Lyrical Friday - You Revive Me

Happy Friday! 

One word to describe the season I find myself in: Revive
A few definitions that capture the meaning are: 

• to bring or be brought back to life, vigor, consciousness, or strength; 
• resuscitate or be resuscitated 
• to give or assume new vitality 
• to return a flourishing condition, flourish again 
• to make or become operative or active again 

If Revive is my word, than You Revive Me by Christy Knockles is my theme. Outwardly I have always been vivacious and ready for anything, but in last two years or so no one saw what inwardly was happening to me: bouts of depression, apathy, stunted growth, and a lack of desire all upon me. I felt like a potted plant neglected by it's keeper. And yet God was so gracious and kind, and contrary to my lack there of,  He filled me with joy. Continually! And moments when that ugly cloud came over me, He'd bring to remembrance scriptures that comforted me. Not once did God leave me alone, or forsake me. The Holy Spirit kept His promise to be my helper. 

May of this year God spoke loudly and clear to me words that were precisely what I had been desiring to hear from Him: I will revive you. In the past few months I have sensed the hand of God doing just that. 

I've been reading A Path of Suffering by Elisabeth Elliot, and she references plants a lot. A growing plant cannot remain in a pot for various reasons: it will create a growth stunt,a complacency of some sort, it will cripple, it will wither, and it will die. A plant needs room for it's roots to spread and it needs pruning. He has taken me, a potted plant, and planted me in His field where I can return to a flourishing condition. 

New vitality. 
God is doing really exciting things in my life right now. And there is no where else I'd rather be. 

You Revive Me, Christy Knockles


If you find yourself in a loss of vitality, vigor, or strength these following verses will help recharge you. Or it could be that you can relate more to that of a stunted growth in your walk with God, these verses are a great prayer guide to get you flourishing again. And if you have that dreadful cloud of depression over you and feel inoperative, these verses will be a great source of encouragement, comfort, and of hope for you. What ever your season may be, God is with you and He will revive you! May your deserts be rivers of joy.

You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again.Psalm 71:20 

Will you not revive us again, 
that your people may rejoice in you? 
Show us your steadfast love, O Lord, 
and grant us your salvation. 
Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, 
for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints; 
but let them not turn back to folly. 
Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, 
that glory may dwell in our land. Psalm 86:6-9

My soul clings to the dust; Revive me according to Your word. Psalm 119:25

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way. Psalm 119:37

Revive me according to Your lovingkindness, so that I may keep the testimony of Your mouth. Psalm 119:88

I am afflicted very much; Revive me, O Lord, according to Your word.Psalm 119:107

Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles. Psalm 119:50 

I rise early, before the sun is up; 
I cry out for help and put my hope in your words. 
I stay awake through the night, 
thinking about your promise. 
In your faithful love, O Lord, hear my cry; 
let me be revived by following your regulations. Psalm 119:147-149

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15

Lyrical Friday - God Be Praised

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Happy Friday! I've had to wait all of November to share today's post with you. The words you are about to hear and read are more than a song, they truly are an anthem that my soul can't help but sing!

The first time I heard this song, it was sung live in a church service. It was as if I was transported to Heaven and all God's people sang in one voice, one accord to our King of Kings. The lyrics of God Be Praised, by Gateway Worship, can only be described as powerful. And as I shared this song with others, they too shared the same sentiments. There are days when my soul is weary and upon crying these words my soul is revived and I can't help but sing.

I pray that God Be Praised may become an anthem for your soul; more than a song, a piece of sacred praise, holy devotion, and a patriotic stand.

David praised the Lord in the presence of the whole assembly, saying, “Praise be to you, Lord, the God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. 1 Chronicles 29:10-11

O God, we meditate on your unfailing love as we worship in your Temple. As your name deserves, O God, You will be praised to the ends of the earth. Your strong right hand is filled with victory. Psalm 19:9-10

Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore. Psalm 113:2 

Every day I will bless You, and I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and His greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. Psalm 145:2-4

God Be Praised, Gateway Worship


You saved my life from death
When I was all defeated
You spoke Your promises
And brought life to my weakness
Came as a conquering King
And You warred for my freedom
My soul can’t help but sing
Hallelujah

You opened up my eyes
For the first time I saw You
Your love commanding life
And deserving devotion
You told me who I am
Now in faith I believe it
My soul can’t help but sing
Hallelujah

You’ve made a place for me
Silenced all my accusers
Leading me forth with peace
Filled with joy I will follow
Your cross demands my life
Now Your grace is my anthem
My soul can’t help but sing
Hallelujah

Hallelujah, we’re redeemed and made free
By the blood of the Lamb We have won
Hallelujah, we will sing victory
Jesus conquered the grave
God be praised

a few words on Guilt

Last night the topic of guilt came up in our bible study. Immediately my mind took me back to the days when guilt and shame were my shackles of choice. Guilt was a familiar feeling that I believed I had to live with.

You see, I carried the guilt of my friend's hopelessness with me that led her to suicide. I held myself responsible for my grandfather's death. I accused my lack of faith, wrong decisions and attitude for the straying away of a loved one. The shame of my past bound me. I understood that God had forgiven me, but I could not forget myself.

That is till a friend spoke words of truth into my life. In short she said, "Raquel, your grandfather died because that's the hour the Lord chose to take Him. Do you really think that you are greater than God? Or that you determine life and death? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! These words shook me and took me for a ride. Not only was my grandfather's death flashed before me, but every guilt and every shame that had crippled me.

I had a questions to deal with in light of the truth my friend had spoken:
Was I assuming to be greater than God by not forgiving myself? Would I continue believing the lie that I was responsible and accountable for what God had willed and permitted? That night began a process of God replacing truth for lies, a deep healing, and setting me free. His grace was so gentle and sweet.

For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 1 John 3:20

Dear Friend, has guilt made your heart its home? Is your mind clouded with shameful memories? Is your faith crippled? Have you made yourself responsible for choices God has made or the choices others have taken? Are you holding yourself accountable for actions or events that the Lord has forgiven you for? Do you find it difficult to forgive your self and move forward?
God is greater than your sin.
God is greater than your shortcomings.
God is greater than your mistakes.
God is greater than your failures.
God is greater than you.
God is greater than your heart.
God is greater than your memories.
God is greater than your ability to forgive and forget.
God is Great.

Allow today for the grace of God to shatter the shackles of guilt and deliver you from the shame that condemns you. God is love, and it is His perfect love that will perfect you. It's a process, be patient with Him as He replaces lies with truth, heals you, and sets you free.

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. 1 John 4:17-18

But love covers all sins. Proverbs 10:12

Sentence Tuesday

It takes pride to be anxious, 

I am not wise enough to know how my life should go.

-Tim Keller

beach in Haiti, 2012

the comforter and the jarrah tree

The Comforter
by Pastor Jack Hayford

And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you forever—
John 14:16

In Australia, there’s a tree called the Jarrah—also known as “ironwood.” This tree is so heavy and dense and hard that termites hate it. That’s why this ironwood is used widely in construction. But let me tell you, it takes real strength, skill, and determination to build with ironwood.
Aspects of your life may cause you to wonder: Is this a “jarrah” situation—one so hard I don’t think I’ll ever be able to “cut it”?

Well, rest in comfort—rather, in the Comforter. The Holy Spirit can handle it! He is deeply personal, all-powerful, and ever present. And He wants to make Himself known in the details of your life and your relationships.

Rebuilding the Real You

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a life of gratitude

gratitude:  a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favors 

synonyms: thanks, thankfulness, appreciation, gratefulness

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Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God, and keep the vows you made to the Most High. psalm 50:14
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Over ten years ago I sat in a church service that changed me forever. I don't remember the topic or the passage of scripture being read. The only thing I remember is this: "Gratitude is not a feeling, it is an act. We must chose to be grateful, by choosing to give thanks." When the Psalmist said, "make thankfulness your sacrifice" He was right on. It is work.
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How are we to do the work of thankfulness? The Pastor continued sharing practical ways of living a life of gratitude: "Give thanks to God for everything! When you wake up, thank God for being alive. When you shower, thank God for the water and soap. As you have breakfast, thank God for the coffee (Lord knows I do this one daily!). As you drive, thank God for your transportation. Thank God for the tree you pass every day. Thank God for..." You get the drift, give thanks to God for everything. If God is the giver of all things, and I am His follower, a life of gratitude is a logical act of worship.
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I took this nugget of wisdom with me and put it to practice the very next day. As I drove to work, I thanked God everything! From the very breath I had just taken, to the trees down the street. The more consistent I was in this new way of life, the more things I found to be thankful for. Oh my Word! This was easier than I thought. I was on a roll, till I was rolled over by a great and fiery trial. What was I to do? The words of Pastor Mandy came back to mind, gratitude is an act, not a feeling. I definitely didn't feel like dancing with shouts of thankfulness, but I made a choice to give thanks. I learned that day what an "offering of thanksgiving" meant. It wasn't easy at first, but it did become easier. Before I knew it, my heart and mind had found peace in the midst of a pressing situation.
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I challenge you today. As gratitude is an action, choose today to be thankful for everything. Begin by thanking God for being who He is, name His names and attributes. Thank Him for the small things you see in your surrounding. Trust me, nothing is too small or insignificant. As you walk, sit, or drive from one destination to another, thank God for the things and people you see. And when you can't fall asleep at night, and are "too tired" to pray, just lay there and thank God for whatever comes to mind. Take it a step further, keep a daily journal where you jot down things you are thankful for that day. When trying times come over you, go back and read all the many things you are thankful for. You will discover that through gratitude, you already have enough to fight the battle.
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God bless you dear friend!
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Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving;
Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. Psalm 95:2
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Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. Psalm 100:4
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Be thankful in all circumstances, 
for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
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Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6
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Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. Hebrews 13:15
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Let your roots grow down into Christ, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:7

Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. Colossians 3:16
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 Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. Ephesians 5:3-5
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Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe. Hebrews 12:28

Sentence Tuesday

I am starting my day with the thought that 

I can make a difference in someone's life. -Marilyn Brett

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Lyrical Friday - Love Has Found Us

I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you! I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise you with songs of joy. Psalm 63:2-5

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Satisfy us each morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Psalm 90:14

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You open Your hand And satisfy the desire of every living thing. Psalm 145:16

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Hungry anyone? Thirsty? Weary? Burdened? Lost? Angry? Hurt? Abandoned? Lonely? Broken?
Can I get a witness? We have all experienced one of the above, if not all, at some point in our lives. It may very well be that these are not scars, but recent wounds. To all these sad states, God says, "I AM." To everything you are not, He is I AM.
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I AM says to you today:
I AM your God. I AM your savior. I AM your friend. I AM your defender. I AM your deliverer. I AM your healer. I AM your provider. I AM your lover. I AM your father. I AM your creator. I AM your restorer. I AM your comfort. I AM the One who sees you. I AM the lifter of your head. I AM the anchor of your life. I AM the light in your darkness. I AM seeking you. I AM who satisfies your every need. Remember, to everything you are not, He is I AM.
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I encourage you to listen closely to the lyrics of this song. Heck, bust out dancing and rejoicing, for the great I AM has found us! His love is better than life itself. So breathe in deep His love! Because only I AM's love can fully satisfy our souls. May He quiet you with His love and calm all your fears. May our wonderful I AM fill you afresh and a new with His Spirit and satisfy your every need. God bless you folks!
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Love Has Found Us, Bellarive

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Broken down
I've run aground
in perfect need
of You
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The life You bring
You breathe on me
for out of You comes everything
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so we breathe in deep this love
so we breathe in deep this love
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Ocean sings
Your melodies
the Composer's heart 
Indeed
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Painted skies
rest at Your feet
the earth surrenders
a masterpiece
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so we breathe in deep this love
so we breathe in deep this love
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It's so beatiful 
how only You can satisfy this heart
it's so beautiful
how only You can satisfy this heart
for You will always be the life i need
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The life You bring 
breathe on me
for out of You comes everything
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that's why 
we breathe in deep this love
we breathe in deep this love
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it's so beautiful how only You can satisfy this heart
it's so beautiful how only You can satisfy this heart
it's so beautiful how only You can satisfy this heart
it's so beautiful how only You can satisfy this heart
for You will always be
the life i need
the life i need
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we sing sing it out we sing it loud 
for love has found us

Lyrical Friday - Beneath the Waters

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For those who follow godly paths will rest in peace when they die. Isaiah 57:2
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“I create the fruit of the lips: Peace, peace to him who is far off and to him who is near,” says the Lord, “And I will heal him.” Isaiah 57:19-

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. Psalm 23:6 
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I cried out to you, O Lord. I begged the Lord for mercy, saying, “What will you gain if I die, if I sink into the grave? 

Can my dust praise you? 

Can it tell of your faithfulness?  

Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me. Help me, O Lord.” You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever! Psalm 30:8-12

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My paternal grandmother passed away yesterday and I am confident in the Lord that she is in His presence. It got me thinking about the people I know that have passed away and into eternal glory or eternal damnation. One person made me uneasy. She was difficult to live with, hard to love, evil many times, blasphemous, a liar, a thief and she did much harm. Her heart harbored a lot of anger, bitterness, hate, filth and malice. Out of the abundance of her heart, her mouth indeed spoke and her actions followed. She did accept Jesus into her heart as her Lord and Savior, and for a moment in her life we witnessed repentance. Though she did change a bit, she remained bitter, perverse and proud. 
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All this to say, that I sat on my bed and the goodness of the Lord of angered me. Her sins were so great yet because God is a just God who keeps His word, she is in Heaven now. Her sins erased. She has been raised and now in Christ she lives. How could He? (I'm being completely transparent here). In a way, it made me mad that she would, for all of eternity, enjoy the goodness of the Lord and that His mercy would now follow her all the days of her new life. She had committed so much evil and did not deserve eternity with Him. And then God spoke to me, "Her sins weigh as much as yours." 
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Forgive me Lord. 
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Oh wretched woman that I am.
As Christ was raised to life, she has been risen in Him.
And just like her, I was dead in my sin but I will rise.
She taught me the mercy of God.
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Beneath The Waters, Hillsong 

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This is my revelation
Christ Jesus crucified 
Salvation through redemption 
At the cross on which He died 
Now here my absolution 
Forgiveness for my sin
And I sink beneath the waters
That Christ was buried in 
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I will rise
I will rise
As Christ 
Was raised to life
Now in Him 
Now in Him 
I live
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I stand a new creation 
Baptized in blood and fire
No fear of condemnation 
By faith I'm justified 
q2
I rise as You were risen 
Declare Your rule and reign 
My life confess Your lordship
And glorify Your name 
Your word it stands eternal 
Your kingdom knows no end 
Your praise goes on forever
And on and on again 
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No power can stand against You 
No curse assault Your throne
No one can steal Your glory 
For it is Yours alone 
I stand to sing Your praises 
I stand to testify 
For I was dead in my sin 

Sentence Tuesday

Your relationship with God 

is based on the revelation of scripture in your life. 

-Laura Cuevas 

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Lyrical Friday - When Death Dies

Happy Friday to you and Merry Christmas! 

Today's post come from the talented and musically genius Gungor Band. This song tells the best part of the Christmas story. I pray it inspires you today to rejoice and be the bearer of glad tidings!

Christmas story time. 

Whether its playing on TV/ being read in a classroom/ played as a skit/ or shared to a church body, the Christmas story is being told. What sweet glory this time of year is, when even heathens declare the birth of our King. How tragic though to leave the story half way told. The birth of a King and the gifts He received wasn't the end of it all. He grew, He lived, He died and He rose from the dead victorious. And because He lives, those who believe in Him, live as well. 

Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed— in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. Then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: 

“Death is swallowed up in victory.” 

“O Death, where is your sting?

"O Hades, where is your victory?”

The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 55-58

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I challenge you, tell the complete Christmas story to all the people around you. The end of the story is the best part, for the end of the Christmas story includes your name and mine, 

"...and  [your name here]  too has risen from the dead and will life forever and ever with Jesus."

When Death Dies, Gungor Band


Like the waters flooding the desert
Like the sunrise showing all things

Where it comes flowers grow
Lions sleep, gravestones roll
Where death dies all things live
Where it comes poor men feast
Kings fall down to their knees
When death dies all things live
All things live

Like a woman searching and finding love
Like an ocean buried and bursting forth

Where it comes flowers grow
Lions sleep, gravestones roll
Where death dies all things come alive
Where it comes water’s clean
Children fed
All believe
When death dies all things live
All things live

birthday surprise! It's Cindy.

Hi Friends!
I pray and hope that the birthday series has been a great blessing to you. This week I have been so encouraged by all the wonderful and wise words we have received. Today will be no different. Cindy is my younger cousin/ little sister/ friend / fellow youth leader / and at times, my daughter. The Lord has done a remarkable work in her life. With great joy, I share this post with you. God bless you.

Most of my life I lived in fear. Fear of people, fear of failure, fear of being alone- the list would go on and on. It got to the point that I would do what I feared in order to seem that nothing was wrong (I feared showing my emotions as well). All of these irrational fears that kept me from living my life were nothing compared to the rational fear that I had of losing someone that I loved. This rational fear became reality when my Mother passed away in Spring 2010, the end of my junior year in High School. 

Prior to my Mother passing away, I remember worrying about my grades, worrying about the score that I would get on my SATs, whether I would get into a good college… It all seemed so important at that time. I grew up believing that that was all that life was about: going to school, achieving a degree, getting a good job, and then starting a family. It took losing my mom to realize that there was more to life than just being successful. It took losing my mom to realize that I had a choice to have a bigger purpose in life- to follow God and the plans that He has for me. 

I gave my life completely to God three months after she passed away. I knew I couldn’t handle life and all the things going on at home on my own anymore. I realized that God would be by my side to help me get through it, as long as I put my trust in Him. Not everything has been peachy since then but God has not failed to give me support in any of the trials that I have gone through. God has been faithful to guide me along the path that He has set before me and helped me to build my trust in Him, even though it was very hard for me to trust anyone else. 

I’m sure that you can relate to me in some way. Is there any fear that you have had for a long time that you have not been able to deal with on your own? I want to tell you that you don’t have to. You have a God that is way bigger than you, a God that already knows where your life is leading, and He will be there for you as long as you give Him the chance to be.

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“Cast your anxiety on Him for He cares for you.”

 1 Peter 5:7

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”

Proverbs 3:5-7

sentence tuesday

Whenever you find a girl building her life on an outer appearance, you find a broken girl. -Jennifer Strickland

sentence tuesday?

thee verse

 

As promised, today I will share with you the verse I received from this year. During the end of December the Lord spoke clearly to me about this verse:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10

I have to be honest with you, I was a bit desensitized to this verse because it's the life/theme verse of my church. I guess hearing it week in and week out, it became just another verse like many that become a Christian cliche. I even felt a little silly that God would choose this verse for me, thinking that it is well known in my heart. WRONG! Though the verse is well known in my mind, my heart is far from knowing it as God's written and spoken Word for me personally. It makes sense to me now that John 10:10 is for me this year, right now.

At the end of the year I shared with other youth leaders the responsibility of teaching the youth from the big people pulpit, lol. Freedom was the series and I had the honor of doing the first teaching. And with that great honor came total blankness. Freedom in the spiritual sense can mean many things to a large group of people. After much prayer I knew what aspect of Freedom I would teach: Freedom to Live. Little did I know that in preparing for this sermon the Lord would teach me a thing or two through John 10:10. This verse no longer is a "church" verse for me but a life verse (along with many other great ones) and my year verse for 2011.

Throughout the coming week, I will be sharing parts of that teaching as well as what John 10:10 means to me. Jesus has come to give me life, to give you life, life that is abundant and overflowing with His goodness. It is this Jesus that my heart yearns for you to know. How appropriate to begin the year looking at Him, the giver of life. After all, in the words of a very wise man that I have the privilege of knowing: If it doesn't point to Jesus, what's the point? -George Cuevas.

birthday surprise: It's Francine.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so thrilled that today is finally here, my favorite Holiday: Thanksgiving! And because it's my favorite day of the year, I asked a very special lady to guest blog. When I asked my friends to guest blog, I also gave them liberty to write and when to submit their post. However, after spending some time with the Lord one day I felt him prompting me to ask Francine to write the Thanksgiving Day post. The Lord is brilliant and He knows what He is doing. Francine truly is a crown o glory in the hand of our God (Isaiah 62:3). She is so precious. May you be blessed by Francine's post and encouraged to rejoice always, pray without ceasing and in everything give thanks. God bless YOU.

Thankfulness, Thankfulness is what I want from You

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 16-17

Thanksgiving is such a wonderful reminder to us to be thankful for all God has, is and will do in our lives. I am thankful for the reminder.

Ever been through a horrific season and found that it became increasingly difficult as the trial continued to hold on to your faith let alone to praise God for your circumstances?

I have experienced some major seasons of drought, fire, despair, times I felt that I would drown, times I felt so alone that I was almost convinced there couldn’t be a God, times of such agonizing pain that I literally thought I would die from it. There is a specific time in my life where the trial was long and the suffering so intense that at one point I thought I had lost my faith and felt that if I didn’t hold on I would never get it back. I spent months of crying and pleading to God to heal my sweet husband Bill.

Bill was not well and in a lot of pain for 3 years. We were married for 2/1/2 years, all of which was during this time he was in constant pain (chronic pain) and we sought many treatments for nerve repair, spent a small fortune on changing his diet, juicing, all natural treatments, etc., etc. He was on 2 class 2 narcotics plus a host of other meds to treat his pain and symptoms from that pain. During this time he started getting swollen nodules in his neck. Two biopsies were done; they thought it was cancer and we prepared for the worst. The first biopsy wasn’t conclusive so they did the second to rule out the possibility of cancer. He had appointments with an Oncologist who was sure it was cancer and was preparing us for the worst. The swollen lymph nodes were all throughout his body even in his lungs. The second biopsy ruled out cancer. Then they thought for sure it was a fungus, so off to the Infection Disease doctor we went for more tests. We saw a few other doctors along the way but nothing was conclusive. Finally, his pain management doctor, after many trips to the emergency room for overdosing on his prescribed meds, determined that it was the medication itself that was killing him. His immune system (lymph nodes) was holding onto the meds so that he wouldn’t kill himself. All of this is too complicated to go into in great detail here but you get the idea.

His doctor sent him to a psychologist to help him prepare to come off the meds. He told him that if he did not stop taking all of the narcotics he would kill himself. The psychologist helped him to prepare. We went to our pastors and asked for counsel and guidance. Bill entered a 2-week detox program. Once he finished that he went to a Christian drug treatment program. He was there for 3 months.

When he came home it was a time of adjustment for him but he did really well. After 5 months of praying and seeking God for the direction our life would now take, we both sensed God calling us to move from Miami to Virginia to be a witness to his 9-year-old son, Bradley. Bradley had no Christian influence in his life and we readily moved 1 mile away from his house.

We were there for 6 weeks when the unthinkable happened. Bradley woke me one morning to tell me that Daddy fell in the bathroom and that he couldn’t get him up. My heart plunged.

You see for the first 2 years of our married life I had expected to wake up one morning and find that Bill had overdosed. After rehab that fear had dissipated. I knew before I ever went into the bathroom that morning that he was gone. I won’t go into all of the details of the situation but being away from my church family was extremely difficult. But from the first day God provided for my needs and spoke his peace and love into my life. The Calvary Chapel we were attending there has an amazing pastor. He and his wife and other members were there for me in anyway I needed them for the next 2 months.

Bill had secretly kept some medication. As I said he was taking class 2 narcotics. The meds he was taking were extremely strong. You had to “work your way up to them”. He had been complaining of pain for a couple of weeks and I can only imagine that it became unbearable for him. Sometime during that last night he took one of the narcotics and immediately went home to be with the Lord.

As I prayed about what to write, this was not my intention, it doesn’t feel holidayish, but I do feel certain that this is what God asked me to write.

I shared this with you to share this specifically, what I learned during this time. My loss was immense and it is just within the last couple of months that I feel completely whole in Christ. In the onset of my grief God asked me to praise Him in my circumstances. He had chosen not to heal my husband but to take Him home and yet He asked me to have a grateful heart. I must confess that I started off with mere words, my feelings were not gracious, nor understanding. But I did what God asked of me. After months of saying “thank you” to God during my prayer time and through out my days, one day I realized that I WAS thankful to God for taking Bill home.

Is. 57:1- The righteous perishes, and no man takes heart; merciful men are taken away, while no one considers that the righteous is taken away from evil.” God gave me this scripture within the first couple of weeks of Bill’s death. It did bring me comfort that God had spared Bill from evil that was to come. A couple of months later God gave me this scripture again and told me that He had spared me from evil to come also.

I now understand that 1 Thes. 1:16-17 that we are to give thanks IN everything. Not just for everything, while it is actually occurring. I believe that thankfulness is the same as forgiveness in that both are claimed in the Spirit and are done at that moment through the strength of Christ. The flesh eventually catches up as we continue to claim it and walk it out.

I want to encourage you to be thankful in the midst of your situation, no matter how bad it seems. Thanksgiving is a great time to think on all God has, is and will continue to do in your life and it is a special holiday to do this! But, please take it to the next level and give God the thanks He is due at all times and in all things. “All things work together for our good and His glory”. Either God’s Word is true or it isn’t. Let’s stand in faith that God hasn’t given us more than we can bear and let’s praise Him in the midst of our worst.

I pray that your Thanksgiving and Christmas is filled with God’s love through His Spirit and His people. The best blessing in life…that God loves us! Receive all that He has for you. Let go of any bitterness toward God and know that He is working all things out for you so that He will be glorified!

I moved back to Miami to be with my loving, supportive, church family. I am completely healed and take great comfort that Bill will never hurt again.

Blessings, peace and love.