Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 3

Happy Friday Lovely! Today we read part three of Nicki's . And boy is it a treasure! As I read it last night, I was lost in a sea of tears. My heart and spirit connected with her words and I will never be the same. I am confident that her testimonies have, in a special way, reached your heart and drawn you closer to our precious Jesus. Thank You Mzungu for taking us with you through your journey!

photo credit 

She quietly stood by my side as I was quieting a baby in the back of the church. She said no words. She had no glimpse of emotion on her face. She just stood. All she was in that moment was a fearless young girl standing next to this mzungu awaiting the chance for my hand to drop to my side so that she could grab it. Once that happens, she will be mine until she leaves this place because she doesn’t want to take the chance that another child will take the place on my lap; or, until mum calls her.

I used to think it was the great work to hold onto these kids with the desire to never let go. It was in those moments I could hold on tight while praying over them, their families, and their circumstances. I’d cherish these moments.

This moment was different though. Before I got the chance to begin to pray, before I was able to whisper something beautiful over her, Mama Scovia called little Jovan away. She looked my way with an innocent smile and waved to me. She was gone before I knew it, on her way over to Sunday school with her older sister. My moment was over. Jovan was with me for just a few minutes. We smiled together and ate a sweetie (candy) and cleaned each other’s hands with sanitizer. And just when our moment was over, as she ran over to her mum, I was reminded that the act of holding must be an act of release.

I think that’s the way of this world – the part I have trouble with. We cherish what we must somehow release.

I wanted to hold on to little Jovan forever. I want to hold on to God’s children and love His people to the best of my ability. After all, God has given me this desire, right?

I used to think it was the great work to do this, until I realized there’s a greater work—seeing it through God’s view. It’s one thing to be able to hold people secure in your arms, in your heart, and in your thoughts about them and never wanting to let that go. But the reality is that we must.

God loves us. He loves us to no end. He released His Son into a desperate world. I think about the cross, and how in that moment of Christ sacrificing Himself, He was releasing us from the embrace of the world into the embrace of God.

There’s a connection, I think, with an offering and the release.

What I mean is that if we hold these things, these moments, too tightly, we can’t make the gesture of offering. In doing this, we can’t do the greater work. The work of loving so deeply and securely that we actually release our hold on what it is that we love so much. By holding onto something too closely, we lose the opportunity to see it as a gift, which I believe actually hinders us from being able to offer praise back to the Giver.

If we hold onto something too closely, we miss the greater work of love.

“Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name.” –Hebrews 13:15

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013 // There's little Jati!
read about Jati HERE 

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

followthenicki.com Nicki in Uganda, 2013

FollowTheNicki.com 

and read Nicki's chronicles during her stay in Uganda

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 2

Happy Wednesday! Welcome back to the Birthday Series to read part 2 of Nicki's journey.  Get your passport ready, pack your bag, and bon voyage ... you're off to Gulu, Uganda!

photo credit 

I've never told the bathtub story.

There was a tub. That’s all it was though—an empty beige bathtub with a handheld faucet. My first instinct was, “Damn, I’m going to make a disastrous mess every time I bathe.” I pictured a flood of murky water seeping down the hall into my room. (Which actually happened one morning, but it wasn't my fault, I swear!) Ministry in Uganda is a dirty business; dusty feet, orange-tainted clothes, wash my long hair two or three times just for it to feel clean and the water not be brown, kind of dirty.

Then, there was this one day. This overwhelming, slap-in-the-face, type of day. The kind of day where I prayed on the boda boda (motorcycle taxi) all the way home that I would have enough connection to call my mom and listen to her wisdom. With the time difference I had to wait for her to wake up, of course! It was one of those days where trusting in this great big God of mine, the Creator and Savior of the universe, was harder than getting on that same boda boda with a skirt (NOT easy, people).

It was on this day, in Gulu, Uganda. From one moment to the next, I found myself fully clothed and in fetal position, crying my eyes out for almost three hours… inside of this tub. For that brief time, my world sort of froze. I felt as though it hadn't completely shattered, but it was slightly tilted a little too far over for my comfort, and all I found myself doing was trying to find some sort of balance for my heart, to where it wouldn't topple over and break completely.

I had effectively lost my grip. Had I forgotten what to expect? Had I let my emotions run too deep? Maybe, just maybe I expected too much from someone who was unstable to begin with? How could anyone just leave them? Literally just abandon them in front of my face.

Obviously, God knew the answers to all of the million questions racing through my head.

Here’s the thing— I often wonder how my thoughts towards this world, our duties, this life— how it all would really be to me if I hadn't met Patience and Andrew. While in Uganda, I got a small glimpse into the life of being a mom. I experienced first-hand dealing with the struggles of my kids on a daily basis. I dealt with the personalities accompanied by the attitudes. I saw joy and innocence as well as the hurt and suffering that no child should ever have to experience. It was in the midst of caring for these two precious lives though, that God truly stretched me farther than I ever thought imaginable.

I dealt with their birth mother. She was younger than I with a total of six children. The twins were the youngest of them all at two years old. She was sick. They were starving, literally. And I was found in the mix because God purposefully had me there in Gulu Babies Home on this very same day. She left them there. In that moment, she chose addiction as she walked away from me with her skinny toddlers crying in my arms.

In this moment, curled up in that bathtub, for the first time ever, I actually doubted “purpose”. Has that ever happened to you? Maybe you've never found yourself sitting alone in a tub, but has God ever thrown a curve-ball to you so fast that—forget not even seeing it come—you were just left questioning “is this even real?”

Wisdom from my mom helped only for the moment. The solace provided by roommates, the same.

“God, did I really just experience this? Were these kids that I just grew to love just left behind by their own mother?”

It was in that bathtub that I realized I was trying to remind God of the things He promised to us—telling Him that He was doing it all wrong. Funny right? I didn't think so.

Firmly holding onto God’s promises in the midst of hardship can be a powerful experience. Did I fully trust God at His Word? Definitely not in that moment. I will humbly admit that I had a moment of relapse, but God graciously allowed me to stumble over myself, feel the hurt and vulnerability that He knew I needed, and give me the strength to pick myself back up and make a difference.

He knew.

He allowed the circumstances around me to take place. He didn't feel bad for me, but instead He entrusted me with the blessing of being a part of the beautiful rescue mission that was about to take place in the lives of my twins. Clearly, in my own life as well.

Please be encouraged today in knowing that God’s promises are true. We are loved by a God who is forgiveness, mercy, grace, faithfulness, strength and love. It’s a reminder I need EVERY SINGLE DAY.

And with that truth stored away in my heart, the only purpose for a bathtub from now on is solely to relax! 

Patience, Nicki, and Andrew, first time ever walking in 2 years.
Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise! It's Nicole. part 1

Happy Monday and welcome back to the Birthday Surprise series. Today we welcome back Nicki, or as I now call her Mzungu (white girl). Last year Nicki shared on the Birthday Series about her two week trip to Uganda ( read here part 1 and part 2). Since then, she returned to Uganda for a much longer visit and chronicled her thoughts at FollowtheNicki.com. If you're up for some serious life changing reads, go visit the links. Without further ado, scroll down for the first of three posts by our favorite Mzungu. 

photo credit

Hi everyone!

You know some things I love? Birthdays, for one, so happy 4^th birthday, blog!!  I also love getting to hang out and share some words here on Rak’s space. I love her loud, hilarious, creative and insightful heart, and it’s a joy to share here at her blog. Even better—she asked me to talk Uganda for a few posts! I’m excited by that and I pray you take away some encouragement from this week’s posts with whatever the Lord wants to share with you. So off we go…

  

May 1, 2013 I stepped on a plane bound for Entebbe, Uganda without a clue as to what God had in store for me. He knew.

Questions raged from others on whether this was where God was “really” calling me and for how long. Only He knew.

I had only previously spent two rapid weeks in Uganda less than 9 months before this time. I knew close to nothing about what culture would be like, how awkward the ever-changing weather would be, or how difficult it would be to survive on my own cooking for four months. He knew.

He knew the hardships, the bouts of loneliness, and the depths of intimacy and vulnerability that I would experience. He knew the place I had just walked through with wounds and bruises, and a slightly bleeding heart, and He knew where He needed to take me.

My God knows me. He also knows my absolute confidence when I say that my heart and my life have been utterly transformed because of this crazy leap I took to leave the familiar and cross into the unknown—alone. I am still in awe of the privilege I have been given to share life and ministry with the people of Uganda. The capacity in which I had ever previously served God was easily eclipsed by the glow of relationships birthed, the experience of working alongside churches, ministries and in homes, and the joy of seeing a lost and hurting heart being made alive in Christ.

There was a point where this role of Nicki ended and where the great and awesomeness of God began. This point was an acknowledgment that in order to truly be safe, protected, happy, secure and fully used, I needed to completely abandon myself before God, Creator and Savior. My everything was in Him. My everything is in Him. Uganda pushed me to see beyond myself, my flesh, and to witness the miraculous love of my God. His thoughts and His plans are way above mine; yours too. He knew what I needed and where I needed to go.

All along, He always knew…

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

photo credit: Nicki, Uganda 2013

Birthday Surprise. It's Nicole. part 2

Welcome back to Nicki's hope story.
Part 1 (click here) was a great read, yet I tell, part 2 will be even better! May the Lord speak mightily to you!
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[photo credit]

Here is a piece of God's hope story: 

She is eight years old. Her brown face contains a smile that can brighten the darkest of moments. Her big black eyes have potential to catch anyone’s attention, and keep it. She is timid at first glance but once she feels comfortable you have nothing more than a young girl full of joy and laughter and smiles dancing around your waist and holding onto your hand for dear life. She is smart, she is kind, and she is beautiful in every way. She has gone through much more difficult struggles in her short eight years than I have in my twenty-two. She is a daughter of the King. She does not know her earthly father, but she is learning to trust in her heavenly one. Her name is Alijati, she is from Kamonkoli, Uganda, and I am her sponsor.

The Lord has used this precious child to teach me lessons I never knew I needed to learn. Lessons on love that go beyond barriers that we put up around ourselves. Lessons on patience and trusting in our God in Heaven that promises to be our strength, our guide, and our help in times of trouble and need. But most importantly, a lesson on how important it is to be obedient to what the Lord is asking of you, in order to not miss out on the will He has for your life.

God had purposed for me and Jati to connect with each other, and because of this and the desire He placed in me to want to do something bigger than myself, her need and my ability intersected. I am able to provide food and education to a worthy child who would have not fully known these things otherwise. And it goes beyond that. In providing for her and being there for her, I am able to give her the opportunity to know Jesus and experience His love and hope in a tangible way; a way that she has never known because of the struggles she's dealt with.

I have my own dreams that start with love and the desire to glorify God, and end with wanting some precious brown faces in Uganda to know about their Father in Heaven who loves them and is intimately acquainted with them. Maybe your hope story isn't a needy child that you can provide for from across the world. Maybe it’s a stranger across the city or a sibling in the next room. My prayer is that our mighty God would strengthen and equip you to do what you may not even know He’s called you to do yet. Allow your ability and the need He places before you to intersect, so that He may be glorified. Open your eyes, open your heart, allow His love to flow through you and watch your hope story, which is really His, unfold right before you.

"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our hope and our shield. 

In Him our hearts rejoice as we trust in His Holy name." Psalm 33:4 

photo of Nicki and Alijati, Uganda 2012

photo of Nicki and Alijati, Uganda 2012

Alijati is the beautiful girl wearing the white top. 

Birthday Surprise. It's Nicole! part 1

Hey Friends. I am so excited for you. Fun, enthusiastic, and sweet are just a few words to describe my friend Nicki. However, it's her contagious love for Jesus that draws others to her. I pray you may be blessed by today's post. Here is part one of a two part series Nicki has titled: Hope Story. 

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[photo credit]

A Hope Story

Despite the fact that so much appears to be so very wrong with this world, all is very right with God's plan for it. Where I see a world full of hatred, selfishness and tragedy, He sees people in desperate need of His love. Where I see families that have been torn apart by wrong decisions, He sees His sons and daughters in desperate need of His grace. Where I see a needy village in the eastern side of Uganda helpless, desperate and both physically and spiritually hungry, He sees a people that are in need of the hope that can only be found in Him. 

I'll be completely transparent with you. Sometimes it’s quite difficult for me to grasp the concept of people not eating a single meal for the day before they lay their head down at night. (I'm grumpy if I even miss having my lunch.) Or, how some kids go to sleep next to goats and chickens because they've been ostracized by their own families due to some treatable illness they may have. The fact of the matter is, this is real and everyday life for so many around the world. These lives that precious in God's eyes, just as much as you are to Him. 

One evening in a time of prayer, I was really struggling with God. As always, He wins, but I love that He even allows me to talk to Him the way that I do sometimes. This evening in particular, I was having the classic case of the "but whys". But why this God and but why that was all that was spewing from my mouth and draining from my heart that night. It wasn't until I finally shut my mouth and left Him room to speak to me that He gracefully just answered me, and with a still quiet voice in my head, I heard, "You tell me why, Nicki. I'm asking you the same questions." 

I literally sat for a couple moments as I so graciously had just received a spiritual slap in the face. You see, just the week before I had returned from a missions trip to eastern Uganda where I witnessed so many of the real and everyday life stories of tragedy, abandonment, hunger... and the list goes on and on. I was battling so much with why these things are going on and how so many were just in desperate need of HOPE. They need a hope in knowing that God has not left them orphaned and widowed, but that they can trust in Him, who will protect them. The same hope in knowing that the God who created the universe, who flung the stars into the night and who knows them each by name, has a purpose and plan for their lives and will provide for their every need as they put their faith and trust in Him. 

So the question begged to be answered, "Why Nicki?" With so many problems in this world and the amount of solutions there are, why are these things still going on and what am I doing about it? 

I was reminded of the passage where God set a beautiful example of not blaming the victim or even the circumstance, but instead He shows that we are called to take action to help those in need of His hope, love, and healing, ultimately for His name to be glorified.

John 9:1-3 "As he walked along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned; he was born blind so that God's works might be revealed in him."

click here for part 2. I promise you, this story of hope will get a whole lot better!!!

picture taken by Nicki , Uganda 2012

photo taken by Nicki, Uganda 2012

photo taken by Nicki, Uganda 2012

photo taken by Nicki, Uganda 2012

photo taken by Nicki, Uganda 2012

Photo taken by Nicki, Uganda 2012