Crisis

Doug Sauder: 

Crisis is a gift that nobody registers for, for obvious reasons.  But here's something that can't be denied: Crisis reveals true character. You never know the true nature of something until it is under duress or put to some sort of test. You'll never know if your roof is solid without a thunderstorm. And you'll never know the true character of someone apart from the context of crisis, and I would encourage all church leaders to embrace that reality. Here's why:

Crisis will reveal the true character in those around you, and you really need to know where people are in regard to you. Who is for you and who is against you? Nothing clarifies that like a crisis.

Also, crisis reveals the true character in you. Let's be honest, none of us are perfect and we all need to surrender and submit areas of our heart to the Lord's transformational touch. But we need to recognize what those areas are before we can yield to Him changing them in us. Nothing reveals those blind-spots like a crisis, because it's then and there that the "true you" is seen. 

Lastly, crisis reveals the true character of the Lord. God's character is constant and never changes. But there are times when we're more dialed-in than others to His voice and His actions on our behalf. Crisis is the time when our hearts tend to be most attuned to His, and He has a perfect track record of faithfulness towards those who trust in Him."

Excerpt from an interview with Phil Cooke: HERE

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 2

Happy Wednesday! Welcome back to the Birthday Series to read part 2 of Nicki's journey.  Get your passport ready, pack your bag, and bon voyage ... you're off to Gulu, Uganda!

photo credit 

I've never told the bathtub story.

There was a tub. That’s all it was though—an empty beige bathtub with a handheld faucet. My first instinct was, “Damn, I’m going to make a disastrous mess every time I bathe.” I pictured a flood of murky water seeping down the hall into my room. (Which actually happened one morning, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!) Ministry in Uganda is a dirty business; dusty feet, orange-tainted clothes, wash my long hair two or three times just for it to feel clean and the water not be brown, kind of dirty.

Then, there was this one day. This overwhelming, slap-in-the-face, type of day. The kind of day where I prayed on the boda boda (motorcycle taxi) all the way home that I would have enough connection to call my mom and listen to her wisdom. With the time difference I had to wait for her to wake up, of course! It was one of those days where trusting in this great big God of mine, the Creator and Savior of the universe, was harder than getting on that same boda boda with a skirt (NOT easy, people).

It was on this day, in Gulu, Uganda. From one moment to the next, I found myself fully clothed and in fetal position, crying my eyes out for almost three hours… inside of this tub. For that brief time, my world sort of froze. I felt as though it hadn't completely shattered, but it was slightly tilted a little too far over for my comfort, and all I found myself doing was trying to find some sort of balance for my heart, to where it wouldn't topple over and break completely.

I had effectively lost my grip. Had I forgotten what to expect? Had I let my emotions run too deep? Maybe, just maybe I expected too much from someone who was unstable to begin with? How could anyone just leave them? Literally just abandon them in front of my face.

Obviously, God knew the answers to all of the million questions racing through my head.

Here’s the thing— I often wonder how my thoughts towards this world, our duties, this life— how it all would really be to me if I hadn't met Patience and Andrew. While in Uganda, I got a small glimpse into the life of being a mom. I experienced first-hand dealing with the struggles of my kids on a daily basis. I dealt with the personalities accompanied by the attitudes. I saw joy and innocence as well as the hurt and suffering that no child should ever have to experience. It was in the midst of caring for these two precious lives though, that God truly stretched me farther than I ever thought imaginable.

I dealt with their birth mother. She was younger than I with a total of six children. The twins were the youngest of them all at two years old. She was sick. They were starving, literally. And I was found in the mix because God purposefully had me there in Gulu Babies Home on this very same day. She left them there. In that moment, she chose addiction as she walked away from me with her skinny toddlers crying in my arms.

In this moment, curled up in that bathtub, for the first time ever, I actually doubted “purpose”. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you've never found yourself sitting alone in a tub, but has God ever thrown a curve-ball to you so fast that—forget not even seeing it come—you were just left questioning “is this even real?”

Wisdom from my mom helped only for the moment. The solace provided by roommates, the same.

“God, did I really just experience this? Were these kids that I just grew to love just left behind by their own mother?”

It was in that bathtub that I realized I was trying to remind God of the things He promised to us—telling Him that He was doing it all wrong. Funny right? I didn't think so.

Firmly holding onto God’s promises in the midst of hardship can be a powerful experience. Did I fully trust God at His Word? Definitely not in that moment. I will humbly admit that I had a moment of relapse, but God graciously allowed me to stumble over myself, feel the hurt and vulnerability that He knew I needed, and give me the strength to pick myself back up and make a difference.

He knew.

He allowed the circumstances around me to take place. He didn't feel bad for me, but instead He entrusted me with the blessing of being a part of the beautiful rescue mission that was about to take place in the lives of my twins. Clearly, in my own life as well.

Please be encouraged today in knowing that God’s promises are true. We are loved by a God who is forgiveness, mercy, grace, faithfulness, strength and love. It’s a reminder I need EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And with that truth stored away in my heart, the only purpose for a bathtub from now on is solely to relax! 

Patience, Nicki, and Andrew, first time ever walking in 2 years.
Uganda 2013

Lyrical Friday - Tender Mercy

I don't know about you, but as for me, this week has felt eternal. With great joy I say: 

Happy Friday to YOU! 

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Today I was able to witness men and women, who once were enslaved by heavy chains, walk as free as ever. One man shared testimony of how he turned his life around and is now a new man. All of the people in that room, were now free and clean because someone tendered mercy unto them. The slate of their past stands now clean. Though this wasn't a church setting, nor was Christ ever mentioned, I couldn't help but think about Him. -

Yet I still dare to hope

    when I remember this: 

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! 

His mercies never cease. 

Great is his faithfulness; 

His mercies begin afresh each morning. 

I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; 

therefore, I will hope in him!

Lamentations 3:21-24

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We are guilty of falling short, not one is righteous, and all have sinned. As it is, we never do stop sinning but we can dare to hope. Upon the moment of repentance and surrender to God, His love and mercy are tendered to us. His love covering a multitude of sin. His mercy, greater than our sin(s), is made new to us each day! What a wonderful God! 

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Tender Mercy, Enter The Worship Circle 

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Praise The Lord, Oh My Soul
and All My Deepest Parts
give Praise To The One
who Pulled You Out Of Darkness
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tender Mercy, You Forgive Me
slow To Anger, Quick To Love
-as High As The Mountains Try
your Love Falls All Around Me
as Wide As The East To West
my Sins Are Taken From Me

When God is Silent, teaching from camp

Happy Monday!
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A week ago this very hour, I was standing before a room of 70+ youth girls. God had spoken to me a good word to share with them: When God is Silent. A friend asked me to share my notes and so, here they are.
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When God is Silent
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Opening Exercise:
Ask the girls to close their eyes and not open them till I tell them to. Both the girls and myself are not to speak at all. Do not tell them for how long they will sit in silence.
Once I have them open their eyes, point out:
* Though there was silent, I was still present // Though there is silence from above, God is still present
* Though I was silent, I was still at work // Though God is silent, He is still at work on their behalf
* I wasn't silent because I was upset at them // God is not silent because He is upset at them
* My love for them didn't change because of my silence // God's love for them is unchanging
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Key Verses:

* Psalm 42:1-3 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” 

* Psalm 13:1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

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Personal Experience: 

Briefly share these experiences.

* Four years ago I felt like the Psalmist, abandoned by the Lord

* Brokenhearted by the betrayal of a friend

* Felt useless when I was taken out of ministries

* Felt like a failure as I applied for many jobs and not one company called me back

* I continued to seek the Lord to heal my depression, but He remained silent 

* Doubt became fear 

* I grew faithless 

* I was angry, confused, bitter

* As I compared by life to others, I complained to God about mine

* Pity parties 

* Hopeless I fell down on my face into God's word

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It was through the reading of God's Word that I learned on my own the lessons I am about to teach you. 

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1. Recognize the ways God speaks 

Remind the girls to simply listen and take notes of all scripture references

1. Creation - Psalm 19:1-3 // ex: Rainbow covenant
2. Audibly - Genesis 2 // ex: God spoke to Adam 
3. Miracles & Signs - Hebrews 2:3-4 // ex: Right (God parting the red sea for the people of Israel is him speaking for them to continue). Wrong (If he wears a green shirt he is my future husband). 
4. Bible - 2 Timothy 3:16 // self explanatory
5. Circumstance - Ruth 1-4 // Through our trials He speaks comfort, provision and faithfulness
6. Prophet - Deuteronomy 18:18 // a messenger
7. Judgement - Romans 6:23 // His judgement speaks of His jealous love for us
8. Without Words - Luke 12:10-12 // Through the Holy Spirit
9. His Word Incarnate: Jesus - John 1:1-5 // The most important of all! 

2. When is God Silent?

This is not a checklist, so do not self diagnose God's silence. Seek Him. 

1. He is giving us space to make a decision // ex: Meli had to choose between school or a job (both good but the choice was hers)
2. He isn't ready to speak 
3. He has already spoken
4. He is testing us - 2 Chronicles 32:31b // He tests us not to cause us to fail but to perfect our faith
5. He knows we won't listen // Usually when we are rebellious and in disobedience (He's a gentleman and though He pursues, He won't impose Himself on us.)
6. Something or Someone is hindering our listening // Learn to recognize His voice

3. How NOT to respond when God is Silent

1. Do not doubt God or His Word - James 1:5-8 // Our limited knowledge and worldly wisdom will be as the waves tossed and driven by the wind. We are unstable when we doubt. Continue seeking God's Word and godly council/prayer. 
2. Do not live by sight - 2 Corinthians 5:7 // The opposite of faith is sight. "God, because I do not trust you I live by sight." -Bob Coy
3. Do not become angry - Proverbs 25:28 // When we give in to anger, we are driven by emotions and lose self control/discipline. We become broken down walls, causing us to be vulnerable and defenseless to spiritual attacks.
4. Do not complain - Exodus 16 // The people of Israel could have entered the promise land. It wasn't fear of the giants that kept them from entering, it was their complaining. They wandered for forty years because they complained constantly. They compared their misery to their slavery days. Greatest pity party in history: They longed for onions! YUCK! When we complain, we keep ourselves from the "promise land" and a perfected faith. We then become wanderers. 

4. How to respond when God is Silent

1. View His last order(s) as standing orders // Whatever He told you to do last, continue doing that
2. Remember past victories/promises of God and rest your faith in that 
3. Long for the Lord as David did in Psalm 42, don't let the passion/zeal die 
4. Recognize that silence can be an intimate place with God
5. Keep talking to God

5. When was God silent in the Bible

1. Job suffered many horrific troubles. Chapters 1-37 God is silent, He finally speaks in chapter 38. That's a lot of time! 
2. David's life, through the Psalms, we read Him crying out for God to speak and work on his behalf. His enemies even mocked Him because God was silent. We also that God never left His side. 
3. Hannah prayed for a child and God's silence was reflected in her barrenness. God opens and closes the womb in scripture. He speaks as Hannah and Elkanah conceive Samuel the Prophet. 
4. When Mary and Martha called fro Jesus to heal their brother Lazarus who was sick. Jesus didn't move for two days, by then Lazarus was dead. They may have felt neglected. When they all thought all was lost, Jesus spoke, "Lazarus, come forth." Lazarus, still wrapped in burial wraps came back to life. 
5. The woman caught in the very act of adultery, stood before a crowd ready to stone her to death for her sin. Jesus, the only one who could have rightfully judged and condemned her, was silent as He wrote on the floor. There in the presence of Jesus' silence, as she waited to die, all her accusers left, one by one. And then He spoke, "Go, and sin no more."
6. From the last word in the book of Malachi to the first word spoken in the book of Matthew, God was silent. That is 400 years, making that the longest period of time that God was silent. Imagine living your entire existence without ever hearing from God. The time of greatest silence was needed in order for God to do His greatest work. He became man and died the worst death, that today we would be able to live. 

Close: 

* Silence can be likened to being stranded in a desert. 

* "The desert is fertile ground for our spiritual transformation and for God's grace to be revealed in magnificent ways." -Bianca Juarez 

* Every season of our lives is to be accepted as a gift from God. Even the seasons of silence.
Embrace this season.

Invitation: 
* Hosea 6:1-3, "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.” 

• The rains in early spring was extremely important. If it did not rain in the spring, the land would not bear fruit that would sustain them in the seasons of drought and winter. 
• God promises that when we pursue Him, He will be to us the dew of Israel, watering (the Holy Spirit work through the application of His Word) our lives so that we can bear much fruit and yes, even faith for the seasons of silence.

*Hosea 10:12, "Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Break up the fallow and hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you.

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There you have it. I pray that Lord may have spoken to you, as He spoke to me these lessons. If you need prayer, shoot me an email [livingasalily@gmail.com]. May the Lord guard your heart and mind as you seek Him in the silence.

Last week at Uth Camp as the girls sat in silence. 

sentence tuesday

Our greatest need as Christians is for

the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. 

-Raquel Rodriguez

{photo credit}

birthday surprise! It's Marilyn.

Happy Monday! 
Today's post comes from Marilyn. In short, Marilyn is an anointed worship leader, fabulous cosmetologist, and a wonderful example of godliness. Yup, she's a diamond in the ruff and I am blessed to call her friend. May the Lord bless you and speak wisdom into your life through one of my favorite passages and this encouraging post. 

It’s never to late!

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 But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” Ruth 1:16-17

This passage is known to many as "one of the most beautiful statements of commitment in History".  It is known as such not only because it was said from Ruth to Naomi (widowed and had lost her sons, one being Ruth's husband), but also because Ruth made this commitment to God. She spoke this covenant at a time where anyone else would have thrown the towel in. After much hardship and tragedy in her life, Ruth was left with nothing but her bitter mother-in-law and a sister-in-law who decided to go back to the land of Moab, which was her home.

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I think most, if not all of us, know the story of Naomi and Ruth, which, as I mentioned previously, had lost their spouses. Ruth followed Naomi to Bethlehem where she met Boaz, who was a relative of Naomi's husband and a man of great wealth. Boaz found favor in Ruth and was able to redeem Ruth as his wife after receiving a property settlement that Naomi had sold. Only after a relative who was next in line to possess the property chose to not redeem it because it required marrying Ruth. Long story short, Ruth and Boaz married and conceived Obed who was the father of Jesse, who was the Father of David, who was one of the greatest kings of Israel, writer of the Psalms, etc.

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While going through this story and asking God for guidance in this post, one thing became evident to me: It's Never Too Late, everything is In God's Time! In looking back to the things we've gone through, we notice that we may have grown sad or bitter. It may be the very thing we are going through at this moment that causes us to panic, because there's a burden that has come along with it and doesn't allow us to leave this situation completely in God's hands. The good news is that the same God that was with Naomi and Ruth in their "desert time" is here with us, ready to give the best of what He has prepared for us, His children. All He asks is that we believe in our hearts and minds as stated in Jeremiah 29:11-13

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For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

I emphasize on this point today because sometimes we only put those "burdens" in a back burner. We try to move on in life, even to the point of “doing things for God” without having completely surrendered. We see those same things brought to our "attention" again in the most random moments that cause us to lose focus on what's most important in life: our constant devotion to God, who brings us all the things that will EVER matter in life,  
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But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

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Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this. Psalm 37:4-5

In reading verses 16 & 17 of Ruth 1, I can almost imagine Ruth wiping her tears and taking a deep breath knowing that she had to let go of all that she once knew. She made a choice to put all her trust and faith in God as she spoke those words out loud! There's nothing too hard for God, AT ALL. I encourage you to take some quiet time to meditate and empty yourself wholly to God. In that complete intimacy He will fill you with all that He has. As you go day by day living proactively for Him you will never need look back in regret and instead look forward with a cheerful heart.

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tassels

 Again the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, “Speak to the children of Israel: Tell them to make tassels on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and to put a blue thread in the tassels of the corners. And you shall have the tassel, that you may look upon it and remember all the commandments of the LORD and do them, and that you may not follow the harlotry to which your own heart and your own eyes are inclined, and that you may remember and do all My commandments, and be holy for your God. I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, to be your God: I am the LORD your God.” Numbers 15:37-41

When you see someone wearing a specific item you know a little bit of who they are or what they do:
Superheroes wear tights and capes.
Cops wear badges.
Buddist Monks wear robes.
Scottish Men wear kilts.
Chefs wear aprons.
Muslim Women wear hijabs.
Athletes wear uniforms.
Soccer Moms wear khaki capris, polo shirts and keds.
and in this case: God's chosen people wore tassels.

These tassels not only served as a reminder to the Jews of all that God had done for them but also to distinguish them from the Gentiles. As a Christian today, what sets you apart as God's beloved? As I read this passage tonight, I stopped and wondered, is it noticable that I am a Christian or do I blend in with this world? Do my actions set me apart? Does my speech? How about my spending? Or in the way I relate to food, drinking and bodily intake? Do the clothes I wear bring honor to God?... Does my life shout to the world that I am set apart for God? Does my life reflect holiness?

As I reflected deeper, two scriptures came to mind:

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:3

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

If I am abiding with Christ, obeying God's word and truly submitting myself to God's perfect will, soon enough the fruits of the Spirit begin to flow in and through my life. Without a doubt in my mind when we, God's people, live the kind of life that is saturared with the fruits of the Spirit (of pure joy, of peace, longsuffering, goodness to all, faithfulness in all that we do, with self control) the world will know that we are different; a chosen generation, God's special people, a holy nation.

I encourage you to live in such a way that the fruits of the Spirit would grow on us as tassels. My prayer is that others would see these "tassels" flowing in and through our lives and know for sure that we are set apart and that we belong to God. May everything about our being reflect Jesus.

*Click here for Matthew Henry's Commentary on Numbers 15.

college & career group

Flee also youthful lusts;

but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace

with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

As I have shared with you all a few days ago, the Lord has been answering prayers, doing new things and He has me in the middle of it all. I will share a little bit of that today. A month ago I met at a local Starbucks with friends, acquaintances and strangers. We all shared our testimonies and then headed to my home for a lovely time of worship. That night a lot of things began to make sense and fall into place. It was as if God was finally removing the blindfold and I was able to see why He had me waiting on blind faith.

For quite some time I (along with many others) had been praying for a College & Career group (C&C) to start at my home church. Mainly my prayer was for God to rise up godly men with the calling and anointing for this ministry need. It took sometime, but God answered. That night at Starbucks I was filled with joy to see the fervent love and zeal that these men have for my Jesus. That night my prayer changed to praise with thanksgiving.

I had been praying waiting (for what seemed like eternity) on God’s call to rise and spring forth. He promised a road in the wilderness and a river in the desert. Up until the Starbucks night I thought the Lord was going to send me out to do long term mission’s work but I didn’t have peace and felt the Lord telling me not now. That night I prayed for God to confirm to me if C&C is where He wanted me until He called me out to a new adventure. Immediately He spoke and confirmed.

So let’s fast forward now a month later… The guys that God has called to this ministry are the real deal- prayer warriors; saturated in the Holy Spirit and gleaning in God’s word daily… they love God and love people. As I taste and see the Lord’s goodness I am truly humbled by His faithfulness. 2 Timothy 2:22 has taken a new meaning. I am a witness to a group of young men and young women who hunger and thirst for more of God’s Word. Week after week more people come, to the point that we have outgrown my home.

My heart is overwhelmed and excited with all that the Lord is doing through four people who are head over heels in love with God. I am stoked for what He has yet to do. We have amazing Pastors that are so helpful, loving, patient and encouraging. I have to be honest with you, when I take a step back and look at the people He has chosen for this task I can’t help but laugh, mostly at myself! He definitely chooses the foolish things of this world, lol- that’s how we know that this is not by our strength, by wit or charm but ONLY by His precious, glorious, holy and majestic Spirit.

Keep us in prayer and as the days, weeks, months roll by I will keep you posted.

These aren't current pictures.

my friends that call on the Lord out of pure hearts :-)

A Lily torn by thorns- part two

Being confident of this very thing,

that He who has begun a good work in you

will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6

My dearest and beloved Readers, thank you for allowing my story to enter your hearts. He is mighty to save and as you will read today, mighty to heal. Picking it up where we left off...

I could easily tell you that from that day on I became the godliest woman alive, who saturated her life day and night with the Word of God and that I had been cured for good, but that would be a lie. As for the Anorexia, I hid that ugly truth for anyone and everyone. I began to eat slowly with small portions and eventually was eating full meals again. I soon began to notice the sudden weight gain due to the lack of food in my body but I was going to be ruthless with this sin and not go back to that horrible lifestyle.

There was a sudden joy in my eyes that others began to notice and draw near to. For the first time in my whole life I worshipped God in song. I discovered the freedom found in worship. During church I couldn't wait to lift my hands up and adore the One who gave me life abundantly. For the slower songs, the worship leader would ask people to be seated but I couldn't, so to my knees I would fall in surrender. I quickly made myself a cd of worship music and everyday for an hour I would lock myself in my room and have a date with God. I would read everyday consistently. In one night, right after my surrender I read the book of Ruth four times, Esther once and Song of Songs one time (that's when I called it a night, lol). I was in love. All I wanted was to spend each and every moment with Jesus.

With time though, the honeymoon was over... more like I drifted away. In the time span of almost three years I allowed myself to leave my first love. I had planned many nights to run away from home. I felt like a prisoner because of my Parent’s strict rules and so I sought refuge in my old ways, rebellion, and bad company. I was apathetic and not reading my Bible as much. I was cursing again and found myself surrounded with a different crowd. Though I wasn’t dealing drugs anymore, my friends were now the ones consuming. I didn’t abandon God entirely, how could I after all, He had come through for me as a knight in shinning armor? So, I did the Christian thing and shared with my friends the good message of Jesus Christ. Upon their rejection of the Gospel I was so upset, looking back though I realize that I would have never “won” them over when I was acting just like them, nothing about me appeared to be different from them. Instead of being the good influence, I had been the one influenced by my friends, and not for the good. But since I had no relationship with my Parents, barely an existing one with my siblings, my friends was all I had. They had become my new obsession.

During this time, God continued to pursue me. He not once gave up on me. His pursuit was subtle. He was a perfect gentleman. He knew me so well that He sent Margaret my way, knowing that I would listen to someone who had trotted a similar road to mine. With her great motherly instincts, Margaret was able to read right through me. And for once, I came across someone whom I couldn’t lie to. Without her knowing, the Lord used her to spark one of the greatest arguments between God and I. Yes, you read right. I still argue with God… though I go into the fight knowing that I am not going to win. Margaret was leading a group I was in and that night we studied John 15:1-8*. At the end of the study, she gave us a challenge based on John 15:2. We were asked us to pray and seek of the Lord the branch or branches in our lives that were not bearing fruit, and the challenge was cut it off with God’s help.

All puffed up with pride I prayed in this manner, “Lord, I recently asked Papi to forgive me for my bad attitude, my rebelliousness and for all the pain I have caused him. That was my only bad branch. Seriously God, I have no branch that needs to be pruned or cut.” HA! I can only laugh at my foolishness. I don’t think a minute had gone by when I felt the prompting of the Lord, “Give me your friends.” My first thought, “You’re crazy.” I was serious, and war had just broken out. I pretty much told God that night that I didn’t want to hear it. He had given me those friends and there was no way that I was about to give up the only people that were there for me. The audacity I had is ridiculous. Later that night I put an offer on the table for God, “Well, I guess I’m not such a saint. What else besides my friends would you like from me?” But God wasn’t about to compromise his will to please me. I needed to please Him without compromise. And that’s when I told him that even though I appreciated all that He had done for me I could not continue with Him if what He required of me was my friends.

My struggle to please God and please myself was terribly unsuccessful. I was miserable fighting with God. I acknowledged how wrong I was but my pride would not give in to God. Not only that but I also feared life without my friends, I would once again be left alone, unnoticed and without accountability. I feared that without my friends, I would return to a life of Anorexia. The cost of giving up my friends was too high and I could not afford it. But God- I love those God moments- even in my battle against His will and desire, He continued to allure me.

There was a Christian concert that my family was attending. We had some pretty nice seats and excited we were. That was until we realized that they had sold us more seats than were in the row. Two of us would have to sit elsewhere. My sister and I got the boot and we had to sit pretty far up. God was on the move and I didn’t even know it. During one of the songs the lady next to me turned to me and said that God has a message for me. She said, “God wants to use you but you first have to give to Him what He is asking of you.” She helped unveil my eyes as God spoke through her. I knew then that it was the true living God calling out to me. She prayed with me. That night I surrendered my friendships to God.

I didn’t want to break up with my friends in a way that would spoil a future relationship between them and God, so I prayed that He would be the one to dissolve the relationships. And He faithfully did. One by one, everyone went on their merry way. I did have to put a stop to one destructive friendship once and for all. Was it hard? I was torn but it wasn’t as painful as I thought. The once so popular Raquel was found alone again. And though I did have peace about my decision I still cried for a week I cried, desperate for God to fill this gap. God bandaged my wounds, but I’ll tell you more about that tomorrow.

This was one of the many branches that God either pruned or cut off. But this specific branch was the engine starter for the ultimate ride with my Jesus.

* Click here to read John 15:1-8