The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure

Christmas is almost here and I am so excited. Gift giving/recieving is my numero uno love language. I love shopping and selecting gifts for those I love. You are not the exception! I have a Christmas gift for you too. Today's post was written by my lovely friend Stephanie for you. She's no stranger to Living As A Lily, here is the link to her Thanksgiving post from 2012 that'll give you a little history: click HERE. Go make yourself a cup of hot chocolate, with lots of marshmallows, and unwrap what Stephanie and Jesus have prepared for you!

The Ugly Twins: Fear & Failure, by Stephanie Landa

I am so honored Raquel invited me to write on her blog! When she first asked, I quickly responded, “YES!” Not having any idea what to write about, I took a leap of faith and trusted God would reveal exactly what He wanted me to share on this blog. After a couple of days, I knew exactly what to write about, and so here it goes…

“You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.” –Proverbs 19:21

Summer of 2013 was when I first found out I was going to start my career as a 1st grade teacher. I was filled with excitement but so much more with FEAR. Fear of the unknown! And so, I began my career where I almost immediately fell in love with those 1st graders. Not only were they amazing, but so was the administration and my coworkers. After a very short time (1 month and a half), I quit! Yup, I quit! (If you know me, you know I’m not a quitter)

I could only imagine what you are thinking. “This girl is crazy! What in the world happened?”

Well, within that short amount of time of teaching, I struggled so much with fear and anxiety. Endless nights of not sleeping because my mind would not shut up. I felt like I needed everything to be perfect and so rather than allowing myself to plan, do the best that I can, and “let it go” (yes, I totally quoted Frozen), I drove myself insane. (I seemed to have forecasted the rest of my life based off of one moment) I lost a great amount of weight, I disconnected myself from almost everyone, my faith in God was lost, etc. which led me all to a deep depression. My family, fiancé, and friends were all extremely concerned about me.

I remember the day that I quit. I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I lost my identity. Even now as I write this, my eyes fill up with tears because the way I felt that day and even months after, was THE hardest time of my life. Now please don’t judge me. I understand God has blessed me with SO MUCH, but at that time, I did NOT have the right perspective and was completely lost. I felt like my identity was in my career (I now know my identity is found in Christ and Christ alone; He defines me) and once I lost that, I felt a great amount of anguish.

Almost my entire life, I thought I was created to be a teacher. I had all these plans set for my life. You would think that I had already learned my lesson about FULLY trusting God and letting Him do as He pleases (you can read more about thise HERE).

Almost 6 months later, I figured it all out. I had all these plans, but God had His ultimate plan and I could not be happier. His purpose did prevail (as it always does) and I found my niche in life and that is to be a Middle School teacher. (I know, I’m crazy, but there is something so special about the middle school students) I won’t bore you with the details as to how I got to this point in my life, but its crazy how all along God had been molding me.

God is able to do “exceedingly, abundantly above and beyond all that we could ask or think.” I believe this and because I do I will trust Him, take Him at His word, keep on moving forward. I will fight fear by declaring the promises found in God's word over my life. I have learned a lot and I've shared all of this to strengthen you. I encourage you to make plans in your heart, and get moving, but give God room to direct your steps. Make plans, but keep them fluid. Don’t make them concrete! Allow God to flexibility with those plans, to move them around if needed, to line up those desires to His Word and will. A lot of us sit around waiting for direction from God, but He is waiting for you to draw near to Him. Do step out in faith! Filled with the Holy Spirit you can take gutsy risks on the desires of your heart. Get those feet moving as He leads you.

God is the keeper of your heart and will protect it. He will inspire, encourage, nurture, and breathe new life when needed. Dream big! Make plans! Get moving! He's got you!

    * Stephanie has also contributed: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby!

Sentence Tuesday

Just because you can't see or imagine 

a good reason why God might allow something to happen 

doesn't mean there can't be one. -Stephanie Landa 

[photo credit]

Birthday Surprise. It's Stephanie!

My favorite holiday is here and with it a very special post by one of my favorite people. For those who don't know Stephanie, she is vibrant, enthusiastic and encouraging. And to those who know her, we can all say we are better people because she is in our lives. May this special Thanksgiving post speak comfort and joy to your heart. 
-

[photo credit]

To be completely honest, I wanted to decline Raquel’s offer when she first asked me to be a guest blogger. Why? I let fear paralyze me at that moment and I had no idea what to write about, BUT I heard a firm response from God, “Yes, you WILL write and you WILL share what you have learned!” I immediately knew exactly what He was talking about. So here it goes…

Back in February, I attended an amazing conference. Prior to this conference, I was ecstatic to volunteer and serve at the conference, but God gave me a clear “No!” I was crushed and confused because my heart’s desire is to serve others, but I knew that God wanted me to be still, sit back, and hear from Him. It would be me and Him, nothing else!

Throughout the conference God was moving in my heart. The night Hillsong United led worship, God revealed something to me. You see, God exposed  the ugliness of my heart to me and unfolded a deeper layer that I had no idea was lying inside of my heart. I knew then this was one of the reasons God wanted me to sit out, and not volunteer at the conference. I suddenly broke out in tears and felt my knees suddenly collapse.  I felt ashamed and embarrassed. God revealed to me that I was angry. Angry with Him! “What?!? How could this be? I’m so head over heels in love with Him! How could I have been angry and in love with Him all at the same time?

Rewind …

Way before attending this conference, I had been trying to pass one of the tests to become a teacher. It had taken me a little well over a year to pass it. While many eagerly waited to start the New Year, I was taking into the New Year a heavy burden of frustration. Throughout that time of test after test, I felt like I done everything humanly possible to pass. I bought books, hired tutors, listened to cds, attended workshops, and more. My next train of thought was, “My failing MUST be because I’m not spiritual enough?” (At this point, I had no idea where my head was at.) I then proceeded into trying to do all the “Christian stuff” so that I can hopefully gain God’s favor and mercy to pass the test. (Side note: This is so far from God’s truth…We do NOT have to gain His love, it’s unconditional nor do we have to work to receive His favor/mercy/grace) I fasted. I prayed. I went to church. I sought Biblical counsel. I read my Bible. I had done anything and everything. I knew for sure God was going to hook it up and open the door for me to pass. Yeah, NO! The next time I went to take it, I read in big fat letters, “Not pass!” “What? God, how could this be? You MUST be mad at me!”

Fast-forward to the conference …

“Angry? Why would I be angry with God?” It then dawned on me that I was angry because the thought of God forsaking me, and not giving me the desires of my own selfish heart, had been lingering inside of me. I had been feeling let down by God. I felt like my prayers were hitting the roof and not heaven. Why wouldn’t God turn to me and allow for me to pass the test? “C’mon God, You created everything in 6 days... Can’t you just make it happen and allow this miracle to take place?!” I would have never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I would reach the point of being angry with my God.

After I left the conference, I confessed to my boyfriend all that I had been hidden in my heart. We prayed, and I instantly felt God’s love and healing hand over my heart and life. God’s faithfulness revealed to me yet once again. “CONFESS your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be HEALED.” James 5:16.

Thanksgiving is here! What am I thankful for? Well, I’m thankful for God’s strength. He gave me strength to push forward even when I thought I could not take one more step or one more test. I took that test 7 times! If it was not for Him, I would have easily given up probably after the 3^rd time of not passing it. I was stubborn (hence me having to take it 7 times) and God wanted me to gain radical faith in trusting Him with my life even when things don’t “fall in place.” I’m thankful that though this sin had been residing in my heart, God’s love did not change.

I learned many things during that season of my life. I can honestly say that though storms may come, and they will come, there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I encourage you to dig deep and pray even when it seems as if you can not mutter out a single word to God. Prayer not only changes things, but it changes YOU!

“BE THANKFUL IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, 

for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” -1 Thessalonians 5:18

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. 

Tell God what you need and THANK HIM for all he has done.” –Philippians 4:6

“When everything seems like it’s falling apart, 

that’s when God is putting things back together just the way He wants it.” 

One last thing, though God did not answer my prayer on my timeline to pass the test, He did do something far more imaginable. He gave me the gift of faith! Faith to truly trust God with my life, with my future, even when all else fails.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sentence Tuesday

Don’t be so bent on receiving that one thing,

that you miss out on all that God is trying to give you along the way. 

-Stephanie Landa 

[photo credit]

Let's talk about sex, baby!

Happy Wednesday. A few months ago, I asked my friend to write a post on purity and she delivered... a whole lot of yada! Take the time to read this post and share with your friends.
-
Let's talk about sex, baby!
by Stephanie Landa
-
Have you ever wondered why God wants to protect the sacredness of sex for after marriage? Perhaps you're tired of hearing all the messages about purity/abstinence. It seems as though everyone is having sex, and you question what is the point of waiting after marriage for sex. “One side says condoms and sexual freedom are the answer to youthful clamoring about sex. The other, slides silver rings on the fingers of teens and hopes these miniature chastity belts will protect them in moments of temptation. Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Is there a middle ground? Can anybody claim to have clear and certain answers?” – Dannah Gresh
-
What if I were to tell you that there is something no one has ever told you about sex? Would you believe me? Well, last night as I was a reading, “What Are You Waiting For? The One Thing No One Ever Tells you about sex” by Dannah Gresh, I came across a profound truth that I could not keep to myself and had to, just had to, share with you. In Genesis 4:1 we read, “Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant.” They were obviously not just laying” there! Gresh grabbed a Hebrew dictionary; she searched for the meaning of “lay” in the sentence. Gresh found the Hebrew word for sex is yada. Yes! The word we most often use to communicate a sense of boredom, is not so “blah, blah, blah.” The definition of the word yada is “to know, to be known, and to be deeply respected.”
-
“Almost every woman can admit that she isn’t really yearning for a physical touch in her sexual encounters, but is seeking a deep emotional caressing. For men, most of them, want to know they have what it takes to receive your admiration. They yearn to be deeply respected.” –Gresh
-
Out of curiosity, Gresh researched how many times this word (yada) shows up in the Hebrew Old Testament. It is used more than nine hundred times. Now, that’s a lot of yada! It gets even better…
-
A couple of other passages that mention yada are Genesis 4:17, Genesis 4:25, Genesis 24:16, 1 Samuel 1:19-20, just to name a few. Several times, the word is used to convey a deep emotional knowing and mutual respect between a naked man and wife. The word yada is used most commonly in a verse like this: “Be still and know [yada] that I am God.” –Psalm 46:10. It’s clear from this verse that yada isn’t about a merely physical act. Yada is a word of intimacy that goes beyond the physical to describe the whole knowing of a person.
-
“O Lord, you have searched me and you know [yada] me. You know [yada] when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar…” –Psalm 139 Feel free to read the rest of Psalm 139:1-4, 13-16, 23 and be prepared to be blown away and humbled by God’s grace and love. “When you are in intimate physical and emotional communion with your husband, it will be a mere picture of the passionate love of a God who has been seeking your heart since before you were born.” –Gresh
-
This is the one thing no one has ever told you about sex: it’s an exquisite revelation of a much Greater Love.
--
God is trying to direct our attention to a portrait that comes close to helping us understand. That portrait is pure, holy marriage. In that sacred place alone do we find a taste of the intimacy we can have with a living, loving God. Maybe that’s why the word yada can be traced from Genesis to Revelation. We must be remind us of what true intimacy looks like, for we have drifted far from the truth. 

- 

So there it is, Ladies and Gents!  Now go, ponder, and digest this information while falling at the feet of Christ and praising Him for His goodness and unconditional love. I hope this information has given you a greater understanding and has answered your question, “What is the point?” One more thing, please do not drown in the lies of the enemy making you feel unworthy because of your past. God is relentlessly seeking you and loves you for you, despite your past, recent, and future hiccups.

 -

*If you have not read the book, “What Are You Waiting For? The One Thing No One Ever Tells you about sex” by Dannah Gresh…I totally recommend it. Get it HERE.