Birthday Surprise! It's Priscilla

Happy Tuesday. Two years ago my friend Priscilla shared with us on taking leaps of faith, click HERE to read. Today she shares with us her greatest joy, being a mommy. A beautiful post this is and a lovely read for soon to be mommies! Without further ado, here is Priscilla. 

photo credit 

Unconditional LoveThe word unconditional means not limited in any way: complete and absolute.

Jesus’ love for us is unconditional, He clearly portrayed that love to us on the cross. 

A mother’s love for her child is unconditional. It is complete and absolute just like the Father’s love towards us. A mother’s job is never ending, it goes on all day and all night. A mother has no vacations, no time off and no sick days. With each new day, a mothers love and responsibility will grow deeper and deeper. Motherhood is a blessing.
When I woke up on the morning of February 28th, I had no idea that my life would forever change. I was 38 weeks pregnant and I was going in for a routine checkup with my doctor before heading to work.

I wasn't ready for what my doctor was about to tell me. My blood pressure and weight had spiked up in the last week and I had developed something called preeclampsia. I knew I was swollen but I had no idea how serious it was. My doctor ordered me to go home, grab my bags and head to the hospital for an induction. I remember being so scared. I was crying and panicking because I wasn't ready, I still had 2 weeks left! I needed more time!

10 or so hours of labor later, at 11:52 that night, I was carrying my baby girl safely in my arms. My heart began to flood with feelings and emotions that I had never felt before. So much love, joy, peace and excitement. I have a daughter, I am a mother. I began sobbing. I knew that I had received the greatest blessing. I never wanted to let her go. I had so much respect and admiration for all moms, especially mine. I leaned over and gave her a tight hug and thanked her for bringing me into this world. I had so much love for my husband and so much more love for God. My heart was full! I felt that unconditional love.

The next few weeks were, by far, the most exciting and challenging. I was in a lot of pain, physically, but my spirit was so joyful and full of love for my little family. I was very sleep deprived but I didn’t seem to care. Things that were once important to me were no longer important. My daughter’s well being was at the top of my list.

On Thanksgiving day, my sweet little Abigail Ruth will be nine months old. These last few months have been the most rewarding and the most challenging months for me as a new mom. Moving to a new town when Abby was just a few months old, transitioning from being a working mom to being a stay at home mom, and being away from loved ones. To know that you are needed by someone 24 hours a day can be challenging, but I wouldn’t trade being a mom for the world. It is a huge blessing and a privilege that many cannot have.

My number one priority is to please God and to be a godly wife and mother. I want my daughter to live for Jesus.I pray that she accepts the Lord into her little heart and that she experiences His unconditional love and that she lives to please Him. I pray that she becomes a strong, God fearing woman. As crazy as it may sound to some, I pray for her husband. I pray that the Lord will send her a godly man who will love and respect her. Finally, I pray that the Lord will continue to give me and Pedro the wisdom and strength to raise our daughter in His ways so that she may honor Him in everything that she does.

Abigail Ruth is our gift from the Lord and I love her unconditionally. I love being her Mama and I’m so thankful that the Lord chose me and Pedro to be her parents. 

Priscilla and Abby

little Abigail Ruth "Abby"

Lyrical Friday - Joyful

Yay for Friday!
This Lyrical Friday post is Joyful by Brenton Brown. If you are a bit down and out this song is sure to pick you right up. God is so faithful and amazing. If you are weak, run to God who can fill you with strength. Are you feeling empty, run to God who can fill you with life. Are you in found in darkness and despair, run to God who is light. Whatever it may be that you are lacking, run to God who is the giver of every good and perfect gift- He completes you. May the lyrics of this song wet your appetite for worship. May you run to Jesus and bask in His joy, love and peace.

Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day He carries us in his arms. 

Our God is a God who saves! The Sovereign LORD rescues us from death. Psalm 68:19-20

Joyful, Brenton Brown 

college & career group

Flee also youthful lusts;

but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace

with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

As I have shared with you all a few days ago, the Lord has been answering prayers, doing new things and He has me in the middle of it all. I will share a little bit of that today. A month ago I met at a local Starbucks with friends, acquaintances and strangers. We all shared our testimonies and then headed to my home for a lovely time of worship. That night a lot of things began to make sense and fall into place. It was as if God was finally removing the blindfold and I was able to see why He had me waiting on blind faith.

For quite some time I (along with many others) had been praying for a College & Career group (C&C) to start at my home church. Mainly my prayer was for God to rise up godly men with the calling and anointing for this ministry need. It took sometime, but God answered. That night at Starbucks I was filled with joy to see the fervent love and zeal that these men have for my Jesus. That night my prayer changed to praise with thanksgiving.

I had been praying waiting (for what seemed like eternity) on God’s call to rise and spring forth. He promised a road in the wilderness and a river in the desert. Up until the Starbucks night I thought the Lord was going to send me out to do long term mission’s work but I didn’t have peace and felt the Lord telling me not now. That night I prayed for God to confirm to me if C&C is where He wanted me until He called me out to a new adventure. Immediately He spoke and confirmed.

So let’s fast forward now a month later… The guys that God has called to this ministry are the real deal- prayer warriors; saturated in the Holy Spirit and gleaning in God’s word daily… they love God and love people. As I taste and see the Lord’s goodness I am truly humbled by His faithfulness. 2 Timothy 2:22 has taken a new meaning. I am a witness to a group of young men and young women who hunger and thirst for more of God’s Word. Week after week more people come, to the point that we have outgrown my home.

My heart is overwhelmed and excited with all that the Lord is doing through four people who are head over heels in love with God. I am stoked for what He has yet to do. We have amazing Pastors that are so helpful, loving, patient and encouraging. I have to be honest with you, when I take a step back and look at the people He has chosen for this task I can’t help but laugh, mostly at myself! He definitely chooses the foolish things of this world, lol- that’s how we know that this is not by our strength, by wit or charm but ONLY by His precious, glorious, holy and majestic Spirit.

Keep us in prayer and as the days, weeks, months roll by I will keep you posted.

These aren't current pictures.

my friends that call on the Lord out of pure hearts :-)

The Heartbroken Lily- part 4

Praise the LORD!

For it is good to sing praises to our God;

For it is pleasant, and praise is beautiful. 

The LORD builds up Jerusalem;

He gathers together the outcasts of Israel.

He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:1-3

I can not thank you enough. I think today's post will be the hardest one yet. It will be like digging into a grave that I buried my heart breaking memories. None the less, it is through those heartaches that I have come to know God as my healer, comforter, and God of wonders. I have come to know God the Father in a very intimate way through these hard times. I would be limiting God's amazing glory by sharing only the great joys in my life. I have a need to expose my hurts and pain because it is in those dark moments that God’s amazing glory did shine the brightest. The stories I will share will not coincide necessarily with the time frame of parts one - three of my testimony but is more of a beautifully broken medley of God's redeeming love.

I shared with you that though I had claimed to be a Christian I had not been living the life of a Christ follower. Sure, I shared Christ with people, but my actions washed out my words. There is power in the Holy Spirit, and at times, I felt a tug at my heart and I knew that it was the Spirit of God telling to share Christ with someone. At times I would, but at other moments the fear or rejection, of being mocked and of appearing too religious held me back from speaking. Afterwards, I would go through the world's worst guilt trip for not doing so. One Friday, I felt a heavy burden to speak to a friend of mine about Jesus, and about the hope found in Him. God’s message was very clear. It was as if God wanted me to speak only about hope. But, I was uneasy with sharing God's hope to her. It turned out that we would spend the entire day together. For a second time, the Lord told me to talk to her. I neglected to do so one more time. Again and again, throughout the day the Lord kept prompting me to speak to her. I spent a good 6 hours with her engaged in conversation and what not but I did not speak to her. Afterwards, I felt horrible because I knew what I had to do and didn’t do it. “Next time Lord,” is what I said to Him. She committed suicide that night.

I have made many terrible decisions, but to me, none can be worse than this one. Through many words of comfort, I was reminded that she made this decision on her own to take her life. But the doubt that if I had said something to her she could have possibly still be alive today. I have never been able to surrender this guilt fully. A part of me finds comfort in holding myself accountable for her death. I still drive by where she committed suicide and just cry till I can’t cry anymore. After her death, life for me changed forever. I promised the Lord to be obedient to His prompting and to speak boldly. However, this was not going to change the fact that she wasn’t here. I couldn’t sleep for a very long time. I would have dreams of her asking me why I never shared Jesus with her. What helped was God’s divine grace. He bandaged my wound with the help of my family and friends. A friend from church bought me a pillow to cry on, a journal to vent and a book* that helped me get back on track and be a courageous witness to the lost. The day of her funeral I had written a poem dedicated to her. I gave it to her grieving parents.

There is one more death that I have bottled up inside and probably the most difficult one to talk about. And if you are somewhat close to me, you know that if it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t be writing about this. This Sunday, December the 6th will be five years since my Grandfather went to be with the Lord. As if I didn’t cry enough about Susie’s suicide, writing about Abuelito is shredding me to pieces. His death is the deepest wound I have. Far deeper than the suicide, far deeper than walking away from my first love, far deeper than the most horrific experiences I had. Death is so final.

Abuelito to me was my earthly Prince. He would always remind me of how I was his favorite grandchild. He always commended me on being strong willed, and of a rough character. He would always smile at me when I would stand up for myself. He spoiled me with love. He let me get away with anything. He would let me light up his cigarettes as a child. And often times he would leave me a beer under the dinning table, knowing full well that Mami would get upset at Him. I loved rubbing his bald head and his belly. I loved his hands and his feet. He was the funniest man I knew and will ever know. But he was also, one of the godliest too. He knew the Bible, every story, every word. He taught me to love cheese, Häagen-Dazs ice cream and the New York Yankees. He was a hard working man. His death was very sudden. And even though I have all these wonferful memories to keep his memory alive in me, I still am mourning his death, I think I always will.

The night before He went to be with the Lord, my Grandmother had called me to ask if I could take Abuelito to his doctor’s appointment the next morning. She told me the time and I agreed to pick Him up since it was going to be my day off. The morning came and I was running late to go pick him up. That’s when I got the phone call from my Grandmother. She was panicking and I couldn’t understand what she was saying. All I could make out was, “Pedrito! Ay Pedrito! Corre!” in English it would be, “Pedrito! Oh my goodness, Pedrito! Hurry!” I ran to my Mother’s room, she was getting dressed. I yelled that something was wrong with Abuelito and we rushed over to their house. On the way we called an Ambulance to meet us there. When we arrived we found that a neighbor had already called 911. I watched the limb body of my Grandfather as He lay on the floor. The Paramedics were resuscitating him. My Grandmother was freaking out, Mami was hysterical and my baby cousin could not stop crying. I was motionless. I felt as if my life was being taken from me. All I could think was, “Raquel, why didn’t you pick Him up on time??? You could have had him at the clinic the time the heart attack happened.” Within minutes he released all his body fluids and I knew very well what that meant. But I wasn’t going to lose hope; the paramedics rushed Him to the Hospital.

At 11 am, that Monday morning they doctors signed him off as dead. At the least I know he didn’t suffer. I have never been able to forgive myself for this. Nor have been able to forgive myself for the pain I have caused my entire family with this great loss. I could have been there earlier, with time to spare but I wasn’t. It took me a very long time to return to my Grandmother’s house. Still today I go back there and I remember vividly Abuelito on the floor, lifeless. I am so overcome with guilt that I can’t even stand being around my own Grandmother, because I feel that I have failed her and caused her so much grief. Maybe I sink into guilt because it will offer me a temporary explanation for Abuelito’s death, when I can’t understand why He had to die. And even though, I may never be able to overcome Abuelito’s death, knowing that He is in Heaven enjoying the presence of the Lord gives me great joy. Without a doubt, I know He is with the Lord. And yes, this year he had God help the New York Yankees win the World Series, lol.

God has sustained me through both of these terrible experiences, along with other heartaches that maybe someday I will share with you. Though I have had a hard time forgiving myself, I bask in the forgiveness of God and find peace and security there. The Lord gave me two great verses that constantly console me, when guilt seems to creep in:

“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, and they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

December the 10th 2004, I have recorded in my journal verses that the Lord gave me to comfort me through the book of Isaiah** after Abuelito's death.

These heart aches, scars and memories that I have endured are what unite me to everyone else. We all hurt, we all cried and we all lose something or someone we love at one point or another. But we have a great God that can work out everything for our good. In the words of Ken Graves, “pain is our teacher.” I have known the pain of losing someone to eternal damnation, a pain that our Father must suffer too often. I have known the pain of momentary loss, like God submitted himself to when Jesus paid our debt in the pits of Hell. I have known rejection, humiliation, mockery like my Jesus has known when I share Christ and He is rejected. But I have also known the joy of seeing a friend come to Christ. I have known the joy of knowing that I will see Abuelito face to face. I have known the joy of walking with the Lord and I am not letting go.

I invite you to return to my blog tomorrow Friday, for the conclusion of this Lily story.

*Click here for the book

** Click here for verses in Isaiah that comforted me

More than a haircut

One thing I absolutely fear is getting a haircut. The thought alone of a bad haircut makes me nervous. Thank God I have a wonderful "hair lady" named Gina that I trust with my life... well, the life of my hair that is. Besides her, I have no one to trust, not even myself. I must confess though, I did cheat on Gina, but only once and believe me my hair paid the price.

This week I stopped by the hair salon and placed my beloved locks in the hands of the master, the big kajuna, the great Gina. I came in and without a word she knew why I was there and what she would do. Without any hesitation from my part I sat at the hot seat and surrendered over my life to her... that is, the life of my hair. For the next 15 minutes I without shame, eavesdropped on a few conversations around the salon. I then proceeded to watched a little bit of the tv program they had on, replied to a few text messages and then it hit me: this is more than a haircut, it's a picture of me and my God!

So, the question came to me, "Do I trust God, my Creator, my Savior, my friend with my life like I trust Gina with my hair? Think about it, I walked in to her presence with ease. I then sat at her seat. I trust no one but her. When she began working on me I didn't hesitate, worry or become anxious with what she was doing... I simply let her do her thing. Have I given God that much control of my life? Can I walk into His presence with great confidence? Do I sit with Him and spend time chatting with God like I do with Gina? Do I trust Him and Him alone with my life? How is it then that I worry, when He who holds my precious life, will only do good for me all the days of my life?

Another question came to mind, "Am I allowing God to chisle away those areas in my life that are dead, wasting away and/or dishonoring Him? Geez, if I allow Gina to cut away all the dead ends and even more how can I not let the God who created me and knows what's best for me prune away those areas that He sees need to be cut off? The more of Me He removes,the more I begin to look like Him.

Jesus should be our Master, our Big Kajuna, our Great God- at ALL times. Living as a Lily among thorns is a challange that requires pruning every so often, more often than anything. Allow the Lord to be that hair dresser that transforms you from dull to radiant. Trust that He knows what He is doing. And if you don't understand what He is doing trust that the end product will be worth the wait. Surrender total control to Him, today!

Going back to my haircut. Gina did what she has always done successfully, she gave me a fanta-bulous haircut. Needless to say, she is a keeper!

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Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Abide in Me [God], and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. -John 15:2,4
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She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. -Proverbs 31:25
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Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. -Hebrews 12:11
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But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. *2 Corinthians 3:18