Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 2

Happy Wednesday! Welcome back to the Birthday Series to read part 2 of Nicki's journey.  Get your passport ready, pack your bag, and bon voyage ... you're off to Gulu, Uganda!

photo credit 

I've never told the bathtub story.

There was a tub. That’s all it was though—an empty beige bathtub with a handheld faucet. My first instinct was, “Damn, I’m going to make a disastrous mess every time I bathe.” I pictured a flood of murky water seeping down the hall into my room. (Which actually happened one morning, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!) Ministry in Uganda is a dirty business; dusty feet, orange-tainted clothes, wash my long hair two or three times just for it to feel clean and the water not be brown, kind of dirty.

Then, there was this one day. This overwhelming, slap-in-the-face, type of day. The kind of day where I prayed on the boda boda (motorcycle taxi) all the way home that I would have enough connection to call my mom and listen to her wisdom. With the time difference I had to wait for her to wake up, of course! It was one of those days where trusting in this great big God of mine, the Creator and Savior of the universe, was harder than getting on that same boda boda with a skirt (NOT easy, people).

It was on this day, in Gulu, Uganda. From one moment to the next, I found myself fully clothed and in fetal position, crying my eyes out for almost three hours… inside of this tub. For that brief time, my world sort of froze. I felt as though it hadn't completely shattered, but it was slightly tilted a little too far over for my comfort, and all I found myself doing was trying to find some sort of balance for my heart, to where it wouldn't topple over and break completely.

I had effectively lost my grip. Had I forgotten what to expect? Had I let my emotions run too deep? Maybe, just maybe I expected too much from someone who was unstable to begin with? How could anyone just leave them? Literally just abandon them in front of my face.

Obviously, God knew the answers to all of the million questions racing through my head.

Here’s the thing— I often wonder how my thoughts towards this world, our duties, this life— how it all would really be to me if I hadn't met Patience and Andrew. While in Uganda, I got a small glimpse into the life of being a mom. I experienced first-hand dealing with the struggles of my kids on a daily basis. I dealt with the personalities accompanied by the attitudes. I saw joy and innocence as well as the hurt and suffering that no child should ever have to experience. It was in the midst of caring for these two precious lives though, that God truly stretched me farther than I ever thought imaginable.

I dealt with their birth mother. She was younger than I with a total of six children. The twins were the youngest of them all at two years old. She was sick. They were starving, literally. And I was found in the mix because God purposefully had me there in Gulu Babies Home on this very same day. She left them there. In that moment, she chose addiction as she walked away from me with her skinny toddlers crying in my arms.

In this moment, curled up in that bathtub, for the first time ever, I actually doubted “purpose”. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you've never found yourself sitting alone in a tub, but has God ever thrown a curve-ball to you so fast that—forget not even seeing it come—you were just left questioning “is this even real?”

Wisdom from my mom helped only for the moment. The solace provided by roommates, the same.

“God, did I really just experience this? Were these kids that I just grew to love just left behind by their own mother?”

It was in that bathtub that I realized I was trying to remind God of the things He promised to us—telling Him that He was doing it all wrong. Funny right? I didn't think so.

Firmly holding onto God’s promises in the midst of hardship can be a powerful experience. Did I fully trust God at His Word? Definitely not in that moment. I will humbly admit that I had a moment of relapse, but God graciously allowed me to stumble over myself, feel the hurt and vulnerability that He knew I needed, and give me the strength to pick myself back up and make a difference.

He knew.

He allowed the circumstances around me to take place. He didn't feel bad for me, but instead He entrusted me with the blessing of being a part of the beautiful rescue mission that was about to take place in the lives of my twins. Clearly, in my own life as well.

Please be encouraged today in knowing that God’s promises are true. We are loved by a God who is forgiveness, mercy, grace, faithfulness, strength and love. It’s a reminder I need EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And with that truth stored away in my heart, the only purpose for a bathtub from now on is solely to relax! 

Patience, Nicki, and Andrew, first time ever walking in 2 years.
Uganda 2013

when you're troubled...

Imagine with me the disciples troubled in a room. Their leader was constrained by a tomb, lifeless and powerless. They must have be frightened, discouraged, and ashamed. And then, Jesus appeared.

Overwhelmed
Discouraged
Defeated
Ashamed
Afraid
Empty
Lost

Whatever it may be that is bringing you down, think of this scene.
And then, Jesus appeared.

In your troubles Jesus can and will appear.
He will comfort,
He will refresh,
He will renew,
By the power of the Holy Spirit when you cry out for Him.

"In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land." Jeremiah 29:12-14

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33

known by name

As I emailed the ladies from my Bible study, I included a few words of encouragement. This too may be for you as much as it was for me this morning. So grab a cup of coffee, or tea, or hot chocolate and read on. 

[photo credit]

In the Bible there are many women who are mentioned but have no names. They are either identified by their location, their status and/or their condition. For example: A SAMARITAN woman, The WIDOW of Zeraphath, The woman with the ISSUE OF BLOOD. There are many more nameless and faceless women in the Bible.

You fill in the blank about yourself: 

The woman with the issue of __________. 

The wife of __________.

The Woman from __________. (this label could be your workplace)

I know that there are times when we feel like a nameless women. We even label others by what we see of them or their circumstance. If we focus on the label, we will miss out on a greater truth. These nameless women were not nameless to God. He knew each one by name and was intimately acquainted with their need. Though they had no names, God counted them worthy of mentioning them in His Word, using them for His purpose. He knew the name of the Samaritan woman, and though to the world she had a need for physical love, God saw her real need and He met her there. An outcast among her own people, she then became a bold witness for Christ. He knew the name of the Widow of Zeraphath. To the word she was just a poor widow with nothing to offer. But to God, she was a rich widow for her faith and obedience would prove that with God all things are possible. The woman with the issue of blood was also known by God, He knew her name. To the watching world her need was for healing but God knew that her real need was salvation. God knows you by name. 

He knows your need, your real need. He knows what you cry about. He knows what you worry about. He knows it all. Knowing everything about you He yearns to  speak comfort to you through His word. He longs for your presence in prayer. And He anxiously yet patiently waits for you to stop and worship Him. Through these three you will find hope, security, and deliverance. You are not nameless to God. Be blessed, you are known by name and your identity is found in Him. 

turbulence

[photo  credit]

Whatever turbulence you are experiencing now, is no match to the mighty power of God in your life. Trust Him through this season. My prayer and hope is that you would find refuge and courage through abiding in God's Word. Here for you, a few verses to comfort, encourage and lift your head up. 
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These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33
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No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
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Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. 1 Peter 4:12-14
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Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
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"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me. "Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. Matthew 5:10-12
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I would have lost heart, unless I had believed 
That I would see the goodness of the Lord 
In the land of the living. 
Wait on the Lord; 
Be of good courage, 
And He shall strengthen your heart; 
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Psalm 27:13-14

the comforter and the jarrah tree

The Comforter
by Pastor Jack Hayford

And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever—
John 14:16

In Australia, there’s a tree called the Jarrah—also known as “ironwood.” This tree is so heavy and dense and hard that termites hate it. That’s why this ironwood is used widely in construction. But let me tell you, it takes real strength, skill, and determination to build with ironwood.
Aspects of your life may cause you to wonder: Is this a “jarrah” situation—one so hard I don’t think I’ll ever be able to “cut it”?

Well, rest in comfort—rather, in the Comforter. The Holy Spirit can handle it! He is deeply personal, all-powerful, and ever present. And He wants to make Himself known in the details of your life and your relationships.

Rebuilding the Real You

[photo credit]

Lyrical Friday - This Is Our God

Happy Friday to You! 

This is our God by Chris Tomlin is one of those songs... You know what I mean, you hear the first few lines and your heart is overcome with a million emotions. I remember the first time I heard these lyrics, it was as if a vicious wave had picked me right off my feet and tossed me around. It became an anthem of all God had done in my life yet at the same time it hung as a banner for all that He has promised to complete. More than a song, it was a prayer for those who have yet to know the depths of His power and love. By the time the worship band had finished, I was found on the "shore line" almost breathless at the wonders of my God. It is my prayer, as it was that very night, that you would know the depths of His power and love. This is our God.

{photo credit}

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This is Our God, Chris Tomlin 


The refuge for the poor
A shelter from the storm
This is our God

He will wipe away your tears 
And return your wasted years
This is our God

So call upon His Name
He is mighty to save
This is our God

A father to the orphan 
A healer to the broken
This is our God

And He brings peace to our madness 
And comfort in our sadness
This is our God
This is our God

So call upon His name
He is mighty to save
This Is Our God

This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
This is/You are the one we have waited for
Jesus, Lord and Savior
This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty
A lover for the lonely
This is our God

He brings glory to the humble 
And crowns for the faithful
This is our God

birthday surprise! It's Yesenia.

Happy Tuesday! 

I am so excited to introduce to you Yesenia. It's wonderful how you can know someone for a few months yet feel as if you have known them a lifetime... that is my relationship with her, kindred spirits. The Lord has built a beautiful friendship/sisterhood between us. I pray that you may be blessed abundantly with her post today. 

First  class forever

Whenever waiting in line we know how impatient we can become and start staring around in search for something that might entertain us. Never once did I think I would find myself being amused by a stamp while waiting at the post office. There wasn’t any special or cool design to this stamp that would make it stand out, in all actuality it was quite plain and dull.  But what caught my eye is that on the side of this stamp the word first class forever was written. My first thought when reading that was, “ I've never even flown first class.” 

As I continued to ponder on this little stamp, the sudden realization hit me that I've been missing the opportunity to fly first class, but not on a plane. You see, when you get on a plane the sole purpose is to get to a destination. Sometimes, the ride will consist of some turbulence along the way, leaving you a bit shaken and even afraid to ride a plane again. Though some of us have landing places we would like to travel to, the truth is, we all have a final destination. Reading that stamp made me realize that I have been given the opportunities to ride “first class” and I have missed out because I sold myself short and settled. In my relationship with God I have been guilty of settling for “economy seats,” if it meant that I’d still get to the grand destination called Heaven. 

Our God wants was it best for us; He doesn't want us to just get by. Life in itself isn't easy, because even those who ride “first class” will feel the turbulence. I rather get to my destination riding “first class “and living out Gods purpose then ever settling for “economy” in order to avoid discomfort. God will call us to do radical things that we can’t understand and He will take us out of our comfort zone, because His plans are bigger than ours. So next time God calls you to do something, step out on faith and let Him take control of the plane, and remember that God has given you “first class” and it may come with turbulence, but don't fear because you have the best captain ever.

 (Even the guy who landed the plane on the Hudson River ain"t got nothing on my God  )

Addiction

Good Saturday to you!
I was so blessed and encouraged to read Francine Rivers' blog post this morning and without hesitation I am sharing it with you. May the Lord speak both wisdom and comfort to you. May He bless you abundantly.

Addiction
By Francine Rivers
Www.francinerivera.com

Upon our return from the Panama Cruise, Rick and I learned someone we love dearly had disappeared. We knew what that meant and our hearts sank. Some knew where he was out there in the night going through his own private hell. All we could do was wait and pray and hope the turn-around would come quickly and he wouldn’t die this time.

I’ve been told by recovering alcoholics that it’s the first drink that kills you. An alcoholic doesn’t start back at the beginning. An alcoholic starts where he/she left off and accelerates. Think of being on a slide. If you stop partway down and stop yourself, you’re still there. Lift your hands and down you go. Without the strength of God working in a person, giving up the things that kill us is impossible. To sum up the 12 step program: I can’t, God can, I think I’ll let Him.

Years back, I’m embarrassed to admit I didn’t pay close attention to the dirty, disheveled man holding a sign at the entrance to the freeway. Now, I look for them. I make eye contact. Sometimes I have enough time (before the car behind me is honking) to hand them a bottle of water or a Christmas box.

Why do I see them now? I’ve experienced the anguish of wondering where my loved one is and whether I’ll ever see that person again this side of heaven. I’ve heard the stories of what people go through out there, drunk and alone, looking at a dumpster as a possible warm, dry place to sleep for the night.

Jesus said the poor are always among us. And so they are. Poor in ways beyond not having money.

I try not to worry, but some in my family say I have a worry gene and so it is a miserable default pattern in my life to fall back into it. I have a good imagination. That’s a blessing when I’m writing a story. It’s a curse when I’m imagining all the things that could be happening to someone I love who is out there on the mean streets, homeless, hurting and too ashamed to call for help. Every time the phone rang, my heart jumped. Night time calls always seem to bring bad news.

We are at war. In Iraq and Afghanistan. We’re also in a war here at home, and this war has countless fronts.

What do I do? I pray through my long list of friends who are going through the same thing I am right now. I pray for the many I know who are struggling with addictions; drugs, alcohol, computer games, pornography, food, work. Our nation breeds addiction. Sometimes I lay awake and go through the lines of David’s Psalm 23 or make an alphabetical list of the attributes of God.

And that’s what brings peace in the midst of the storm. Knowing God, remembering how deep and wide and high His love is for each of His children. Knowing Jesus lived out 33 years as a man who faced and overcame every temptation and now stands as our advocate before His Almighty Father who longs for us to return to Him.

Wherever my loved one is, God is there, too, waiting for surrender, ready to lift and restore. God loves my loved one far more than I do. God has a plan in all this and it isn’t to tear us to pieces, but to build us up, to give us a future and a hope.

I may not like the pain that comes with waiting, but it’s in the waiting that my faith grows.

sentence tuesday

It is true that God provides people in our lives 

to help us through tough times, 

but He cannot be substituted. -Maky Fernandez 

 

Lyrical Friday - Lover of Ashes

Behold, I will allure her, will bring her into t
he the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the valley of trouble into a gateway of hope. She shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. Hosea 2:14-15 
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Do not look upon me because I am dark— the sun has darkened my skin. My brother’s were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept. Song of Solomon 1:6 
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You are altogether beautiful, my love, and there is no spot in you. Song of Solomon 4:7 
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Yet now He has reconciled you to Himself through Christ. As a result, He has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault. Colossians 1:22 
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There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

God has called you His own, His prized possession, the apple of His eye, His beloved. He loves you, all of You! And though you may think you are not worth it, God says you are. Though you may see yourself as junk, a pile of useless ashes, God sees you in His glorious splendor. He is a lover of ashes and can make all things new! Ask God to help you see yourself not through the lenses of this world, but through the lenses of Heaven.

Lover of Ashes, JJ Heller


Simple voice talk to me in simple words
Gentle wind come sing to me the songs that I know
Come to me and hold my heart inside of me
Come and see
Come and see in me

Oh lover of ashes
Be patient with me
My filthy complexion is all that I see
But up from these ashes a beauty will rise
The pride of her father
Though humble in size

Perfect love
Fill my soul with melody
Perfect words of perfect peace
I will breathe, I will sing
I will breathe, I will sing

you will sing

In that day you will sing:
“I will praise you, O Lord!
You were angry with me, but not any more.
Now you comfort me.
See, God has come to save me.
I will trust in Him and not be afraid.
The Lord God is my strength and my song;
He has given me victory.”

With joy you will drink deeply from the fountain of salvation!

In that wonderful day you will sing:
“Thank the Lord! Praise His name!
Tell the nations what He has done.
Let them know how mighty He is!
Sing to the Lord, for He has done wonderful things.
Make known His praise around the world.
Let all the people shout his praise with joy!
For great is the Holy One of Israel who lives among you.”

Isaiah 12

a chair experience with Ruth

Years back a wonderful friend shared with me something very personal... of course I'm going to share it with you! It's too good to keep to myself. My beloved friend had a submission problem. As hard as she tried to submit to her husband and respect him, she just couldn't. She would throw tantrums, argue, talk back, do the opposite of what he desired and well... you know how that goes. Both were strong willed and bumped heads all day long. But something began to change with the help of a chair. Yes, a chair.

You see, my Friend took for herself a child size chair that belonged to one of her children and kept it in her small closet. Every time she disagreed with her husband on any matter or was in a heated argument she would go to her closet, sit on the small chair and talk to God. It was in those chair moments that she would vent, she would pray, she would cry. Most important, it was in those chair moments that God revealed to her the condition of her heart, he would speak correction, redirection, comfort and hope to her. Her marriage began to be transformed by these chair experiences with God. Ever since she shared this with me, I go to God for chair moments. Not in the darkness of a closet but wherever, whenever.

Today I want to share a chair experience with you and with Ruth. I pray that the Lord would reveal the condition of our heart. May He speak correction, redirection, comfort and hope.

Ruth 1:16-17 “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!”

Let's break this down (click one verses):
"Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go"
Are you willing to cling to Jesus and follow Him wherever He may go? Are you willing to leave family, friends, career, possessions, pleasures to follow Jesus? [Luke9:23]

"wherever you live, I will live"
Have you chosen to make your home the center of God's will for your life, or is your home the center of your will for your life? Are you content where God has you? [Matthew 6:33]

"Your people will be my people"
Are God's people your people? Do you love all of God's people, or only the ones you choose to love? [John13:35 Romans 12:9-21]

"your God will be my God"
Is God, Lord over all and every area of your life? Or are your own god? Are your possessions/career/education your gods? Has someone taken the place of God in your life? Are you willing to give up these gods? [Hosea 2:14-23 Matthew 6:19-21]

"Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried"
Are you willing to die to yourself as Christ died to himself for you? [Galatians 2:20]

"May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!”
Are you fully committed to God? Have you ever made a lasting commitment to God? [Psalm 56:12-13]

Thus, many have a value and affection for Christ, yet come short of salvation by him, because they will not forsake other things for him. They love him, yet leave him, because they do not love him enough, but love other things better. -Matthew Henry

Let us not love anything more than we love Jesus. Just as Ruth clung to Naomi and vowed, may we cling to our Lord and say: I will not leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and You will be my God. As you have died, I will die, and there I will be buried. As You have risen, so will I rise with you. May You punish me severely if I allow anything to separate us!

Dear Mom,

hi friends.
I wanted to share with you a letter that my cousin Cindy wrote to her Mom. April marks a year since my Aunt experienced complete healing from Cancer, this healing resulted in her passing. Thank you to those who have prayed for my cousins (her children) and the entire family.

plant. water. grow.

Hi Friends.
I am very excited to share with you what the Lord has been laying upon my heart these last two weeks. It has been hard to blog, every single day I have wanted to write, yet could not find the right words to share with you what God has to say to you, to me. But here we are and I am confident that it is the Spirit of God speaking.

Now may He who supplies seed to the sower, and bread for food, supply and multiply the seed you have sown and increase the fruits of your righteousness. -2 Corinthians 9:10

This verse is of great comfort. The Lord has not only given us eternal salvation, a Helper (His Holy Spirit) but He has supplied us with seeds. Trust me, I do not have a green thumb nor do I know anything about agriculture but I do know one thing related to seeds: The Lord has planted a vineyard in my life. 

He has sown seeds of forgiveness, mercy, grace, truth, love, laughter and so on. What has the Lord done in your life? Those are seeds planted in you. He has sown recovery from an eating disorder, He has sown healing (countless of times), He has sown restoration, He has sown contentment, He has sown the amazing fruits of the Spirit in me. I can go on. But unless I water them with the Word of God there will be no increase, no growth. I must water, water, water. As I mentioned before, I know nothing about agriculture so I will consult someone who does know... the Helper! He will surely help me.


Read: 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
The challenge the Lord has given me, and now I pass on to you: PLANT. WATER. GROW. The challenge is however, to plant in other's lives. Has the Lord planted a seed in your heart? Go therefore and plant that in someone else's life, that is what discipleship is all about (Matthew 28:19).  [For example, it took two years for the Lord to heal my broken heart. He planted a seed of restoration and I watered it with the Word of God. Now, the Helper is leading me to dry vineyards aka ladies around me who are going through similar hearaches and I am able to plant the seed I received and repeat the cycle: plant, water and God will make it grow as I pray.]

I encourage you to take this challenge. I'll post "vineyard moments" as they happen, so share yours with me. Ask the Lord of the Harverst to lead you to dry vineyards. Once He reveals or possibly lead you to that person begin the cultivating process: plant, water, grow. As the Lord does the growing you pray without ceasing for that person. Women minister to the women and men minister to men. I bet if we all allow the Lord to discipline us in this area, we will have many Isaiah 17:8 people. 

May we never forget that it is by someone else's wounds that we have been healed. May our wounds, our past trials or even currents ones be used to help someone else. May our seasons of being filled be used to fill others. God bless YOU!


The generous soul will be made rich, And he who waters WILL ALSO be watered himself.
-Proverbs 11:25

 Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will declare WHAT HE HAS DONE for my soul.
-Psalm 66:16

 KNOWING that your FAITH is alive keeps us alive.
-1 Thessalonians 3:8 (The Message)

 Imitate ME, just as I also imitate Christ.
-1 Corinthians 11:1

 And by his wounds we are HEALED.
-Isaiah 53:5

Sow for yourselves RIGHTEOUSNESS;

Reap in mercy;

Break up the FALLOW GROUND of your HEART,

For it is time to seek the LORD,

Till He comes and rains righteousness on you.

-Hosea 10:12



partakers of the consolation

Hi Friends.

Trials, tribulations and heartaches can be oppressive, burdensome, exhausting and more often than not you feel alone in the battle. In the Bible we find truth and promises that will uphold us and strengthen us through those dark valleys. And though the valley can be sinister, frightening, threatening and unbearable it can also produce in us perseverance, character and hope. Looking back, God has worked out the good, the bad and the ugly in my own life for my good. Though some trials seemed to be the end of me, they were not and at the end I was victorious in Christ and made whole by Him.

I find it comical how past experiences that impaired us spiritually, emotionally and/or physically can be used greatly in the future to save someone. Yesterday I met up with a friend who wanted to talk and vent. She found herself in a valley; a well-known valley that I was familiar with. It was heart breaking to hear her speak because I know how tough walking through that valley is. But God, who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, carried me through it. And in sharing my story with her I was able to paint a picture of God’s faithfulness to her. It was also a WARNING sign for her of what not do, so that she would not go in the course of the same heartache that I went through because of my mistakes, disobedience and rebellion. Looking back to that season of my life, that I so often wish to erase, and looking forward today to the other girls that are walking through that common valley, I can say that it was worth it if it can comfort, guide or save one person from the misery that it caused me.

If you find yourself in a dark valley today, know that God is for you not against you. One day you too will look back at this very trial and will be able to comfort someone with the same comfort that God has comforted you with. Your trial can serve a great purpose if you allow patience to have its perfect work in you. Will it be easy, not gonna lie it can be rough but His grace is sufficient for you, for his strength is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). Be still and allow God to be the Almighty, all powerful, all sufficient and loving God that He is.

 

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23

A friend loves at all times and a [sister] is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. Proverbs 27:27

Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective with enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation. 2 Corinthians 1:6-7

One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. Psalm 145:4

As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Proverbs 26:11

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

my heart cries out

"My heart cries out over Moab..." Isaiah 15:5

Hi my Friend.

As I have shared with you a few post back, I am reading the book of Isaiah. Yesterday as I read this verse, I paused and meditated on them. “My heart cries out for Moab…” The intensity of these words provoked me to search my own heart and question myself. Do I cry out for those whom I despise? When someone I am not particularly fond of is hurting, do I cry out for them? Or even with them? Am I allowing compassion, long suffering and kindness to have its way in me and through me?

In our lives there will be people who will curse the name of the Lord; will you cry out for them? There may be people in your life today who you disagree with their lifestyle; will you cry out for them? Jesus himself said that we will be hated and persecuted; will you cry out for those who hate and persecute you? You may have been hurt in the past (that person will be judged before the throne of God for that) and wounded deeply; will you cry out to God for that person?

This morning I read Romans 12:14-15:
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

I love this scripture, especially the part that encourages us to mourn with those who mourn. This weekend God vividly painted a beautiful picture of this verse. Saturday was a day of chaos for my family. As I was at church one of my friends called out my name. I turned around and as a soon as I saw her I began to sob uncontrollably. As I walked towards her, it was as if I was walking into the arms of Jesus. [Here comes the beautiful picture] She held me as I cried and I she was crying with me. I could not understand why she was crying. It wasn’t her family that was going through a storm of trials. This verse came to mind, “mourn with those who mourn.” Jesus may I be a woman who mourns with those who mourn.

“My heart cries out for Moab…”
Is there someone around you that is going through a trial, a loss, a time of confusion or is simply being broken before the Lord… cry with them, pray with them and may the God of comfort speak words of life through you.

I pray that we would be a people who are compassionate, abounding in love and crying out for everyone- enemies included.

the bird sings...

Oh, remember that my life is a breath! My eye will never again see good. The eye of him who sees me will see me no more; while your eyes are upon me, I shall no longer be. As the cloud disappears and vanishes away, so he who goes down to the grave does not come up. He shall never return to his house, nor shall his place know him anymore. “ Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. Job 7:7-11
 
 
Hi my Friends.
As I shared with you on Day 4 of my Testimony, the death of my Grandfather left me feeling like a caged bird. Once I posted The Heartbroken Lily, and I read it, I couldn’t help but cry. Not just because of the painful memories, but also for the reason that I now stood on the outside looking in at the repulsiveness of my guilt. About two years ago I had shared with one of my Aunts about this guilt. And even though she did comfort me, I still felt like Job in chapter 7*. The Lord has begun to heal wounds that I myself wasn’t aware of.

Friday night, a faithful friend, led by God, approached me and confronted me. Proverbs 27:6 reminds us that faithful are the wounds of a friend. A few verses down we read that the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel (verse 9). She helped me realize that I was limiting God’s sovereign power. I chose to believe that Abuelito's death was my fault and never did I chose to belive that it was God's timing. She helped me see that freedom, complete freedom is only found trusting God's timing and guilt has no place in absolute freedom. She ever so caring and heroically tapped into an area of my life that I had restricted to everyone, including God.

I think, no, I know that God is bandaging my wounds and mending the shattered pieces of my heart. Through my faithful friend, fearless warrior and loving ally, God removed the scab and exposed my wound. He is now healing it with forgiveness, mercy, grace and freedom. At the present, I feel like a bird, no longer caged, that can sing, believing that I will be set free. It is a process, one where I am learning to surrender my guilt and accept the perfect will of God.

“Comfort, yes, comfort My people!”

Says your God.

“ Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her,

That her warfare is ended,

That her iniquity is pardoned;

For she has received from the LORD’s hand

Double for all her sins.”

Isaiah 40:1-2

 
*Click here to read Job 7

The Heartbroken Lily- part 4

Praise the LORD!

For it is good to sing praises to our God;

For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful. 

The LORD builds up Jerusalem;

He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:1-3

I can not thank you enough. I think today's post will be the hardest one yet. It will be like digging into a grave that I buried my heart breaking memories. None the less, it is through those heartaches that I have come to know God as my healer, comforter, and God of wonders. I have come to know God the Father in a very intimate way through these hard times. I would be limiting God's amazing glory by sharing only the great joys in my life. I have a need to expose my hurts and pain because it is in those dark moments that God’s amazing glory did shine the brightest. The stories I will share will not coincide necessarily with the time frame of parts one - three of my testimony but is more of a beautifully broken medley of God's redeeming love.

I shared with you that though I had claimed to be a Christian I had not been living the life of a Christ follower. Sure, I shared Christ with people, but my actions washed out my words. There is power in the Holy Spirit, and at times, I felt a tug at my heart and I knew that it was the Spirit of God telling to share Christ with someone. At times I would, but at other moments the fear or rejection, of being mocked and of appearing too religious held me back from speaking. Afterwards, I would go through the world's worst guilt trip for not doing so. One Friday, I felt a heavy burden to speak to a friend of mine about Jesus, and about the hope found in Him. God’s message was very clear. It was as if God wanted me to speak only about hope. But, I was uneasy with sharing God's hope to her. It turned out that we would spend the entire day together. For a second time, the Lord told me to talk to her. I neglected to do so one more time. Again and again, throughout the day the Lord kept prompting me to speak to her. I spent a good 6 hours with her engaged in conversation and what not but I did not speak to her. Afterwards, I felt horrible because I knew what I had to do and didn’t do it. “Next time Lord,” is what I said to Him. She committed suicide that night.

I have made many terrible decisions, but to me, none can be worse than this one. Through many words of comfort, I was reminded that she made this decision on her own to take her life. But the doubt that if I had said something to her she could have possibly still be alive today. I have never been able to surrender this guilt fully. A part of me finds comfort in holding myself accountable for her death. I still drive by where she committed suicide and just cry till I can’t cry anymore. After her death, life for me changed forever. I promised the Lord to be obedient to His prompting and to speak boldly. However, this was not going to change the fact that she wasn’t here. I couldn’t sleep for a very long time. I would have dreams of her asking me why I never shared Jesus with her. What helped was God’s divine grace. He bandaged my wound with the help of my family and friends. A friend from church bought me a pillow to cry on, a journal to vent and a book* that helped me get back on track and be a courageous witness to the lost. The day of her funeral I had written a poem dedicated to her. I gave it to her grieving parents.

There is one more death that I have bottled up inside and probably the most difficult one to talk about. And if you are somewhat close to me, you know that if it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t be writing about this. This Sunday, December the 6th will be five years since my Grandfather went to be with the Lord. As if I didn’t cry enough about Susie’s suicide, writing about Abuelito is shredding me to pieces. His death is the deepest wound I have. Far deeper than the suicide, far deeper than walking away from my first love, far deeper than the most horrific experiences I had. Death is so final.

Abuelito to me was my earthly Prince. He would always remind me of how I was his favorite grandchild. He always commended me on being strong willed, and of a rough character. He would always smile at me when I would stand up for myself. He spoiled me with love. He let me get away with anything. He would let me light up his cigarettes as a child. And often times he would leave me a beer under the dinning table, knowing full well that Mami would get upset at Him. I loved rubbing his bald head and his belly. I loved his hands and his feet. He was the funniest man I knew and will ever know. But he was also, one of the godliest too. He knew the Bible, every story, every word. He taught me to love cheese, Häagen-Dazs ice cream and the New York Yankees. He was a hard working man. His death was very sudden. And even though I have all these wonferful memories to keep his memory alive in me, I still am mourning his death, I think I always will.

The night before He went to be with the Lord, my Grandmother had called me to ask if I could take Abuelito to his doctor’s appointment the next morning. She told me the time and I agreed to pick Him up since it was going to be my day off. The morning came and I was running late to go pick him up. That’s when I got the phone call from my Grandmother. She was panicking and I couldn’t understand what she was saying. All I could make out was, “Pedrito! Ay Pedrito! Corre!” in English it would be, “Pedrito! Oh my goodness, Pedrito! Hurry!” I ran to my Mother’s room, she was getting dressed. I yelled that something was wrong with Abuelito and we rushed over to their house. On the way we called an Ambulance to meet us there. When we arrived we found that a neighbor had already called 911. I watched the limb body of my Grandfather as He lay on the floor. The Paramedics were resuscitating him. My Grandmother was freaking out, Mami was hysterical and my baby cousin could not stop crying. I was motionless. I felt as if my life was being taken from me. All I could think was, “Raquel, why didn’t you pick Him up on time??? You could have had him at the clinic the time the heart attack happened.” Within minutes he released all his body fluids and I knew very well what that meant. But I wasn’t going to lose hope; the paramedics rushed Him to the Hospital.

At 11 am, that Monday morning they doctors signed him off as dead. At the least I know he didn’t suffer. I have never been able to forgive myself for this. Nor have been able to forgive myself for the pain I have caused my entire family with this great loss. I could have been there earlier, with time to spare but I wasn’t. It took me a very long time to return to my Grandmother’s house. Still today I go back there and I remember vividly Abuelito on the floor, lifeless. I am so overcome with guilt that I can’t even stand being around my own Grandmother, because I feel that I have failed her and caused her so much grief. Maybe I sink into guilt because it will offer me a temporary explanation for Abuelito’s death, when I can’t understand why He had to die. And even though, I may never be able to overcome Abuelito’s death, knowing that He is in Heaven enjoying the presence of the Lord gives me great joy. Without a doubt, I know He is with the Lord. And yes, this year he had God help the New York Yankees win the World Series, lol.

God has sustained me through both of these terrible experiences, along with other heartaches that maybe someday I will share with you. Though I have had a hard time forgiving myself, I bask in the forgiveness of God and find peace and security there. The Lord gave me two great verses that constantly console me, when guilt seems to creep in:

“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, and they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

December the 10th 2004, I have recorded in my journal verses that the Lord gave me to comfort me through the book of Isaiah** after Abuelito's death.

These heart aches, scars and memories that I have endured are what unite me to everyone else. We all hurt, we all cried and we all lose something or someone we love at one point or another. But we have a great God that can work out everything for our good. In the words of Ken Graves, “pain is our teacher.” I have known the pain of losing someone to eternal damnation, a pain that our Father must suffer too often. I have known the pain of momentary loss, like God submitted himself to when Jesus paid our debt in the pits of Hell. I have known rejection, humiliation, mockery like my Jesus has known when I share Christ and He is rejected. But I have also known the joy of seeing a friend come to Christ. I have known the joy of knowing that I will see Abuelito face to face. I have known the joy of walking with the Lord and I am not letting go.

I invite you to return to my blog tomorrow Friday, for the conclusion of this Lily story.

*Click here for the book

** Click here for verses in Isaiah that comforted me