Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 3

Happy Friday Lovely! Today we read part three of Nicki's . And boy is it a treasure! As I read it last night, I was lost in a sea of tears. My heart and spirit connected with her words and I will never be the same. I am confident that her testimonies have, in a special way, reached your heart and drawn you closer to our precious Jesus. Thank You Mzungu for taking us with you through your journey!

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She quietly stood by my side as I was quieting a baby in the back of the church. She said no words. She had no glimpse of emotion on her face. She just stood. All she was in that moment was a fearless young girl standing next to this mzungu awaiting the chance for my hand to drop to my side so that she could grab it. Once that happens, she will be mine until she leaves this place because she doesn’t want to take the chance that another child will take the place on my lap; or, until mum calls her.

I used to think it was the great work to hold onto these kids with the desire to never let go. It was in those moments I could hold on tight while praying over them, their families, and their circumstances. I’d cherish these moments.

This moment was different though. Before I got the chance to begin to pray, before I was able to whisper something beautiful over her, Mama Scovia called little Jovan away. She looked my way with an innocent smile and waved to me. She was gone before I knew it, on her way over to Sunday school with her older sister. My moment was over. Jovan was with me for just a few minutes. We smiled together and ate a sweetie (candy) and cleaned each other’s hands with sanitizer. And just when our moment was over, as she ran over to her mum, I was reminded that the act of holding must be an act of release.

I think that’s the way of this world – the part I have trouble with. We cherish what we must somehow release.

I wanted to hold on to little Jovan forever. I want to hold on to God’s children and love His people to the best of my ability. After all, God has given me this desire, right?

I used to think it was the great work to do this, until I realized there’s a greater work—seeing it through God’s view. It’s one thing to be able to hold people secure in your arms, in your heart, and in your thoughts about them and never wanting to let that go. But the reality is that we must.

God loves us. He loves us to no end. He released His Son into a desperate world. I think about the cross, and how in that moment of Christ sacrificing Himself, He was releasing us from the embrace of the world into the embrace of God.

There’s a connection, I think, with an offering and the release.

What I mean is that if we hold these things, these moments, too tightly, we can’t make the gesture of offering. In doing this, we can’t do the greater work. The work of loving so deeply and securely that we actually release our hold on what it is that we love so much. By holding onto something too closely, we lose the opportunity to see it as a gift, which I believe actually hinders us from being able to offer praise back to the Giver.

If we hold onto something too closely, we miss the greater work of love.

“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” –Hebrews 13:15

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013 // There's little Jati!
read about Jati HERE 

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

FollowTheNicki.com 

and read Nicki's chronicles during her stay in Uganda

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 2

Happy Wednesday! Welcome back to the Birthday Series to read part 2 of Nicki's journey.  Get your passport ready, pack your bag, and bon voyage ... you're off to Gulu, Uganda!

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I've never told the bathtub story.

There was a tub. That’s all it was though—an empty beige bathtub with a handheld faucet. My first instinct was, “Damn, I’m going to make a disastrous mess every time I bathe.” I pictured a flood of murky water seeping down the hall into my room. (Which actually happened one morning, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!) Ministry in Uganda is a dirty business; dusty feet, orange-tainted clothes, wash my long hair two or three times just for it to feel clean and the water not be brown, kind of dirty.

Then, there was this one day. This overwhelming, slap-in-the-face, type of day. The kind of day where I prayed on the boda boda (motorcycle taxi) all the way home that I would have enough connection to call my mom and listen to her wisdom. With the time difference I had to wait for her to wake up, of course! It was one of those days where trusting in this great big God of mine, the Creator and Savior of the universe, was harder than getting on that same boda boda with a skirt (NOT easy, people).

It was on this day, in Gulu, Uganda. From one moment to the next, I found myself fully clothed and in fetal position, crying my eyes out for almost three hours… inside of this tub. For that brief time, my world sort of froze. I felt as though it hadn't completely shattered, but it was slightly tilted a little too far over for my comfort, and all I found myself doing was trying to find some sort of balance for my heart, to where it wouldn't topple over and break completely.

I had effectively lost my grip. Had I forgotten what to expect? Had I let my emotions run too deep? Maybe, just maybe I expected too much from someone who was unstable to begin with? How could anyone just leave them? Literally just abandon them in front of my face.

Obviously, God knew the answers to all of the million questions racing through my head.

Here’s the thing— I often wonder how my thoughts towards this world, our duties, this life— how it all would really be to me if I hadn't met Patience and Andrew. While in Uganda, I got a small glimpse into the life of being a mom. I experienced first-hand dealing with the struggles of my kids on a daily basis. I dealt with the personalities accompanied by the attitudes. I saw joy and innocence as well as the hurt and suffering that no child should ever have to experience. It was in the midst of caring for these two precious lives though, that God truly stretched me farther than I ever thought imaginable.

I dealt with their birth mother. She was younger than I with a total of six children. The twins were the youngest of them all at two years old. She was sick. They were starving, literally. And I was found in the mix because God purposefully had me there in Gulu Babies Home on this very same day. She left them there. In that moment, she chose addiction as she walked away from me with her skinny toddlers crying in my arms.

In this moment, curled up in that bathtub, for the first time ever, I actually doubted “purpose”. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you've never found yourself sitting alone in a tub, but has God ever thrown a curve-ball to you so fast that—forget not even seeing it come—you were just left questioning “is this even real?”

Wisdom from my mom helped only for the moment. The solace provided by roommates, the same.

“God, did I really just experience this? Were these kids that I just grew to love just left behind by their own mother?”

It was in that bathtub that I realized I was trying to remind God of the things He promised to us—telling Him that He was doing it all wrong. Funny right? I didn't think so.

Firmly holding onto God’s promises in the midst of hardship can be a powerful experience. Did I fully trust God at His Word? Definitely not in that moment. I will humbly admit that I had a moment of relapse, but God graciously allowed me to stumble over myself, feel the hurt and vulnerability that He knew I needed, and give me the strength to pick myself back up and make a difference.

He knew.

He allowed the circumstances around me to take place. He didn't feel bad for me, but instead He entrusted me with the blessing of being a part of the beautiful rescue mission that was about to take place in the lives of my twins. Clearly, in my own life as well.

Please be encouraged today in knowing that God’s promises are true. We are loved by a God who is forgiveness, mercy, grace, faithfulness, strength and love. It’s a reminder I need EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And with that truth stored away in my heart, the only purpose for a bathtub from now on is solely to relax! 

Patience, Nicki, and Andrew, first time ever walking in 2 years.
Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 1

Happy Monday and welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today we welcome back Nicki, or as I now call her Mzungu (white girl). Last year Nicki shared on the Birthday Series about her two week trip to Uganda ( read here part 1 and part 2). Since then, she returned to Uganda for a much longer visit and chronicled her thoughts at FollowtheNicki.com. If you're up for some serious life changing reads, go visit the links. Without further ado, scroll down for the first of three posts by our favorite Mzungu. 

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Hi everyone!

You know some things I love? Birthdays, for one, so happy 4^th birthday, blog!!  I also love getting to hang out and share some words here on Rak’s space. I love her loud, hilarious, creative and insightful heart, and it’s a joy to share here at her blog. Even better—she asked me to talk Uganda for a few posts! I’m excited by that and I pray you take away some encouragement from this week’s posts with whatever the Lord wants to share with you. So off we go…

  

May 1, 2013 I stepped on a plane bound for Entebbe, Uganda without a clue as to what God had in store for me. He knew.

Questions raged from others on whether this was where God was “really” calling me and for how long. Only He knew.

I had only previously spent two rapid weeks in Uganda less than 9 months before this time. I knew close to nothing about what culture would be like, how awkward the ever-changing weather would be, or how difficult it would be to survive on my own cooking for four months. He knew.

He knew the hardships, the bouts of loneliness, and the depths of intimacy and vulnerability that I would experience. He knew the place I had just walked through with wounds and bruises, and a slightly bleeding heart, and He knew where He needed to take me.

My God knows me. He also knows my absolute confidence when I say that my heart and my life have been utterly transformed because of this crazy leap I took to leave the familiar and cross into the unknown—alone. I am still in awe of the privilege I have been given to share life and ministry with the people of Uganda. The capacity in which I had ever previously served God was easily eclipsed by the glow of relationships birthed, the experience of working alongside churches, ministries and in homes, and the joy of seeing a lost and hurting heart being made alive in Christ.

There was a point where this role of Nicki ended and where the great and awesomeness of God began. This point was an acknowledgment that in order to truly be safe, protected, happy, secure and fully used, I needed to completely abandon myself before God, Creator and Savior. My everything was in Him. My everything is in Him. Uganda pushed me to see beyond myself, my flesh, and to witness the miraculous love of my God. His thoughts and His plans are way above mine; yours too. He knew what I needed and where I needed to go.

All along, He always knew…

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Ziemely

Happy Friday Friends! Today's post comes from my friend Zee. In short, she can be described as encouraging, a gentle and quiet spirit, and lovely. I'm bummed that I can't see her often, but between texts and prayers the Lord has united us in friendship. You will be greatly blessed through her post! 

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I want to start off by saying thank you to Raquel for allowing me to contribute to her blog. I was surprised when she asked last year and I think even more surprised this time around.

I’m from Miami but this past January I moved to Nashville. You are probably wondering why Nashville and to tell you the truth I wondered the same thing for a while. In April 2011, after a very tumultuous 2010, a year in which I lost three close loved ones and ending an unhealthy relationship I truly and whole heartedly gave my life to Christ.

Even though I was confiding and trusting in God I was still taken aback when He planted a seed for the city of Nashville. I was a baby in the faith and in all reality I still am, but I thought I was crazy! I had never been to Nashville nor did I know anyone here. But after trying to put the idea out of my mind for close to a year, I realized that if I didn’t at least start to research the city and the potential move I would be going against something that I felt God was calling me to do.

As soon as I started looking into it, I started to feel more and more at peace about the possibility of leaving my home for the unknown. I applied for 3 jobs and within a month of applying to the third job I was offered a job with my current company and I knew that I was on the path God wanted me to be on.

There are times that I am completely at a loss for words about all that has happened since giving my life to Christ. Has it been easy? NO! Have I had moments of second guessing? YES! Do I regret it? NO! And that is because I know that since that decision, God has been working in me. He is using my time here in Nashville to refine me. There are moments when it hurts and it gets lonely but I look around at all that He has blessed with me and I can’t help but be grateful for the people He has put in my life, His patience, His mercy, His love but most importantly His grace!

It has been almost  a year since accepting my job and making the decision to leave my family and friends in Miami and embark on an adventure in which I knew I was not 100% in control of and if I had to choose one word that encompassed my move it would have to be Grace! I am learning what that word truly means, I am learning to accept it but most importantly I am learning how to offer grace.

Do I have it all figured out? Not at all! Do I still make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY!! So far, my time here has been one of change. I have had my set-backs but it is in those moments in which I am learning the most. He uses those moments to show me that it’s not about me. It is about something greater than me!

May this verse hat has spoken to me more times than I can count, resonate with you. I pray that we continue to accept His grace and realize that we are weak but it is in that weakness where we are made STRONG!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

*Last year she was a guest blogger for the Birthday Surprise series, check her last post HERE. Have a beautiful day! 

Zee's home in Nashville 

Nashville

Nashville 

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 2

Happy Friday! Welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today Monica will be sharing with you part two of her journey in Montana and Guatemala. Be blessed!

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When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.- Genesis 22:9

   During my experience with Ignite, the Lord opened my eyes to how big the Church really is, all the people and the work that’s going on for His Kingdom and all that’s being accomplished as well as all the souls that still needed to be shown His love and compassion. I found myself falling in love with unfamiliar people and places and being very confused as to what to do with my new found desires.

   

At first I was kind of frustrated  “ God, I had my life planned out already I was going to go to school for this many years get my diploma in this, serve you in this way, get married eventually and who knows I might even thrown in a few kids somewhere down the line, why are you changing the plans on me know? why are all of these new desires suddenly popping up, they don’t even logically match up with anything that is naturally me!” ( which looking back now, isn’t that how God usually works? Gotta Love Him for it)

   But the new desires where there none the less, the Lord grew my perspective of who He was and just what He was capable of and just how sovereign He was in my life and in everyone’s life as well, God has a plan and nothing can really stand in the way of HIs will getting accomplished.

    Half way through my time on the field, while I was translating the story of Abraham and Isaac for the Kids program curriculum down in Antigua, the Lord had me experience my own Isaac sacrificing moment. Was I really willing to offer up my Isaac to the Lord, my life, the plans I had made, all of the promises I believed the Lord had given me or the desires that I believed where God given, was I willing to give that all up if He asked me to? Or did I value the gifts more than the Giver? 

The Lord brought me through a season of doubt, events where lining up in a way that made is seem like those newfound desires in my heart were never going to happen, and it looked as if I was going to be left hopeless and shattered, and that feeling of hopelessness and panic at the thought of not having what the Lord had ( I believed) promised me left me broken. 

    Broken not at the fact that I wasn’t going to receive my desires or that I had misheard God, but Broken at the fact that I had placed my eyes on the promises and not the Promiser. My hope was not on Him who redeemed and saved me ( not to mention Loved me unconditionally) it was on His promises. The Lord used that moment to instill in me the importance of placing my hope in Him, not on the things that He can give me.  Yes the Lord provides for us, but the motivation behind my relationship with God has to be Love and gratitude not what I can get out of it. 

    I ( in my own way) tied my promises to the altar and ran a knife through it. The most interesting thing about this passage to me is that God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, but stopped him before he could run the blade through. God is not a liar, and yeah we’ve all heard it before “God was just testing Abraham to see if he would do it”, but how did God know Abraham would really plunge the knife in? How did He know Abraham wouldn’t turn the knife at the very last second? For me the answer lies in the fact that the Lord looks at the heart, and the Lord knew Abraham would sacrifice Isaac physically because he had already done it in his heart. True sacrifice happens within the confines of the heart. 

       My challenge for the duration of my time in Guatemala as well as now that I am home is making sure that when I wake up each morning I put my eyes and hope in Christ, not on anything else, because when my joy is dependent on the God who never changes ( or fails) there’s no person or circumstance that can take it away.

Guatemala 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Monica part 1

Today's post comes from the lovely Monica. I've had the privilege of being Monica's youth leader and now friend. With great joy I asked her to share her heart and pour out what God has done in her life the past few months. I am confident that you will be blessed by her. Tune in Friday for part 2.

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Happy Birthday Blog!

I was so honored when Raquel asked me to post on the blog for its fourth birthday.

As some of you may know this past year the Lord had me go through a program called Ignite with Potter’s Field Ministries. It’s a program designed to have students give a year of their lives completely to the Lord. I spent three months in Montana, training to be sent out along with 2 other girls to the beautiful country of Guatemala.

   I spent 6 months in Guatemala, doing afterschool work with the kids in the local community, tutoring, bible lessons, skits, puppet shows, you name it! During the last three months the training portion of the Ignite school was moved down to Guatemala and my team and I were able to come alongside the then training interns ( who are now on the field) and help encourage them during their time there.

   The Lord has used the past 10  months of my life to reveal Himself to me in such a powerful way. For so long I bought into the lie that I was unlovable, that there was something defective in me that unqualified me to be loved, even by God. While I learned multiple lessons this year, none has gone deeper that the realization I had during my 3^rd month on the field.

    God loves me. As silly and basic as that might sound , after all it’s a phrase that any three year old in Sunday school can utter, it was a truth that had not sunk in very deep in my life. For so many years I thought God loved me, but it was only because I could fit under the classification of “human” which automatically made me eligible to receive His Love, but He would never really hand pick me to love, there are so many better people out there to pour out love and favor on, so many that are worth loving He definitely wouldn’t chose me if He had the choice. 

   This sadly is the lie that I had allowed to embed itself in the depths of my heart, and it was so successfully embedded that I believed it to be true, and was completely blind to the fact that I believed it about myself and my relationship with the Lord.

   During my time on the field, I literally had nothing else to cling to but Him, no familiar background, no home church, no people that I had known forever, my robotic and semi-automatic “christianese” responses wouldn’t cut in on the field. I was forced to get raw and get real with God and allow Him to strip away all the routines that I had allowed myself to hide behind, and come face to face with the ugly truth ( that was really a lie) that had been shaping my view of God and His Love for me all this time.

    I learned what it is to be Loved by the Lord, but better yet what it is to accept His love. What it is to bask in the Steadfast Love that the Lord has for me, and in that I found a confidence in being His Daughter that I was convinced I’d never be able to have.

   I’m still learning just what it is to walk in the freedom His Love brings, His individual love for the person, not for humanity in general but I’m taking it one step at a time.

   Being back home now after such a tremendous experience is a bit disorientating, but I have the Love of my Heavenly Father to ground me. I am beyond thankful for the journey He’s guided me through and the one that’s yet to come.

   Thank you to all who have been praying for me during my trip, your prayers where definitely heard and felt. May you too bask in the Steadfast Love of the Father. 

Monica in Montana with the Ignite program

Monica's view in Montana (jealous)

Monica in Guatemala

Happy 4th Birthday

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Hello Lovelies! Let's celebrate and jump for joy... Living As A Lily has turned the big 4! That's right, it's birthday birthmonth. Since the blogs first birthday, I take off the month of November and and invite guest writers as "Birthday Surprise" posts. I pray that each Birthday Surprise is a blessing to read and a word fitly spoke. Thank You for reading and making this blog yours as well. 

Lyrical Friday - Let It Shine

He uncovers mysteries hidden in darkness; he brings light to the deepest gloom. Job 12:22

You light a lamp for me. The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness. Psalm 18:28

You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. Matthew 5:14-16

Let It Shine, All Sons and Daughters
Let It Shine - All Sons and Daughters (Unofficial) from The Grove on Vimeo.

There are a million truths for every lie

So speak it out loud and let it lift high
There are a million reasons to cover your eyes
But the light is shining through the darkness we hide
But the light is shining through the darkness we hide
So come let it
Come let it
Come let it
Come let it shine x2

There's only one way to wash yourself clean
So let the dirt fall and get on your knees
There are a million scars for every mistake
Oh but we are not chained to the secrets that we've made
Oh but we are not chained to the secrets that we've made

So come let it
Come let it
Come let it
Come let it shine x2

This is the battle of our time of our time now
We can't afford not to cry not to cry out
Shake the earth from the ground from the ground
Rescue souls from the darkness around x2