a few words on Guilt

Last night the topic of guilt came up in our bible study. Immediately my mind took me back to the days when guilt and shame were my shackles of choice. Guilt was a familiar feeling that I believed I had to live with.

You see, I carried the guilt of my friend's hopelessness with me that led her to suicide. I held myself responsible for my grandfather's death. I accused my lack of faith, wrong decisions and attitude for the straying away of a loved one. The shame of my past bound me. I understood that God had forgiven me, but I could not forget myself.

That is till a friend spoke words of truth into my life. In short she said, "Raquel, your grandfather died because that's the hour the Lord chose to take Him. Do you really think that you are greater than God? Or that you determine life and death? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! These words shook me and took me for a ride. Not only was my grandfather's death flashed before me, but every guilt and every shame that had crippled me.

I had a questions to deal with in light of the truth my friend had spoken:
Was I assuming to be greater than God by not forgiving myself? Would I continue believing the lie that I was responsible and accountable for what God had willed and permitted? That night began a process of God replacing truth for lies, a deep healing, and setting me free. His grace was so gentle and sweet.

For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 1 John 3:20

Dear Friend, has guilt made your heart its home? Is your mind clouded with shameful memories? Is your faith crippled? Have you made yourself responsible for choices God has made or the choices others have taken? Are you holding yourself accountable for actions or events that the Lord has forgiven you for? Do you find it difficult to forgive your self and move forward?
God is greater than your sin.
God is greater than your shortcomings.
God is greater than your mistakes.
God is greater than your failures.
God is greater than you.
God is greater than your heart.
God is greater than your memories.
God is greater than your ability to forgive and forget.
God is Great.

Allow today for the grace of God to shatter the shackles of guilt and deliver you from the shame that condemns you. God is love, and it is His perfect love that will perfect you. It's a process, be patient with Him as He replaces lies with truth, heals you, and sets you free.

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. 1 John 4:17-18

But love covers all sins. Proverbs 10:12

sentence tuesday

Until sin is bitter, Christ will not be sweet. -Thomas Watson

forgiveness

"I think that if God forgives us we must forgive ourselves. Otherwise, it is almost like setting up ourselves as a higher tribunal than Him." - C.S. Lewis

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
 Romans 8:1

Hi dear friends.
I read the C.S.Lewis quote earlier today and boy, did it remind me of how mighty God's grace is but also of how unforgiving we can be towards ourselves. There is no room for guilt and shame in the grand vastness of God's amazing love. It was easy to accept God's forgiveness but I couldn't forgive myself. I had allowed walls to build up in my heart, labeled "guilt". Only when I tore those walls down, after many years, did I forgive myself and fully accept and know God's grace for me. It's still a work in progress that the Lord has promised to complete.

As one who struggles with forgiveness, I can write to you and say: forgive yourself. It is the first step to accepting and knowing the fullness of God's grace. If you have the head knowledge of God's love, mercy, forgiveness and grace yet still struggle to love yourself, be merciful towards yourself, forgive yourself and accept God's grace; I urge you today:
tear
the
walls
down.

I don't know what your yesterday looks like. I don't know if you feel so worthless that you doubt God's grace for you. I don't even know if you believe that God can forgive your sins. But one thing I do know, God's unchanging character: [Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead. Return to the Lord your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish. Joel 3:13]

God's Grace is FOR YOU! Yes, You!
That's the greatness of God. It doesn't matter how ugly, icky, deep, wrong, dark, vicious, demonic, brutal, psychotic or small your sin may be, it is still sin and God is still God. He will forgive and make grace abound to you. Ask Him today, this very moment, to help you forgive yourself and accept His grace.

Beloved reader, if you were a victim of any wrong doing or violation to you, God's grace is FOR YOU! Yes, You! There is a promise in God's Word that I want you to hold on to, engrave it in your heart and mind: [So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten. Joel 2:25] Lord, Your Word says it, we believe it, now do it! Ask Him today, this very moment, to restore what has been taken: your worth and value, to help you forgive the other person(s), to forgive yourself and accept God's grace.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free
and discover that the prisoner was you." -Lewis B. Smedes

Flames from James // The Black Hole

Hi Friends.
Once a Month I post a verse from the book of James. I was not even planning on doing a Flames from James post but after watching this short film, I could not help myself but share James 1:13-15:
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.



Watching this made me pause and reflect on my own life. Is there a black hole in my life?

confession: my sin, my struggle, my brokeness

He will yet fill your mouth with laughing,
And your lips with rejoicing.
Job 8:21
 

Hi good Friend. You have no idea how long I have been waiting for the right post to use this picture. I named it forgotten paradise. The aged walls, the grime, the pile of dirt, its brokenness has me captivated. In a peculiar way, I feel connected to this place. I can almost identify with its condition. I wonder how lovely this place must have been once, when it was alive, nevertheless all that remains is ruble. I saved this picture to post on a day when I felt like blogging about being redeemed, or forgotten. Yet I never considered that I would have tagged it along with a confession.

I write to you today and my soul feels like this place. I confess that I have had a divided heart. I’ve been torn by longings to give in to the desires of my flesh. Continually my mind has been out of control with urges to return to a destructive lifestyle. I don’t know how or when I let my guard down but the thought of relapsing have been occurring more often than none. Like this picture I feel like the aged walls, I am falling apart and losing this battle. Like the grime in this picture I feel that Anorexia is so deeply rooted in me that I can’t wash it away. I can’t keep sweeping this pile of dirt aside as if it will go away. The more I hide it in a corner the bigger the pile grows and harder it will be to pick up, longer it will take to clean up. I am broken, but God has promised me that a broken and contrite heart He will never despise (Psalm 51*).

I detest admitting that I am weak. Really, who actually enjoys admitting that they are weak- no one! I am so weak. I also have been blind. Today I encouraged someone, looking at them with eyes of pity and compassion. At the moment I gave them advice with a sincere heart, truly yearning that “my” advice would make a difference in their walk to freedom. It wasn’t till tonight at church when my Pastor** said two things that hit me like a ton of bricks. 1) Confrontation of sin has to be in God’s timing in order for it to be effective. 2) Our sin looks horrible on someone else. But it wasn’t till he read Matthew 7:3-4 that my hypocrisy was exposed. Verse 3 says, “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” That scripture was like a bucket of cold water that woke me up from my sleep. As I thought about the advice that I gave, the words came back to me and ministered to me. How could I have missed heeding the word of advice that I had given? Not only was it a word from the Lord for that person, but for myself as well.

Anorexia is without a doubt a sin that can so easily ensnare you, entrap you and bind you. My life lately has been a little unstable, with many changes. I have been feeling lonely and my world was not in my control like it had been for a while, so naturally eating was the easiest control tactic. Stop eating Raquel, gain control again. I know this makes no sense and very few will really understand. This is a struggle that I have no choice but to live with. However I can make a choice as to where I draw strength from- my strength which has proven to be weak time and time again, or I can draw my strength from God who has always proven to be a strong and mighty tower who never fails, never sleeps nor slumbers.

Tomorrow I will finally begin a book/study called HEAL: healthy eating abundant living by Allie Marie Smith (links to the book and Allie’s blog). I ordered this book about a month ago and it has been sitting on my dresser... convicting me! LOL. I have avoided opening it because I know that it means going back to step 1 in my battle against Anorexia. I am definitely in a humble place, much like this picture. I thought I was established, in good condition, pure, holy, strong yet the reality of it all is that I have a lot of changes to make, a lot of growing to do and the Lord has yet to stretch me more. My pride is hurting especially since I was so sure that I had overcome this monster. I thank God that I am not alone in this battle both in the sense that I am not the only one who struggles with this but also because I have great accountability partners (which reminds me, that I need to confess to them too, lol). I covet your prayers and thank you for reading this looooong post.

Galatians 5:1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

*Psalm 51
**Pedro Garcia