to share my notes and so, here they are.
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When God is Silent
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Opening Exercise:
Ask the girls to close their eyes and not open them till I tell them to. Both the girls and myself are not to speak at all. Do not tell them for how long they will sit in silence.
Once I have them open their eyes, point out:
* Though there was silent, I was still present // Though there is silence from above, God is still present
* Though I was silent, I was still at work // Though God is silent, He is still at work on their behalf
* I wasn't silent because I was upset at them // God is not silent because He is upset at them
* My love for them didn't change because of my silence // God's love for them is unchanging
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Key Verses:

* Psalm 42:1-3 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” 

* Psalm 13:1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

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Personal Experience: 

Briefly share these experiences.

* Four years ago I felt like the Psalmist, abandoned by the Lord

* Brokenhearted by the betrayal of a friend

* Felt useless when I was taken out of ministries

* Felt like a failure as I applied for many jobs and not one company called me back

* I continued to seek the Lord to heal my depression, but He remained silent 

* Doubt became fear 

* I grew faithless 

* I was angry, confused, bitter

* As I compared by life to others, I complained to God about mine

* Pity parties 

* Hopeless I fell down on my face into God's word

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It was through the reading of God's Word that I learned on my own the lessons I am about to teach you. 

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1. Recognize the ways God speaks 

Remind the girls to simply listen and take notes of all scripture references

1. Creation - Psalm 19:1-3 // ex: Rainbow covenant
2. Audibly - Genesis 2 // ex: God spoke to Adam 
3. Miracles & Signs - Hebrews 2:3-4 // ex: Right (God parting the red sea for the people of Israel is him speaking for them to continue). Wrong (If he wears a green shirt he is my future husband). 
4. Bible - 2 Timothy 3:16 // self explanatory
5. Circumstance - Ruth 1-4 // Through our trials He speaks comfort, provision and faithfulness
6. Prophet - Deuteronomy 18:18 // a messenger
7. Judgement - Romans 6:23 // His judgement speaks of His jealous love for us
8. Without Words - Luke 12:10-12 // Through the Holy Spirit
9. His Word Incarnate: Jesus - John 1:1-5 // The most important of all! 

2. When is God Silent?

This is not a checklist, so do not self diagnose God's silence. Seek Him. 

1. He is giving us space to make a decision // ex: Meli had to choose between school or a job (both good but the choice was hers)
2. He isn't ready to speak 
3. He has already spoken
4. He is testing us - 2 Chronicles 32:31b // He tests us not to cause us to fail but to perfect our faith
5. He knows we won't listen // Usually when we are rebellious and in disobedience (He's a gentleman and though He pursues, He won't impose Himself on us.)
6. Something or Someone is hindering our listening // Learn to recognize His voice

3. How NOT to respond when God is Silent

1. Do not doubt God or His Word - James 1:5-8 // Our limited knowledge and worldly wisdom will be as the waves tossed and driven by the wind. We are unstable when we doubt. Continue seeking God's Word and godly council/prayer. 
2. Do not live by sight - 2 Corinthians 5:7 // The opposite of faith is sight. "God, because I do not trust you I live by sight." -Bob Coy
3. Do not become angry - Proverbs 25:28 // When we give in to anger, we are driven by emotions and lose self control/discipline. We become broken down walls, causing us to be vulnerable and defenseless to spiritual attacks.
4. Do not complain - Exodus 16 // The people of Israel could have entered the promise land. It wasn't fear of the giants that kept them from entering, it was their complaining. They wandered for forty years because they complained constantly. They compared their misery to their slavery days. Greatest pity party in history: They longed for onions! YUCK! When we complain, we keep ourselves from the "promise land" and a perfected faith. We then become wanderers. 

4. How to respond when God is Silent

1. View His last order(s) as standing orders // Whatever He told you to do last, continue doing that
2. Remember past victories/promises of God and rest your faith in that 
3. Long for the Lord as David did in Psalm 42, don't let the passion/zeal die 
4. Recognize that silence can be an intimate place with God
5. Keep talking to God

5. When was God silent in the Bible

1. Job suffered many horrific troubles. Chapters 1-37 God is silent, He finally speaks in chapter 38. That's a lot of time! 
2. David's life, through the Psalms, we read Him crying out for God to speak and work on his behalf. His enemies even mocked Him because God was silent. We also that God never left His side. 
3. Hannah prayed for a child and God's silence was reflected in her barrenness. God opens and closes the womb in scripture. He speaks as Hannah and Elkanah conceive Samuel the Prophet. 
4. When Mary and Martha called fro Jesus to heal their brother Lazarus who was sick. Jesus didn't move for two days, by then Lazarus was dead. They may have felt neglected. When they all thought all was lost, Jesus spoke, "Lazarus, come forth." Lazarus, still wrapped in burial wraps came back to life. 
5. The woman caught in the very act of adultery, stood before a crowd ready to stone her to death for her sin. Jesus, the only one who could have rightfully judged and condemned her, was silent as He wrote on the floor. There in the presence of Jesus' silence, as she waited to die, all her accusers left, one by one. And then He spoke, "Go, and sin no more."
6. From the last word in the book of Malachi to the first word spoken in the book of Matthew, God was silent. That is 400 years, making that the longest period of time that God was silent. Imagine living your entire existence without ever hearing from God. The time of greatest silence was needed in order for God to do His greatest work. He became man and died the worst death, that today we would be able to live. 

Close: 

* Silence can be likened to being stranded in a desert. 

* "The desert is fertile ground for our spiritual transformation and for God's grace to be revealed in magnificent ways." -Bianca Juarez 

* Every season of our lives is to be accepted as a gift from God. Even the seasons of silence.
Embrace this season.

Invitation: 
* Hosea 6:1-3, "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.” 

• The rains in early spring was extremely important. If it did not rain in the spring, the land would not bear fruit that would sustain them in the seasons of drought and winter. 
• God promises that when we pursue Him, He will be to us the dew of Israel, watering (the Holy Spirit work through the application of His Word) our lives so that we can bear much fruit and yes, even faith for the seasons of silence.

*Hosea 10:12, "Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Break up the fallow and hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you.

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There you have it. I pray that Lord may have spoken to you, as He spoke to me these lessons. If you need prayer, shoot me an email [livingasalily@gmail.com]. May the Lord guard your heart and mind as you seek Him in the silence.

Last week at Uth Camp as the girls sat in silence.