happy 5th birthday blogie

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I know I'm a little late in posting... actually, I've been lost lately.
Much (an not much) has happened in this past year. But I can sum it all with this one verse:

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.” Genesis 15:1

 God led me to do the unexpected. Out of my very mouth unimaginable words poured forth, "I'm stepping down." Say What?!?! Who... Me...  Yes! And there I sat, in tears, knowing that these very words were not spoken by my will but by God's very Spirit.

You see, I'm not an educated person like most of my peers. I didn't go to college. I have no degree, or even an AA. And though I had no title to define me, I was defined by service and ministries.

In a very inconspicuous way, these works were idols in my life. I was going to church to serve, and without notice my attendance for God alone was less and less. Don't get me wrong, I didn't drift from God. On the contrary, my service was for Him. But I was all works and neglectful of my own heart. The words of Jesus echo loudly to me concerning Mary, "But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42.

The next day I sat in my car crying. I doubted that God had spoken through me. I was afraid that this decision was the wrong one. I feared that this decision would affect my youth girls and the various ministries I was involved in. Worst of all, was I trusting God or cowardly running? I wept bitterly. At that moment I knew I needed to hear from God. I read from Jack Hayford's YouVersion Plan, Praise In The Presence of God:

God Is Our Reward
God never demands a sacrifice for the divine pleasure of smelling its aroma or because He needs us to tickle His pride. The objective is our release—our growth.

God asked Abraham to offer Isaac. Not to exploit Abraham’s emotions or to destroy Isaac, but to take away forever Abraham’s fear that God might not have his best interest at heart. Only in worship do we draw close enough to discern God’s true nature and loving heart.

God gave Abraham no immediate monetary reward for worshiping Him, but the reward was immensely grander—God Himself! (Jack Hayford)

After these things the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. Genesis 15:1

God was asking me that very moment to willingly offer my works. Not to exploit my emotions or to destroy these ministries but to take away forever my fear that God might not have His best interest at heart. It was in fact through this act of worship that I have been able to draw close enough to discern God's nature and loving heart. He has been my shield these past few months, my exceedingly great reward.

The sacrifice was more than just stepping down from serving at church. It meant seeking a place of refuge where He would restore, revive, and renew me. Even I can recognize that old habits don't die so easily. I prayed for God's guidance and He provided such a place. Remember, God's objective through our sacrifice is our growth. And I have been growing. That is something beautiful that can not be taken from me.

I can't put to words all that He has been revealing to me, or even what He is stirring in my heart. But I can tell you this, He is making me new. 

I have been lost with reason. I've been enjoying my reward, God himself.

Anywho, now that I have brought you up to date...CHEERS to the fifth year!

Birthday Surprise! It's Yani!

Happy Thursday and Happy Thanksgiving! Today is my all time favorite Holiday and because it is I have invited one of my all time favorite people to write the Thanksgiving Day post. My friend Yani is dear to me for so many reasons. She is caring, loving, compassionate, transparent, honest, and insanely funny. She loves my Jesus so much and demonstrates to me what a life of gratitude should look like. You will be inspired, through her writing, to increase your faith and thanksgiving. Happiest of days to You!

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Sometimes God uses the most unexpected people in your life to teach you lessons. I have many wise people in my life, that God has used for just that purpose. But one of the most recent ones, and the most impacting, was when God used my fifteen year old daughter Samantha to show me how my faith was like an atrophied muscle... it needed a boot-camp style workout. 

Being a Christian for eight years, I have on countless occasions read Matthew 17:20 “ He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  I know it by memory! I have used it in ministering to others. However, as we currently endure a difficult season in our lives, it must have slipped my mind (insert blushing emoticon here).  

In September, just one month after moving into a new home my husband lost his job. This was a devastating blow for our family. We had spent months praying for this new home. We had just moved in, and desired to have a good relationship with our landlords. And then BOOM!  It felt as if a a nuclear bomb had gone off and destroyed all of our dreams and aspirations. It might sound silly to some of you, but that’s what it felt like to us. Robert is the sole bread winner in our home. No job means no way to pay the bills. We were devastated and quite frankly terrified, but we put our “faith” in God and moved forward. 

Hillsong  was coming to town, and Samantha really wanted to go to the concert. After the move, things were tight and we weren't sure we were going to be able to purchase tickets. With Robert losing his job, the idea of purchasing tickets went from a probably not to a definite No. When we sat her down to break the news to her, she was bummed, and stayed pensive for a while. She tried to find ways that she could go to the concert, and every suggestion led us back to the same response, No. After a little while she looked at us and said “ I’m going to that concert. If it is Gods will for me to go, He will open up the doors and get me a ticket”. Robert and I dismissed it as wishful thinking and got back to more important matters like how we were going to pay the bills. 

As the weeks passed, she continued to hear about the concert on the radio. Week after week, she sang the songs at church, and learned that her friends and practically everyone she knew was going to the concert. Robert and I felt bad for her, but there was nothing we could do. 

Fast forward to Saturday November 23, the day of the concert. Our morning plans had been canceled and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get up to date on the chores. We were cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking dinner. The concert was at 7:30 pm and for sure we were not going. At 3:00 pm I got a text from a friend offering us three tickets to the concert . Samantha automatically looked at me, smiled, and said “I told you”. My faith was too small to believe that God would give us tickets, but not hers. Her faith was big enough that even at the last minute she knew and believed that there was going to be a way that she would go to that concert and jam with Young and Free. Needless to say, we went to the concert and it was amazing, even the seats were amazing! And in that wonderful way that God has of dealing with me, He let me know that I had just been taught a lesson.  

You see, after the concert our friend who had offered us the tickets came up to us, and as we are telling her how grateful we were, she told us, “ To be quite honest when I was informed of the tickets all I could think of was Samantha”. Right then and there I knew that, that was Gods subtle (not so subtle) way of letting me know that it was her faith that got us those tickets. In that perfect moment of clarity I realized that my faith muscles are in need of some serious exercise. 

Looking back at these last three months I realized that God has never let me down. He always comes through, like He did with the concert tickets, in His perfect timing. Our trials are those perfect training sessions for our Faith muscles.

James 1:2-4 says it perfectly, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."  We serve an amazing God who has never let us down and never will. He is our Provider, Friend, Redeemer, Savior, and the Lover of our soul. He died on a cross for each and every one of our sins,  He knows the depravity of our hearts, and loves us anyway. He turned water into wine, raised the dead back to life, and healed the sick. And yet we still doubt.

  Psalm 27 says it perfectly :

“The Lord is my light and my salvation;

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the strength of my life;

Of whom shall I be afraid?”

Next time the trial comes around, exercise those muscles. And remember who you have put your faith in, or God might just use your kid to remind you ;)

Samantha (left) and the Hillsong Young And Free Concert

 Happy Thanksgiving 

Birthday Surprise! It's Denise.

Happy Wednesday and Thanksgiving Eve! Today's post is from my cousin Denise. She is no newbie here, you can read her 2012 Birthday Surprise HERE. Praying that the promises of God that Denise shares, may be engraved in your heart and and ever present help in time of need. God bless YOU! 

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You are not alone 

Have you ever been in a crowd of people and felt completely isolated? It's that feeling where you are physically present but no one notices.  I have been hearing this topic from a several people lately. They tell me how they feel lonely, like they don't have any friends, like no one cares but they are constantly surrounded by people. My normal response is, "I know exactly how you feel." 

I spent most of my life feeling this way.  I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression as a teenager.  I became a Christian once I was in college and Jesus changed my life forever. Most of my fear went away but even as a Christian, there are still those moments where the devil tries to take hold.

I go into these random moments of depression where I feel lost, like I'm in a deep pit and I'm sinking and I can't ever get out again. I have traveled across the country, to the other side of the world even, but nothing is as sad, scary and dark as this place.  

As a Christian, I recognize that there is no reason to stay there. I have a mighty God who loves me unconditionally and will never leave me. Sometimes I wonder why God allows me to go back there again and now I know that it's because, when I get out of it, I love Him even more and cling to Him desperately. 

I was reading Isaiah 60:20 the other night and this verse really encouraged me.  "Your sun will never set; your moon will not go down. For the Lord will be your everlasting light. Your days of mourning will come to an end."

There are times when I feel like I don't even want to be on this earth. Before Christ, these thoughts were filled with despair, they were suicidal because I didn't understand what the point of my existence was. Now when I have these thoughts it's more of a longing and a hope that one day I will be in my real home with Jesus. 

"For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come." Hebrews 13:14 

So now as I wait for that glorious moment when Jesus rescues me from this cruel world, I have to make the best of it and live my life by honoring and worshiping him.  I don't feel so lost in the crowd anymore, because I know that my satisfaction does not come from humans, it comes from the Lord. 

Though I might still feel lonely at times deep down I know that I have someone who loves me unconditionally and is always by my side. 

"But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7 

"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you." Psalms 9:10

So if you are feeling lonely or like you don't belong, instead of turning to people to fill that void, turn to Jesus, the only one who can satisfy you.   

"Because I am righteous, I will see you. When I awake, I will see you face to face and be satisfied. Psalms 17:15 

Birthday Surprise! It's Priscilla

Happy Tuesday. Two years ago my friend Priscilla shared with us on taking leaps of faith, click HERE to read. Today she shares with us her greatest joy, being a mommy. A beautiful post this is and a lovely read for soon to be mommies! Without further ado, here is Priscilla. 

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Unconditional LoveThe word unconditional means not limited in any way: complete and absolute.

Jesus’ love for us is unconditional, He clearly portrayed that love to us on the cross. 

A mother’s love for her child is unconditional. It is complete and absolute just like the Father’s love towards us. A mother’s job is never ending, it goes on all day and all night. A mother has no vacations, no time off and no sick days. With each new day, a mothers love and responsibility will grow deeper and deeper. Motherhood is a blessing.
When I woke up on the morning of February 28th, I had no idea that my life would forever change. I was 38 weeks pregnant and I was going in for a routine checkup with my doctor before heading to work.

I wasn't ready for what my doctor was about to tell me. My blood pressure and weight had spiked up in the last week and I had developed something called preeclampsia. I knew I was swollen but I had no idea how serious it was. My doctor ordered me to go home, grab my bags and head to the hospital for an induction. I remember being so scared. I was crying and panicking because I wasn't ready, I still had 2 weeks left! I needed more time!

10 or so hours of labor later, at 11:52 that night, I was carrying my baby girl safely in my arms. My heart began to flood with feelings and emotions that I had never felt before. So much love, joy, peace and excitement. I have a daughter, I am a mother. I began sobbing. I knew that I had received the greatest blessing. I never wanted to let her go. I had so much respect and admiration for all moms, especially mine. I leaned over and gave her a tight hug and thanked her for bringing me into this world. I had so much love for my husband and so much more love for God. My heart was full! I felt that unconditional love.

The next few weeks were, by far, the most exciting and challenging. I was in a lot of pain, physically, but my spirit was so joyful and full of love for my little family. I was very sleep deprived but I didn’t seem to care. Things that were once important to me were no longer important. My daughter’s well being was at the top of my list.

On Thanksgiving day, my sweet little Abigail Ruth will be nine months old. These last few months have been the most rewarding and the most challenging months for me as a new mom. Moving to a new town when Abby was just a few months old, transitioning from being a working mom to being a stay at home mom, and being away from loved ones. To know that you are needed by someone 24 hours a day can be challenging, but I wouldn’t trade being a mom for the world. It is a huge blessing and a privilege that many cannot have.

My number one priority is to please God and to be a godly wife and mother. I want my daughter to live for Jesus.I pray that she accepts the Lord into her little heart and that she experiences His unconditional love and that she lives to please Him. I pray that she becomes a strong, God fearing woman. As crazy as it may sound to some, I pray for her husband. I pray that the Lord will send her a godly man who will love and respect her. Finally, I pray that the Lord will continue to give me and Pedro the wisdom and strength to raise our daughter in His ways so that she may honor Him in everything that she does.

Abigail Ruth is our gift from the Lord and I love her unconditionally. I love being her Mama and I’m so thankful that the Lord chose me and Pedro to be her parents. 

Priscilla and Abby

little Abigail Ruth "Abby"

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 3

Happy Friday Lovely! Today we read part three of Nicki's . And boy is it a treasure! As I read it last night, I was lost in a sea of tears. My heart and spirit connected with her words and I will never be the same. I am confident that her testimonies have, in a special way, reached your heart and drawn you closer to our precious Jesus. Thank You Mzungu for taking us with you through your journey!

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She quietly stood by my side as I was quieting a baby in the back of the church. She said no words. She had no glimpse of emotion on her face. She just stood. All she was in that moment was a fearless young girl standing next to this mzungu awaiting the chance for my hand to drop to my side so that she could grab it. Once that happens, she will be mine until she leaves this place because she doesn’t want to take the chance that another child will take the place on my lap; or, until mum calls her.

I used to think it was the great work to hold onto these kids with the desire to never let go. It was in those moments I could hold on tight while praying over them, their families, and their circumstances. I’d cherish these moments.

This moment was different though. Before I got the chance to begin to pray, before I was able to whisper something beautiful over her, Mama Scovia called little Jovan away. She looked my way with an innocent smile and waved to me. She was gone before I knew it, on her way over to Sunday school with her older sister. My moment was over. Jovan was with me for just a few minutes. We smiled together and ate a sweetie (candy) and cleaned each other’s hands with sanitizer. And just when our moment was over, as she ran over to her mum, I was reminded that the act of holding must be an act of release.

I think that’s the way of this world – the part I have trouble with. We cherish what we must somehow release.

I wanted to hold on to little Jovan forever. I want to hold on to God’s children and love His people to the best of my ability. After all, God has given me this desire, right?

I used to think it was the great work to do this, until I realized there’s a greater work—seeing it through God’s view. It’s one thing to be able to hold people secure in your arms, in your heart, and in your thoughts about them and never wanting to let that go. But the reality is that we must.

God loves us. He loves us to no end. He released His Son into a desperate world. I think about the cross, and how in that moment of Christ sacrificing Himself, He was releasing us from the embrace of the world into the embrace of God.

There’s a connection, I think, with an offering and the release.

What I mean is that if we hold these things, these moments, too tightly, we can’t make the gesture of offering. In doing this, we can’t do the greater work. The work of loving so deeply and securely that we actually release our hold on what it is that we love so much. By holding onto something too closely, we lose the opportunity to see it as a gift, which I believe actually hinders us from being able to offer praise back to the Giver.

If we hold onto something too closely, we miss the greater work of love.

“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” –Hebrews 13:15

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013 // There's little Jati!
read about Jati HERE 

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

FollowTheNicki.com 

and read Nicki's chronicles during her stay in Uganda

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 2

Happy Wednesday! Welcome back to the Birthday Series to read part 2 of Nicki's journey.  Get your passport ready, pack your bag, and bon voyage ... you're off to Gulu, Uganda!

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I've never told the bathtub story.

There was a tub. That’s all it was though—an empty beige bathtub with a handheld faucet. My first instinct was, “Damn, I’m going to make a disastrous mess every time I bathe.” I pictured a flood of murky water seeping down the hall into my room. (Which actually happened one morning, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!) Ministry in Uganda is a dirty business; dusty feet, orange-tainted clothes, wash my long hair two or three times just for it to feel clean and the water not be brown, kind of dirty.

Then, there was this one day. This overwhelming, slap-in-the-face, type of day. The kind of day where I prayed on the boda boda (motorcycle taxi) all the way home that I would have enough connection to call my mom and listen to her wisdom. With the time difference I had to wait for her to wake up, of course! It was one of those days where trusting in this great big God of mine, the Creator and Savior of the universe, was harder than getting on that same boda boda with a skirt (NOT easy, people).

It was on this day, in Gulu, Uganda. From one moment to the next, I found myself fully clothed and in fetal position, crying my eyes out for almost three hours… inside of this tub. For that brief time, my world sort of froze. I felt as though it hadn't completely shattered, but it was slightly tilted a little too far over for my comfort, and all I found myself doing was trying to find some sort of balance for my heart, to where it wouldn't topple over and break completely.

I had effectively lost my grip. Had I forgotten what to expect? Had I let my emotions run too deep? Maybe, just maybe I expected too much from someone who was unstable to begin with? How could anyone just leave them? Literally just abandon them in front of my face.

Obviously, God knew the answers to all of the million questions racing through my head.

Here’s the thing— I often wonder how my thoughts towards this world, our duties, this life— how it all would really be to me if I hadn't met Patience and Andrew. While in Uganda, I got a small glimpse into the life of being a mom. I experienced first-hand dealing with the struggles of my kids on a daily basis. I dealt with the personalities accompanied by the attitudes. I saw joy and innocence as well as the hurt and suffering that no child should ever have to experience. It was in the midst of caring for these two precious lives though, that God truly stretched me farther than I ever thought imaginable.

I dealt with their birth mother. She was younger than I with a total of six children. The twins were the youngest of them all at two years old. She was sick. They were starving, literally. And I was found in the mix because God purposefully had me there in Gulu Babies Home on this very same day. She left them there. In that moment, she chose addiction as she walked away from me with her skinny toddlers crying in my arms.

In this moment, curled up in that bathtub, for the first time ever, I actually doubted “purpose”. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you've never found yourself sitting alone in a tub, but has God ever thrown a curve-ball to you so fast that—forget not even seeing it come—you were just left questioning “is this even real?”

Wisdom from my mom helped only for the moment. The solace provided by roommates, the same.

“God, did I really just experience this? Were these kids that I just grew to love just left behind by their own mother?”

It was in that bathtub that I realized I was trying to remind God of the things He promised to us—telling Him that He was doing it all wrong. Funny right? I didn't think so.

Firmly holding onto God’s promises in the midst of hardship can be a powerful experience. Did I fully trust God at His Word? Definitely not in that moment. I will humbly admit that I had a moment of relapse, but God graciously allowed me to stumble over myself, feel the hurt and vulnerability that He knew I needed, and give me the strength to pick myself back up and make a difference.

He knew.

He allowed the circumstances around me to take place. He didn't feel bad for me, but instead He entrusted me with the blessing of being a part of the beautiful rescue mission that was about to take place in the lives of my twins. Clearly, in my own life as well.

Please be encouraged today in knowing that God’s promises are true. We are loved by a God who is forgiveness, mercy, grace, faithfulness, strength and love. It’s a reminder I need EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And with that truth stored away in my heart, the only purpose for a bathtub from now on is solely to relax! 

Patience, Nicki, and Andrew, first time ever walking in 2 years.
Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 1

Happy Monday and welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today we welcome back Nicki, or as I now call her Mzungu (white girl). Last year Nicki shared on the Birthday Series about her two week trip to Uganda ( read here part 1 and part 2). Since then, she returned to Uganda for a much longer visit and chronicled her thoughts at FollowtheNicki.com. If you're up for some serious life changing reads, go visit the links. Without further ado, scroll down for the first of three posts by our favorite Mzungu. 

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Hi everyone!

You know some things I love? Birthdays, for one, so happy 4^th birthday, blog!!  I also love getting to hang out and share some words here on Rak’s space. I love her loud, hilarious, creative and insightful heart, and it’s a joy to share here at her blog. Even better—she asked me to talk Uganda for a few posts! I’m excited by that and I pray you take away some encouragement from this week’s posts with whatever the Lord wants to share with you. So off we go…

  

May 1, 2013 I stepped on a plane bound for Entebbe, Uganda without a clue as to what God had in store for me. He knew.

Questions raged from others on whether this was where God was “really” calling me and for how long. Only He knew.

I had only previously spent two rapid weeks in Uganda less than 9 months before this time. I knew close to nothing about what culture would be like, how awkward the ever-changing weather would be, or how difficult it would be to survive on my own cooking for four months. He knew.

He knew the hardships, the bouts of loneliness, and the depths of intimacy and vulnerability that I would experience. He knew the place I had just walked through with wounds and bruises, and a slightly bleeding heart, and He knew where He needed to take me.

My God knows me. He also knows my absolute confidence when I say that my heart and my life have been utterly transformed because of this crazy leap I took to leave the familiar and cross into the unknown—alone. I am still in awe of the privilege I have been given to share life and ministry with the people of Uganda. The capacity in which I had ever previously served God was easily eclipsed by the glow of relationships birthed, the experience of working alongside churches, ministries and in homes, and the joy of seeing a lost and hurting heart being made alive in Christ.

There was a point where this role of Nicki ended and where the great and awesomeness of God began. This point was an acknowledgment that in order to truly be safe, protected, happy, secure and fully used, I needed to completely abandon myself before God, Creator and Savior. My everything was in Him. My everything is in Him. Uganda pushed me to see beyond myself, my flesh, and to witness the miraculous love of my God. His thoughts and His plans are way above mine; yours too. He knew what I needed and where I needed to go.

All along, He always knew…

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Ziemely

Happy Friday Friends! Today's post comes from my friend Zee. In short, she can be described as encouraging, a gentle and quiet spirit, and lovely. I'm bummed that I can't see her often, but between texts and prayers the Lord has united us in friendship. You will be greatly blessed through her post! 

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I want to start off by saying thank you to Raquel for allowing me to contribute to her blog. I was surprised when she asked last year and I think even more surprised this time around.

I’m from Miami but this past January I moved to Nashville. You are probably wondering why Nashville and to tell you the truth I wondered the same thing for a while. In April 2011, after a very tumultuous 2010, a year in which I lost three close loved ones and ending an unhealthy relationship I truly and whole heartedly gave my life to Christ.

Even though I was confiding and trusting in God I was still taken aback when He planted a seed for the city of Nashville. I was a baby in the faith and in all reality I still am, but I thought I was crazy! I had never been to Nashville nor did I know anyone here. But after trying to put the idea out of my mind for close to a year, I realized that if I didn’t at least start to research the city and the potential move I would be going against something that I felt God was calling me to do.

As soon as I started looking into it, I started to feel more and more at peace about the possibility of leaving my home for the unknown. I applied for 3 jobs and within a month of applying to the third job I was offered a job with my current company and I knew that I was on the path God wanted me to be on.

There are times that I am completely at a loss for words about all that has happened since giving my life to Christ. Has it been easy? NO! Have I had moments of second guessing? YES! Do I regret it? NO! And that is because I know that since that decision, God has been working in me. He is using my time here in Nashville to refine me. There are moments when it hurts and it gets lonely but I look around at all that He has blessed with me and I can’t help but be grateful for the people He has put in my life, His patience, His mercy, His love but most importantly His grace!

It has been almost  a year since accepting my job and making the decision to leave my family and friends in Miami and embark on an adventure in which I knew I was not 100% in control of and if I had to choose one word that encompassed my move it would have to be Grace! I am learning what that word truly means, I am learning to accept it but most importantly I am learning how to offer grace.

Do I have it all figured out? Not at all! Do I still make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY!! So far, my time here has been one of change. I have had my set-backs but it is in those moments in which I am learning the most. He uses those moments to show me that it’s not about me. It is about something greater than me!

May this verse hat has spoken to me more times than I can count, resonate with you. I pray that we continue to accept His grace and realize that we are weak but it is in that weakness where we are made STRONG!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

*Last year she was a guest blogger for the Birthday Surprise series, check her last post HERE. Have a beautiful day! 

Zee's home in Nashville 

Nashville

Nashville 

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 2

Happy Friday! Welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today Monica will be sharing with you part two of her journey in Montana and Guatemala. Be blessed!

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When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.- Genesis 22:9

   During my experience with Ignite, the Lord opened my eyes to how big the Church really is, all the people and the work that’s going on for His Kingdom and all that’s being accomplished as well as all the souls that still needed to be shown His love and compassion. I found myself falling in love with unfamiliar people and places and being very confused as to what to do with my new found desires.

   

At first I was kind of frustrated  “ God, I had my life planned out already I was going to go to school for this many years get my diploma in this, serve you in this way, get married eventually and who knows I might even thrown in a few kids somewhere down the line, why are you changing the plans on me know? why are all of these new desires suddenly popping up, they don’t even logically match up with anything that is naturally me!” ( which looking back now, isn’t that how God usually works? Gotta Love Him for it)

   But the new desires where there none the less, the Lord grew my perspective of who He was and just what He was capable of and just how sovereign He was in my life and in everyone’s life as well, God has a plan and nothing can really stand in the way of HIs will getting accomplished.

    Half way through my time on the field, while I was translating the story of Abraham and Isaac for the Kids program curriculum down in Antigua, the Lord had me experience my own Isaac sacrificing moment. Was I really willing to offer up my Isaac to the Lord, my life, the plans I had made, all of the promises I believed the Lord had given me or the desires that I believed where God given, was I willing to give that all up if He asked me to? Or did I value the gifts more than the Giver? 

The Lord brought me through a season of doubt, events where lining up in a way that made is seem like those newfound desires in my heart were never going to happen, and it looked as if I was going to be left hopeless and shattered, and that feeling of hopelessness and panic at the thought of not having what the Lord had ( I believed) promised me left me broken. 

    Broken not at the fact that I wasn’t going to receive my desires or that I had misheard God, but Broken at the fact that I had placed my eyes on the promises and not the Promiser. My hope was not on Him who redeemed and saved me ( not to mention Loved me unconditionally) it was on His promises. The Lord used that moment to instill in me the importance of placing my hope in Him, not on the things that He can give me.  Yes the Lord provides for us, but the motivation behind my relationship with God has to be Love and gratitude not what I can get out of it. 

    I ( in my own way) tied my promises to the altar and ran a knife through it. The most interesting thing about this passage to me is that God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, but stopped him before he could run the blade through. God is not a liar, and yeah we’ve all heard it before “God was just testing Abraham to see if he would do it”, but how did God know Abraham would really plunge the knife in? How did He know Abraham wouldn’t turn the knife at the very last second? For me the answer lies in the fact that the Lord looks at the heart, and the Lord knew Abraham would sacrifice Isaac physically because he had already done it in his heart. True sacrifice happens within the confines of the heart. 

       My challenge for the duration of my time in Guatemala as well as now that I am home is making sure that when I wake up each morning I put my eyes and hope in Christ, not on anything else, because when my joy is dependent on the God who never changes ( or fails) there’s no person or circumstance that can take it away.

Guatemala 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 1

Today's post comes from the lovely Monica. I've had the privilege of being Monica's youth leader and now friend. With great joy I asked her to share her heart and pour out what God has done in her life the past few months. I am confident that you will be blessed by her. Tune in Friday for part 2.

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Happy Birthday Blog!

I was so honored when Raquel asked me to post on the blog for its fourth birthday.

As some of you may know this past year the Lord had me go through a program called Ignite with Potter’s Field Ministries. It’s a program designed to have students give a year of their lives completely to the Lord. I spent three months in Montana, training to be sent out along with 2 other girls to the beautiful country of Guatemala.

   I spent 6 months in Guatemala, doing afterschool work with the kids in the local community, tutoring, bible lessons, skits, puppet shows, you name it! During the last three months the training portion of the Ignite school was moved down to Guatemala and my team and I were able to come alongside the then training interns ( who are now on the field) and help encourage them during their time there.

   The Lord has used the past 10  months of my life to reveal Himself to me in such a powerful way. For so long I bought into the lie that I was unlovable, that there was something defective in me that unqualified me to be loved, even by God. While I learned multiple lessons this year, none has gone deeper that the realization I had during my 3^rd month on the field.

    God loves me. As silly and basic as that might sound , after all it’s a phrase that any three year old in Sunday school can utter, it was a truth that had not sunk in very deep in my life. For so many years I thought God loved me, but it was only because I could fit under the classification of “human” which automatically made me eligible to receive His Love, but He would never really hand pick me to love, there are so many better people out there to pour out love and favor on, so many that are worth loving He definitely wouldn’t chose me if He had the choice. 

   This sadly is the lie that I had allowed to embed itself in the depths of my heart, and it was so successfully embedded that I believed it to be true, and was completely blind to the fact that I believed it about myself and my relationship with the Lord.

   During my time on the field, I literally had nothing else to cling to but Him, no familiar background, no home church, no people that I had known forever, my robotic and semi-automatic “christianese” responses wouldn’t cut in on the field. I was forced to get raw and get real with God and allow Him to strip away all the routines that I had allowed myself to hide behind, and come face to face with the ugly truth ( that was really a lie) that had been shaping my view of God and His Love for me all this time.

    I learned what it is to be Loved by the Lord, but better yet what it is to accept His love. What it is to bask in the Steadfast Love that the Lord has for me, and in that I found a confidence in being His Daughter that I was convinced I’d never be able to have.

   I’m still learning just what it is to walk in the freedom His Love brings, His individual love for the person, not for humanity in general but I’m taking it one step at a time.

   Being back home now after such a tremendous experience is a bit disorientating, but I have the Love of my Heavenly Father to ground me. I am beyond thankful for the journey He’s guided me through and the one that’s yet to come.

   Thank you to all who have been praying for me during my trip, your prayers where definitely heard and felt. May you too bask in the Steadfast Love of the Father. 

Monica in Montana with the Ignite program

Monica's view in Montana (jealous)

Monica in Guatemala

Happy 4th Birthday

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Hello Lovelies! Let's celebrate and jump for joy... Living As A Lily has turned the big 4! That's right, it's birthday birthmonth. Since the blogs first birthday, I take off the month of November and and invite guest writers as "Birthday Surprise" posts. I pray that each Birthday Surprise is a blessing to read and a word fitly spoke. Thank You for reading and making this blog yours as well. 

Birthday Surprise. It's Melissa!

Hello there Friend! With great joy I re-introduce to you Melissa. God has given me the wonderful privilege of serving alongside Meli at youth group. She is fun, full of life and absolutely lovely. Her wisdom though, sets her apart as a pillar of faith for all who know her. May you be blessed mightily through her words. 

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Atelophobia and Failed Expectations 

We all have this idea of how our lives should pan out if everything goes according to the plan. Whether it’s marrying the man of our dreams, or getting that dream job, or traveling the world. Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes it is a tree of life”. So often we find that instead of the happily ever after we always dreamt of, life hands us a not-so-perfect husband, a mundane job, and maybe a trip to Disney (Don’t get me wrong, I love Disney, but it’s no Italy). So often we are disillusioned when reality doesn’t line up with our expectations. So what’s with our expectations anyway?

A few days ago, my mother called me over and said to me, “Hey, Meli, I learned a new word today! Atelophobia, it means the fear of imperfection. There, I’ve diagnosed you!” All my life I’ve struggled with this mental plague many like to call “perfectionism”. Okay, before you start rolling your eyes and thinking, “Oh great! One of those women”, bear with me. I have no intention of whining about how hard being perfect is. Trust me, I wouldn’t know! If you’ve begun to mentally check out because you feel like you can’t really relate, stay with me because I’m going to focus on a particular aspect of my struggle that I think every woman can identify with.

I’ve been analyzing my mental processes lately in an attempt to understand why I drive myself crazy trying to get everything just the way I think it ought to be. And here’s what I’ve concluded, my condition is quite simple really, it boils down to the fear of not living up to the expectations – the expectations of others, those I place on myself, and those the Bible makes clear for a woman of God. Not all expectations are bad because by all means, we are to do everything as unto the Lord (Colossians 3:23). But to be honest with you, there are times I read Proverbs 31 and think to myself, “That sounds exhausting! I’m just trying to make it through college.” I’m sure the circumstances are different for everyone, but I hope you understand where I’m coming from. Because of all that’s expected of us, we are forced to juggle our responsibilities while trying to be everything to everyone. Ironically, as a result of being spread so thin, sometimes I feel more like I’m hardly being anything to anyone. When the desire to please others or ourselves takes precedence over our desire to please God, we have lost sight of our purpose and we will eventually burn out.

Jeremiah 2:13 says, “For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, And hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water.” These cisterns are things we place our trust in to satisfy our needs; things we put our hope in to meet our expectations.

Tragically, what usually ends up happening when those needs are not met, we begin to resent those who we feel let us down. We sort of play the blame game and in our minds we’re telling ourselves things like, “if this thing had never happened” or “if he were just more ______” or “if I had just been better” or “if God had only done something about it” then maybe I would be happy and I could be a better wife/servant/friend/mother.

Within the last few years, God has been revealing bitterness and resentment that I’ve allowed to creep in to my heart. I have resented myself for failures and shortcomings. I’ve also known what it is to resent others for not being what I wanted them to be, and in a way I resented God for not making everything right. Remember that part of the proverb that talks about the heart being made sick? Well, yeah, it got ugly. At certain times in my life, I had allowed it to affect me so much that I became very critical and cynical. Before I knew it, I could hardly recognize myself. I felt like a Pharisee – a white washed tomb. In my attempt to get everything just right, I had become self-righteous and cold-hearted.

God allowed me to have that experience so I would know how awful it is to be so far from him and so that I could understand where leaning on anything other than him will lead. I still struggle with perfectionism and self-resentment but God always reminds me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 

My prayer for you is that you trust God regardless of your circumstances and that you would always remember His faithfulness. I copied one of my favorite prayers (Not that I believe in reciting prayers, but I love how this was worded):

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.
-Reinhold Niebuhr

You can read Melissa's Birthday Surprise post from last year HERE. You won't be disappointed! 

Birthday Surprise. It's Ziemely!

Happy Monday! Today's birthday surprise comes from Ziemely, or as we call her, Zee. I met her this year in our ladies small group bible study yet I feel like I've known her for a lifetime. Though young in the faith, her faith, love, and zeal for the Lord are as contagious as wild fire spreading. Her post is one that we all can identify with and be encouraged by. God bless YOU. 
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I am going to be honest and just say it; I use to like being in control. Let me rephrase that, I use to like thinking I was in control. I say “thinking I was in control” because in reality I have never been in control. Even in those moments in which I thought I was, God was always the one managing the situation.

There are many verses that come to mind when I think of control and letting go of the idea of having it. These are verses that God has used to speak to me in times when I was trying to control situations and/or outcomes in my life. 

You can make plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail. – Proverbs 19:21

A perfect example of this can be found in Genesis when Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers. Although he experienced difficult times along the way, God was always with him. God turned what an outsider would have thought was going to be an awful life into a life in which Joseph was able to show others what trusting in the Lord looks like.

But Jesus looked at them and said to them, 

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. – Matthew 19:26 

There is NOTHING that is impossible with God. I would venture to say for the majority of us, the reason we like “being in control” is a sense of security we get when we think we know how things will turn out in our lives and what will happen next. There are so many opportunities I have had in my life that if it weren’t for God being in control of my life they never would have happened. I never thought I would have passed that class, gotten that job, paid that bill, or traveled there.  I will be forever grateful for all the times I have been wrong; that it was not me that was truly in control. I would miss out on so many things, if only what I thought possible or was capable of doing on my own would happen.

 “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. 

Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” – Mark 14:36

If even Jesus – God incarnate prayed, we should be praying all the more. Not only did Jesus pray to God, He prayed that God’s will be done. At times, I find myself praying for what I believe is best for me. If we think we know what is best for ourselves, just imagine everything the Lord knows IS best for us. In reality, the best thing for us is for God’s will to be done in our lives. He knows the beginning, the end and the beauty that is the in-between. He wants to give and teach us so much, and the only way that can happen is for us to surrender all.

I pray that we can all remember to let go of that need to be in control and allow God to truly work in our lives. That we not turn to God as our last resort, but as our only resort.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, 

thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11