happy 5th birthday blogie

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I know I'm a little late in posting... actually, I've been lost lately.
Much (an not much) has happened in this past year. But I can sum it all with this one verse:

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.” Genesis 15:1

 God led me to do the unexpected. Out of my very mouth unimaginable words poured forth, "I'm stepping down." Say What?!?! Who... Me...  Yes! And there I sat, in tears, knowing that these very words were not spoken by my will but by God's very Spirit.

You see, I'm not an educated person like most of my peers. I didn't go to college. I have no degree, or even an AA. And though I had no title to define me, I was defined by service and ministries.

In a very inconspicuous way, these works were idols in my life. I was going to church to serve, and without notice my attendance for God alone was less and less. Don't get me wrong, I didn't drift from God. On the contrary, my service was for Him. But I was all works and neglectful of my own heart. The words of Jesus echo loudly to me concerning Mary, "But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42.

The next day I sat in my car crying. I doubted that God had spoken through me. I was afraid that this decision was the wrong one. I feared that this decision would affect my youth girls and the various ministries I was involved in. Worst of all, was I trusting God or cowardly running? I wept bitterly. At that moment I knew I needed to hear from God. I read from Jack Hayford's YouVersion Plan, Praise In The Presence of God:

God Is Our Reward
God never demands a sacrifice for the divine pleasure of smelling its aroma or because He needs us to tickle His pride. The objective is our release—our growth.

God asked Abraham to offer Isaac. Not to exploit Abraham’s emotions or to destroy Isaac, but to take away forever Abraham’s fear that God might not have his best interest at heart. Only in worship do we draw close enough to discern God’s true nature and loving heart.

God gave Abraham no immediate monetary reward for worshiping Him, but the reward was immensely grander—God Himself! (Jack Hayford)

After these things the word of the Lord came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. Genesis 15:1

God was asking me that very moment to willingly offer my works. Not to exploit my emotions or to destroy these ministries but to take away forever my fear that God might not have His best interest at heart. It was in fact through this act of worship that I have been able to draw close enough to discern God's nature and loving heart. He has been my shield these past few months, my exceedingly great reward.

The sacrifice was more than just stepping down from serving at church. It meant seeking a place of refuge where He would restore, revive, and renew me. Even I can recognize that old habits don't die so easily. I prayed for God's guidance and He provided such a place. Remember, God's objective through our sacrifice is our growth. And I have been growing. That is something beautiful that can not be taken from me.

I can't put to words all that He has been revealing to me, or even what He is stirring in my heart. But I can tell you this, He is making me new. 

I have been lost with reason. I've been enjoying my reward, God himself.

Anywho, now that I have brought you up to date...CHEERS to the fifth year!

pray more

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"I'm going to pray more."
It's been said before, and often. How did that go?

I can understand the prayer-less life of a person who has never experienced the power of prayer. But to those of us who have experienced the miraculous, the spectacular, the awe-inspiring power of prayer, we have no excuse. What possible excuse could we give to the God who gives all to us?

It has been in my personal time of prayer that I have grown in faith. For it takes faith to believe that God is who He says He is. It takes faith to believe that God hears my prayers. It takes faith to believe that God cares for the words I say. It takes faith to believe that He will answer, guide, and provide. It takes faith to believe that He has a plan, a purpose, and a will for all my petitions, concerns, and thoughts. And so with every prayer lifted to Heaven faith is increased, and my fears, doubts, and unbelief are shattered. 

Yet, if I only pray my benefit, than I have lost the greatest reward of all... I've lost Christ. It has been those moments that in prayer God speaks to me that have transformed my faith. Prayer is more than simply speaking, it's also about listening. I think this is why so many (myself included) claim to have prayer lives but are found spiritually malnourished. After all, Jesus did say that He is the bread of life. He longs to feed us as we pray.

Hunger for a transforming prayer life. 

Purpose with me to expect the miraculous. 

Purpose with me to seek spectacular conversations with God. 

Purpose with me to be inspired by His silence as much as His words. 

Purpose with me to pray more. 

When God is Silent, teaching from camp

Happy Monday!
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A week ago this very hour, I was standing before a room of 70+ youth girls. God had spoken to me a good word to share with them: When God is Silent. A friend asked me to share my notes and so, here they are.
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When God is Silent
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Opening Exercise:
Ask the girls to close their eyes and not open them till I tell them to. Both the girls and myself are not to speak at all. Do not tell them for how long they will sit in silence.
Once I have them open their eyes, point out:
* Though there was silent, I was still present // Though there is silence from above, God is still present
* Though I was silent, I was still at work // Though God is silent, He is still at work on their behalf
* I wasn't silent because I was upset at them // God is not silent because He is upset at them
* My love for them didn't change because of my silence // God's love for them is unchanging
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Key Verses:

* Psalm 42:1-3 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” 

* Psalm 13:1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

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Personal Experience: 

Briefly share these experiences.

* Four years ago I felt like the Psalmist, abandoned by the Lord

* Brokenhearted by the betrayal of a friend

* Felt useless when I was taken out of ministries

* Felt like a failure as I applied for many jobs and not one company called me back

* I continued to seek the Lord to heal my depression, but He remained silent 

* Doubt became fear 

* I grew faithless 

* I was angry, confused, bitter

* As I compared by life to others, I complained to God about mine

* Pity parties 

* Hopeless I fell down on my face into God's word

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It was through the reading of God's Word that I learned on my own the lessons I am about to teach you. 

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1. Recognize the ways God speaks 

Remind the girls to simply listen and take notes of all scripture references

1. Creation - Psalm 19:1-3 // ex: Rainbow covenant
2. Audibly - Genesis 2 // ex: God spoke to Adam 
3. Miracles & Signs - Hebrews 2:3-4 // ex: Right (God parting the red sea for the people of Israel is him speaking for them to continue). Wrong (If he wears a green shirt he is my future husband). 
4. Bible - 2 Timothy 3:16 // self explanatory
5. Circumstance - Ruth 1-4 // Through our trials He speaks comfort, provision and faithfulness
6. Prophet - Deuteronomy 18:18 // a messenger
7. Judgement - Romans 6:23 // His judgement speaks of His jealous love for us
8. Without Words - Luke 12:10-12 // Through the Holy Spirit
9. His Word Incarnate: Jesus - John 1:1-5 // The most important of all! 

2. When is God Silent?

This is not a checklist, so do not self diagnose God's silence. Seek Him. 

1. He is giving us space to make a decision // ex: Meli had to choose between school or a job (both good but the choice was hers)
2. He isn't ready to speak 
3. He has already spoken
4. He is testing us - 2 Chronicles 32:31b // He tests us not to cause us to fail but to perfect our faith
5. He knows we won't listen // Usually when we are rebellious and in disobedience (He's a gentleman and though He pursues, He won't impose Himself on us.)
6. Something or Someone is hindering our listening // Learn to recognize His voice

3. How NOT to respond when God is Silent

1. Do not doubt God or His Word - James 1:5-8 // Our limited knowledge and worldly wisdom will be as the waves tossed and driven by the wind. We are unstable when we doubt. Continue seeking God's Word and godly council/prayer. 
2. Do not live by sight - 2 Corinthians 5:7 // The opposite of faith is sight. "God, because I do not trust you I live by sight." -Bob Coy
3. Do not become angry - Proverbs 25:28 // When we give in to anger, we are driven by emotions and lose self control/discipline. We become broken down walls, causing us to be vulnerable and defenseless to spiritual attacks.
4. Do not complain - Exodus 16 // The people of Israel could have entered the promise land. It wasn't fear of the giants that kept them from entering, it was their complaining. They wandered for forty years because they complained constantly. They compared their misery to their slavery days. Greatest pity party in history: They longed for onions! YUCK! When we complain, we keep ourselves from the "promise land" and a perfected faith. We then become wanderers. 

4. How to respond when God is Silent

1. View His last order(s) as standing orders // Whatever He told you to do last, continue doing that
2. Remember past victories/promises of God and rest your faith in that 
3. Long for the Lord as David did in Psalm 42, don't let the passion/zeal die 
4. Recognize that silence can be an intimate place with God
5. Keep talking to God

5. When was God silent in the Bible

1. Job suffered many horrific troubles. Chapters 1-37 God is silent, He finally speaks in chapter 38. That's a lot of time! 
2. David's life, through the Psalms, we read Him crying out for God to speak and work on his behalf. His enemies even mocked Him because God was silent. We also that God never left His side. 
3. Hannah prayed for a child and God's silence was reflected in her barrenness. God opens and closes the womb in scripture. He speaks as Hannah and Elkanah conceive Samuel the Prophet. 
4. When Mary and Martha called fro Jesus to heal their brother Lazarus who was sick. Jesus didn't move for two days, by then Lazarus was dead. They may have felt neglected. When they all thought all was lost, Jesus spoke, "Lazarus, come forth." Lazarus, still wrapped in burial wraps came back to life. 
5. The woman caught in the very act of adultery, stood before a crowd ready to stone her to death for her sin. Jesus, the only one who could have rightfully judged and condemned her, was silent as He wrote on the floor. There in the presence of Jesus' silence, as she waited to die, all her accusers left, one by one. And then He spoke, "Go, and sin no more."
6. From the last word in the book of Malachi to the first word spoken in the book of Matthew, God was silent. That is 400 years, making that the longest period of time that God was silent. Imagine living your entire existence without ever hearing from God. The time of greatest silence was needed in order for God to do His greatest work. He became man and died the worst death, that today we would be able to live. 

Close: 

* Silence can be likened to being stranded in a desert. 

* "The desert is fertile ground for our spiritual transformation and for God's grace to be revealed in magnificent ways." -Bianca Juarez 

* Every season of our lives is to be accepted as a gift from God. Even the seasons of silence.
Embrace this season.

Invitation: 
* Hosea 6:1-3, "Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.” 

• The rains in early spring was extremely important. If it did not rain in the spring, the land would not bear fruit that would sustain them in the seasons of drought and winter. 
• God promises that when we pursue Him, He will be to us the dew of Israel, watering (the Holy Spirit work through the application of His Word) our lives so that we can bear much fruit and yes, even faith for the seasons of silence.

*Hosea 10:12, "Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Break up the fallow and hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you.

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There you have it. I pray that Lord may have spoken to you, as He spoke to me these lessons. If you need prayer, shoot me an email [livingasalily@gmail.com]. May the Lord guard your heart and mind as you seek Him in the silence.

Last week at Uth Camp as the girls sat in silence. 

Lyrical Friday - I Will Lift My Eyes

Happy Friday 
Back in 2007 I boarded a plane to a far off land. I spent nearly three weeks in Israel. Indeed it was a trip that changed my life completely. All my senses were awakened in that visit. My eyes introduced to new sights: from holy sights and refugee camps, to museums and living rooms, luscious green mountains to desert ground. I saw a people who are so far off from being anything like me yet needing the one thing I constantly cry out for: more of Jesus. My ears awakened to new sounds, languages, voices, and even to the silent cries of a perishing people. My taste buds nearly melted with all the delicious food I ate, breakfast, lunch and dinner were all a delight to experience and I did to my fullest capacity. Who can complain when you wake up to fresh Hummus, pita bread and the world's smallest apples, fresh Falafel for lunch and Kanafeh after dinner? Yet I couldn't shake off the awareness that there remains a people who have not tasted the goodness of the Lord to their fullest capacity, even to overflow. Israel carries the fragrance of Christ, to one is the scent of death and to another it is the scent of life. The scent of Israel is fresh, it's lively, it is still and mysterious. I  touched the ground my Savior walked upon, sat at the Mount of Beatitudes, cried at the Church of Annunciation and floated far, far away at the Dead Sea. There are two cactus' that I remember well, I sat on one and fell on another. I touched Israel, and Israel touched my heart in a way that all these words, no words could ever describe. All these wonderful memories mean nothing in light of the promise God gave me before leaving to Israel:
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I look up to the mountains—

does my help come from there?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth. 

He will not let you stumble;

the one who watches over you will not slumber.

Indeed, he who watches over Israel

never slumbers or sleeps. 

The Lord himself watches over you!

The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.

The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night. 

The Lord keeps you from all harm

and watches over your life.

The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,

both now and forever.

Psalm 121

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You see, I had prayed for the Lord to give me a scripture that I could take on this trip and take refuge in through out my days in Israel. It sure was a refuge and a great comfort to know that my God is my helper 24/7. I knew through these verses that I could call out to Him any day, any time, any where. He would respond any day, any time, any where because He is 1- watching over me, 2- never sleeps and 3- this was guaranteed to me for both now and forever. This promise never expires. I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to Israel to the max. I did not fear, worry, become anxious or weary. I could have but I did not doubt.
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I wish I could say the same to my experiences here, at home. I have feared terribly, become worried over and over, anxiety has gotten the best of me and boy, have I grown weary. I have exhausted all my resources and knowledge and at the end of it, I fall back to the question, "Where does my help come from?" Forgive me God for all the times that I have not redeemed this promise in your Word. It is my prayer that you would experience this life, your life to the max, to capacity, to overflow and in abundance as you believe and redeem (as in a coupon, lol) the promises of Psalm 121 which never expire. I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman is just the song to help us get back on our knees and lifting our eyes to our Helper. God bless YOU!
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I Will Lift My Eyes, Bebo Norman 


God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
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Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
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I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
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God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
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'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

Ruth Bell Graham on faith, doubt and pain

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Into the heart of the Infinite can a mere mortal
hope to gain access,
what with no part of me geared to His greatness,
to His vastness my infinite less?
Yet the longing for Him was so wide and so deep,
by day it crowded life’s thronging,
by night it invaded my sleep.

Then came the pain:
again …
and again …
and again …

As if a wing tip were brushing the tears
from my face
for the breath of a second I knew the unknowable,
glimpsed invisible grace.

And I lay where for long in despair I had lain;
entered, unshod, the holy There where God
dwells with His pain –
alone with the pain of the price He had paid
in giving His Son for a world gone astray
– the world He had made.

My heart lay in silence,
worshipped in silence;
and questioned no more.

Ruth Bell Graham