The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure

Christmas is almost here and I am so excited. Gift giving/recieving is my numero uno love language. I love shopping and selecting gifts for those I love. You are not the exception! I have a Christmas gift for you too. Today's post was written by my lovely friend Stephanie for you. She's no stranger to Living As A Lily, here is the link to her Thanksgiving post from 2012 that'll give you a little history: click HERE. Go make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, with lots of marshmallows, and unwrap what Stephanie and Jesus have prepared for you!

The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure, by Stephanie Landa

I am so honored Raquel invited me to write on her blog! When she first asked, I quickly responded, “YES!” Not having any idea what to write about, I took a leap of faith and trusted God would reveal exactly what He wanted me to share on this blog. After a couple of days, I knew exactly what to write about, and so here it goes…

“You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.” –Proverbs 19:21

Summer of 2013 was when I first found out I was going to start my career as a 1st grade teacher. I was filled with excitement but so much more with FEAR. Fear of the unknown! And so, I began my career where I almost immediately fell in love with those 1st graders. Not only were they amazing, but so was the administration and my coworkers. After a very short time (1 month and a half), I quit! Yup, I quit! (If you know me, you know I’m not a quitter)

I could only imagine what you are thinking. “This girl is crazy! What in the world happened?”

Well, within that short amount of time of teaching, I struggled so much with fear and anxiety. Endless nights of not sleeping because my mind would not shut up. I felt like I needed everything to be perfect and so rather than allowing myself to plan, do the best that I can, and “let it go” (yes, I totally quoted Frozen), I drove myself insane. (I seemed to have forecasted the rest of my life based off of one moment) I lost a great amount of weight, I disconnected myself from almost everyone, my faith in God was lost, etc. which led me all to a deep depression. My family, fiancé, and friends were all extremely concerned about me.

I remember the day that I quit. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I lost my identity. Even now as I write this, my eyes fill up with tears because the way I felt that day and even months after, was THE hardest time of my life. Now please don’t judge me. I understand God has blessed me with SO MUCH, but at that time, I did NOT have the right perspective and was completely lost. I felt like my identity was in my career (I now know my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone; He defines me) and once I lost that, I felt a great amount of anguish.

Almost my entire life, I thought I was created to be a teacher. I had all these plans set for my life. You would think that I had already learned my lesson about FULLY trusting God and letting Him do as He pleases (you can read more about thise HERE).

Almost 6 months later, I figured it all out. I had all these plans, but God had His ultimate plan and I could not be happier. His purpose did prevail (as it always does) and I found my niche in life and that is to be a Middle School teacher. (I know, I’m crazy, but there is something so special about the middle school students) I won’t bore you with the details as to how I got to this point in my life, but its crazy how all along God had been molding me.

God is able to do “exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all that we could ask or think.” I believe this and because I do I will trust Him, take Him at His word, keep on moving forward. I will fight fear by declaring the promises found in God's word over my life. I have learned a lot and I've shared all of this to strengthen you. I encourage you to make plans in your heart, and get moving, but give God room to direct your steps. Make plans, but keep them fluid. Don’t make them concrete! Allow God to flexibility with those plans, to move them around if needed, to line up those desires to His Word and will. A lot of us sit around waiting for direction from God, but He is waiting for you to draw near to Him. Do step out in faith! Filled with the Holy Spirit you can take gutsy risks on the desires of your heart. Get those feet moving as He leads you.

God is the keeper of your heart and will protect it. He will inspire, encourage, nurture, and breathe new life when needed. Dream big! Make plans! Get moving! He's got you!

    * Stephanie has also contributed: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

Waiting. Delighting.

[photo credit]

Earlier this week I was chatting with a friend. She asked me about my upcoming trip to Haiti. As I shared with her the minor and major details, I found myself saying, “This is different. It’s not something I was anxious about, or waited for. I truly believe that the Lord has seen my delight in Him and is now granting me my heart’s desire.”

Two years ago the desire to go to Haiti was planted in my heart. And though I prayed, I was not consumed by it. In my years of waiting, I could have hustled God, nagged Him, thrown fits, and questioned His purposes, or made attempts to make it happen. But for whatever reason, beyond myself, I did not. Looking back, I delighted in the Lord and now, well now I am about to experience God granting me the desire of my heart.

It seems that we are always waiting for something: a job, a raise, a deal to go through, a spouse, a child, deliverance, a response from Heaven, or, you fill in the blank according to your situation. Basically, we are waiting for life to get better. I do believe that most of the things we are waiting for are not selfish, but God planted desires that will satisfy the “abundant life” that is promised to us in John 10:10. I ask for us to stop and consider this question: How are you waiting?

In considering my waiting for Haiti and my waiting for other desires, I see a difference. I normally wait and wait and wait and continue waiting. Somewhere in between waiting and waiting, a series of happenings begin to unfold:

I over think

I doubt and nagg God

I become anxious

I am led by emotions

I contemplate methods of manipulation

I try to help God and accelerate His purpose

I grow weary, burdened and discouraged

Bitterness kicks in

Hold up! You too?! When we wait and our expectations aren't met within our time frame or in a less favorable manner we can spiral into a series of ugly and rebellious attitudes. Therefore, learning what delighting in the Lord is and it's benefits is instrumental for our waiting season. Delighting cannot happen if we are not in God's word, committed to prayer and active in His service. Delighting removes our constant fixation on the desire and causes us to focus on the Giver of every good and perfect gift. Delighting on the Giver will enable us to wait joyfully and patiently. Delighting through the waiting process will also guard our hearts from losing hope or lacking faith. Lastly, Delighting will change us, for it may be that the very outcome we are waiting for could differ from the outcome God has already chosen for us (which is always the better of the two). 

Whether you have begun to wait or have been waiting for x amount of time, know that God is fully aware of your desires. He has not forgotten you. He loves you and is working all things out for your good, and ultimately for His glory. My encouragement to you as you wait for ____________, is to not delight nor glorify a desire or its outcome, but delight fully and wholly in the Lord (not for what He can do or give, but for who He is). In His perfect timing He will grant you your heart’s desire and give you the abundant life He intended for you to live. 

May we be delightful people with delighting hearts. 

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:3-5 

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 37:13-14 

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.